Living Your Best Life – Showing Up
Tag Archives: Mental Health
Living Your Best Life – Resilience
Well, it would appear that Old Man Winter has relinquished his seemingly perpetual, frosty grip on the temperatures outside – at least here in Michigan. Sure, every few days, he will stage a futile resurgence with a couple of nippy days thrown into the mix, but the picture is crystal clear; spring is an inevitability. And so, on those warm days that call for appreciation of nature, the seasonal spring yard clean-up is a necessity. Now, sprucing up one’s yard involves a lot of dirty work. Dethatching the lawn, trimming back dead flowers, removing animal waste (we have a ton of deer), and pulling these gangly monstrosities (pictured above) from the surrounding area. Ah, yes, the dandelion weed. I swear, in the event of a nuclear holocaust, I declare that only roaches and these unsightly plant aliens will stubbornly survive.
This invasive weed is undeniably resilient. It can survive in poor soil, tolerate drought, resist disease, and repel pests. Notoriously hard to kill, this perennial weed has deep roots and can regrow just about anywhere with the proper seed dispersal. I hate them. They ruin the appearance of my manicured lawn with gangly tentacles stretching toward the heavens after its white puff of seeds has blown away. Nevertheless, I can’t help but respect their hardy nature. Hardy is defined as the ability to endure extreme conditions and or difficult situations.
We can all learn from this mighty weed. To be sure, life is a complex garden full of unfavorable conditions and challenging environments. However, sometimes the most painful moments and adverse conditions teach the most valuable lessons. We just need the physical, emotional, and mental hardiness to not merely survive, but to thrive. We stay stubbornly rooted in our purpose and greatness. When life seemingly cuts us down, we become renewed in strength and vitality. And lastly, we ensure the seeds of our greatness spread far and near. Well, I guess I have more in common with a weed than I previously thought. They still need to get plucked from my yard, though – no hard feelings.
Daddy Diary – If You Play Your (Basketball) Cards Right, Everything Will Be Alright – The Life & Times of Raising a Young Boy
Unsurprisingly, I am wholly confident that my current challenges of rearing a young boy is not exclusive to my parental timeline. If you are an involved father, and your rambunctious offspring is prone to boneheaded, impulsive behavior – well – you understand the struggle is agonizingly real. Trust, the anxiety induced when one receives an e-mail or phone call from the school is steeped with other worldly levels of stress. Moreover, subsequent frustration is heightened due to how wildly dissimilar our personalities seemingly appear from my perspective. I am extremely quiet and reserved. My son, not so much. And so, perhaps as many other parents such as myself, I searched for activities that would constructively redirect his energy, sharpen his focus while instilling discipline, and awarding him a few victories along the way for his hard work.
Two years ago, I identified an opportunity. Now, I am an avid basketball fan, and with the NBA season approaching, I decided to resurrect a hobby that I enjoyed as a child with my boy – sports card collecting. I absolutely loved ripping open packs and collecting my favorite players. Back then, it was not the corporate business it is now, with specialty cards pricing out the average collector – especially if that collector is just a kid. I had two binders: one blue and the other brown. I had some great rookie cards that I cherished: Grant Hill, Chris Webber, and Dikembe Mutombo just to name a few. Through years of a few changes in residence, my binders were unfortunately lost. It is my hope that they will be rediscovered in a miscellaneous box one day. I digress; I hoped basketball would be the activity to get my son together.
Now, along with collecting basketball cards, I sought an opportunity to introduce a sport (basketball) that could capture and channel his energy for the court – definitely not the classroom. Basketball themed birthday cakes, a portable hoop in the backyard, designated basketball sneakers, basketball camps, and the aforementioned trading cards were all a part of the master plan to course correct my son. The years (yes, years) had been rough. Sometimes, it felt that all the emotional and mental support I expended did not yield any positive returns. It was painfully exhausting, mind-numbingly aggravating, and many times saddening. Doubting myself as a father was not uncommon. Humbly, as a gentleman that generally dispenses what I believe is wise counsel, my words were not landing with my boy. What was I doing wrong?
For the multitude of advice books on the market, fatherhood truly does not have an instructional manual that addresses every scenario. It is very much trial and error – sometimes heavy on the error. I have regrets, many situations I wished I handled differently. Nevertheless, we are dutifully staying the course, and the tide has shifted in a positive direction. Corrective conversations with teachers, principals, and assistant principals have ceased – knock on wood. Test scores are up. He is getting along better with his peers. Punishments have been replaced with praise. Sure, there are the occasional youthful hiccups that accompany this maturation process. That is to be expected, and we are in a much better space now.
So, as father & on making this journey together against the backdrop of basketball, I am proud of his growth. Sometimes, I use current events from the basketball world to teach lessons about life. Nevertheless, it is not all so serious. Along with youth basketball league, watching NBA games together on the couch, we have secured some serious, prime rookie cards from this generation’s NBA stars. Anthony Edwards, Victor Wembanyama, Cade Cunningham, and Shai Gilgeous-Alexander are just a few that we have collected. We have definitely bonded, as I am attempting to create a relationship that I did not enjoy as a child. Raising him has highlighted the importance of preparing him for this crazy world around us. So, if you are a father in the struggle, hang in there. Even when you’re getting your ankles broken on the court (I’ll save that for another post), and you come face to face with Father Time, just know that your value to your child is indeed invaluable.
Living Your Best Life – Guided by Purpose
To be certain, life is sometimes an uneven journey of complex experiences tenuously chained together. Given that fact, a gentleman carefully navigates his life with a purpose that governs his actions. He will thoughtfully afford the requisite time and due diligence to satisfy that purpose. Admirable as that is, however, a gentleman may err by overthinking the subject. True, a gentleman must live life with meaning and reason. Nevertheless, purpose should not be defined as some cosmic, life-altering motive for existing. A gentleman can risk searching for a purpose so profound that it inadvertently paralyzes his ability to bring meaningful value to this shared experience of life.
Certainly, having a big purpose has its place. However, sometimes, simple is best. Sometimes, a man just needs an objective – challenging, yet attainable without depleting emotional, mental, or physical inventory. It is tentatively spring here in Michigan, so my simple purpose is to tend to my yard. My hostas, salvia, bee balm, and lilies (although a rabbit snacked on one) are all springing from the ground in all their botanical glory. Purpose sometimes has a season in a gentleman’s life.
Now is the season when my garden plays a huge role in my day-to-day living. My primary job is to keep the garden thriving and vibing. Just take a look at my creeping phlox pictured above. I planted this ground cover approximately 2 years ago with the hopes of adding color and choking out nearby weeds. They were scrawny in the beginning, but some dutiful TLC has resulted in a beautiful floral display near the edges of my garden bed. Challenge: Add some purpose to your life that grants a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment. It does not need to be world-changing, but it should make you swell with pride and a sense of valuable intention.
The Standard #58
To be absolutely clear, a hardworking gentleman understands the meaning and value of his tireless labor. And to be absolutely sure, the reality of fatherhood only heightens said understanding. Trust, this gentleman maintains a deep, fundamental comprehension of provision and the significance of being a contributor. And so, when seasons of life are absent peace or joy – perhaps both; it is not uncommon for him to lean heavily into his work; a passionate attempt to seek refuge and fulfillment by claiming, reasserting his own value to himself. Work is transformed into an instrument that exerts authority over one’s mental and emotional well-being.
It is a blunt tool utilized to manage anxiety, stress, insecurity, and pain. He accepts the incredible burden of arduous work to unburden himself of heavier burdens – both emotional and mental. However, whatever accomplishments that are attained, the satisfaction is never truly satisfying. Frantic attempts for relief only lead deeper into work. The wise gentleman must conclude that work does not inherently grant him value. Rather, it is he that affords value to his work, to his friends, to his family, and to himself. So, if no one tells you today (and demonstrate through their actions); I am here to convey on behalf of countless gentlemen such as yourself; you are recognized, appreciated, respected, and loved.
All the Smoke – Replica by the Fireplace – A Smoldering, Signature Scent That Sizzles in the Spring
As a gentleman of a certain age, I have discovered that my scent palate has slowly evolved to reflect more mature sensibilities. And those mature sensibilities dictate a measured, easy-going approach to living life. Now, life is undoubtedly, sometimes exceedingly complicated. Therefore, when the inevitable intrusion of stress introduces itself into my everyday affairs, I employ grounding techniques that bring me back to center. Grounding is a coping strategy utilized to calm one’s mental health and well-being when under duress.
Grounding refocuses and reconnects you to the present moment; its purpose is to reduce anxiety, fear, stress, and feelings of being overwhelmed. I ground myself by dutifully engaging my senses: touch, sight, hearing, taste, and for the purposes of this post, smell. I wholly enjoy the aromatic nuances of a great-smelling cologne. When perfectly executed, its notes carry me to a safe, soothing space within my mind. I smell great, I feel great. Today, I wanted to talk about one of my favorites – By the Fireplace.
- Maison Margiela Replica-By the Fireplace is a 2015 release created by perfumer Marie Salamagne. The Replica line is a collection of fragrances designed to replicate intimate memories from specific moments, places, and feelings from a person’s life. The Replica line offers an array of fragrances that range from strolls on the beach to vibing in a jazz club to relaxing by a toasty fireplace.
- Curiously marketed as a unisex scent, I would humbly disagree with that assessment regarding By the Fireplace. Definitely true to its moniker, the surprisingly realistic aroma of charred wood is both strong and masculine. The warm, sweetly smoky fragrance offers an elegant interpretation of a rustic vibe, evoking the cozy vibe of cuddling by a crackling fireplace. Yes, this is cuddle-buddy approved. It’s warm, deep, and slightly sweet.
- Top notes: pink pepper essence, orange flower absolute, and clove oil. Middle notes: chestnut accord, guaiac wood oil, and cade oil. Base notes: vanilla accord, cashmeran, and Peru balsam.
- Did You Know? Studies show that vanilla has been associated with to elevating a person’s mood, relaxation, and reducing negative emotions.
- With this easily distinctive cologne, a gentleman can safely apply 3-4 sprays without tripping a nearby smoke detector. A gentleman should get a solid 6-7 hours of performance, and perhaps even longer, depending on individual body chemistry. It projects reasonably well, but it won’t choke out an entire room of people.
- However, I would not consider this smoldering scent appropriate for the office, as the smoky notes of chestnuts and guaiac wood may not be pleasing to everyone. Surely, a considerate gentleman is mindful of other people’s sensibilities. Warning: The delicate line between smelling like a cozy, warm fire and a burning inferno can be turned on its head by over-spraying. To be sure, this fragrance is meant to be enjoyed within close quarters of that special someone. It’s intimate. It’s cozy. It’s inviting.
- By the Fireplace is formulated for the slightly weathered, sophisticated gentleman who is self-assured and unapologetic in his masculinity. It is a casual fragrance best suited for evening wear. When I think of this cologne, my mind envisions silk/cashmere sweaters coupled with soft cotton trousers and slick loafers.
- By the Fireplace is a cologne built for cooler temperatures, preferably fall and winter, but during this sneaky season of “false spring”, surprise drops in temperature could provide a prime opportunity for wearing. However, as soon as those temperatures hit 70 and higher, By the Fireplace can quickly become a little cloying to the nose.
- Maison Margiela Replica-By the Fireplace retails for $170.00 3.4 oz. and $89.00 1.05 oz. By the Fireplace is available at Maison Margiela, Macy’s, Sephora, and other fine men’s department stores. If a gentleman is savvy enough to stay informed regarding sales, FragranceNet.com may also be a viable option to procure this scent at a steep discount.
The Standard #64
To be fully invested in his mental health and well-being, a gentleman must realize that he must unabashedly advocate for himself. He must be unapologetic. Regarding his wellness, his advocacy demands an unashamed, firm defense that does not waver in the face of criticism, societal pressure, or social stigmas. Prioritizing oneself does not require an explanation, guilt, or regret. However, it does demand respect. It is not a respect dependent on the whims of others; rather, a gentleman must demand respect of himself. It is pertinent that a gentleman recognizes the importance of his time and availability. He must not allow the wickedness of the world to foster unfamiliar dissonance within his mind, body, and spirit. Being mindful of not overextending himself, a gentleman protects internal resources from the threat of compromise and depletion.
Are you feeling exceedingly overwhelmed, hopelessly exhausted, disappointingly defeated, and frighteningly irritable? Perhaps it is time to step back from the deafening noise of life and prioritize your well-being. It is time for a much-needed reset. It is time for a well-deserved refresh. It is time to replenish the cup that you so readily pour into others. What that looks like depends on the individual. Personally, that may involve a quiet walk alone throughout the neighborhood. It may involve stepping back from projects that are more burdensome than supporting professional and personal growth. It could be taking earned paid time off just to actually sleep, catch up on a favorite show in peace, and complete some personal tasks that actually bring personal joy & fulfillment. And it could just be saying no. No, because today, I choose myself. You owe yourself. Choose yourself today.
Living Your Best Life – Watch for the Crash-Out – Slow Down, Brake for Wisdom
An intelligent gentleman understands that wisdom entails a discerning practice of collecting information while observing and understanding life experiences. Utilizing that knowledge, wisdom demands meaningful reflection followed by deliberate, calculated decision-making based on mental & emotional clarity, practicality, and well-thought conclusions. Wisdom thrives when a gentleman is devoid of self-sabotaging traits such as misguided arrogance and impulsivity. Unfortunately, wisdom is sometimes betrayed by the incontestable inexperience and volatility of youth.
This particular subject is top of mind due to the current events surrounding Jaden Ivey and his uncertain future in the National Basketball Association. Ivey was dismissed from the Chicago Bulls shortly after sharing some of his beliefs on Instagram. The purpose of this post is not to argue what is just or unjust about Ivey being waived from the team. Rather, I would like to use this event to offer practical advice to anyone that may be prone to rash decisions that lead to unexpected and unfortunate consequences. This can certainly apply to anyone, but I specifically want to speak to the young crowd today. I hope some of this information provides needed insight for someone.
- Gentlemen, listen closely, not everything is meant for public consumption. Social media has become so ingrained in today’s society that the irresistible urge to share the most personal, intimate details of our lives has become ridiculously addictive. Meta and YouTube were just recently sued and found liable for that very fact, but I digress. Stop oversharing! For example, no husband should voice grievances about his spouse or significant other online. Some things are meant to remain private, away from the prying eyes and opinions of strangers. Guys, we do not move in this manner. It is never wise to invite the world into your bedroom. The outcomes could be regretfully disastrous.
- Are you familiar with the saying “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? One’s message may indeed be reasonable, bear common sense, and grounded in truth. However, if the delivery is abrasive, confrontational, judgmental, and needlessly pushy; individuals will be turned away from your message instead of toward it. Your delivery matters. And ensure that you gather and place your thoughts in logical order. Anyone attempting to navigate a maze of incoherent rambling will find themselves lost and confused.
- A gentleman must slow down and think before he acts on matters of importance. Recalling the first bullet point, too many people rush to social media for affirmation and approval. People desperately want to feel a sense of justification and confirmation based on “likes” and comments from strangers – some with nefarious intentions. And even worse, some of the responses could be the creation of an A.I. Bot. Your mental health and well-being are potentially compromised by a non-human. No. Think before you speak or act. And honestly, you probably should not do either. People (especially our young folks) can lack the foresight, failing to identify downstream effects and ramifications.
- Similar to delivery, a gentleman should be mindful of his presentation – appearances matter. An unkempt, disheveled presentation can unfortunately undermine your credibility even if your messaging is rock solid. It’s possible you can lose the audience before you even secure their attention. And if a messy appearance is combined with an incoherent message – forget about it.
- Matters of great importance or bear the potential for serious consequences require counsel with trusted sources. Never just wing it. There are angles and blind spots that require awareness. Having a conversation with someone and hearing your words out loud can offer much-needed reflection and insight. Wisdom is procured and refined over the course of time through lived experiences, learning from others, and deep reflection. Constructive dialogue and feedback make it stronger.
Living Your Best Life
Living Your Best Life – Your Own Race to Run
In this sacred, shared experience that we define as life, a gentleman must recognize that the journey is a marathon, not a sprint. A gentleman must honor and respect the speed of his own lane. A gentleman must traverse his own unique course. He should not be persuaded to hastily navigate a path not properly aligned for his capabilities, principles, or purpose. Therefore, beware of the poseur who offers unwise counsel at your own personal peril. This includes the Internet influencers who identify individuals isolated in insecurity & ignorance. Utilizing sly manipulation, they marginalize the self-esteem and confidence of the very audience they claim to help.
Whether politician or podcaster, the presentation is primarily performative, a pathetic ploy to position the pretender as a paragon of power. Pain promotes the potential for profit. Misery is marketed for monetization. They establish the finish line, and they direct your movements to their desired outcome. Do not be hurried into decisions that are not your own. Do not be moved into a mindset where seeds of discontent are sown. Allow yourself forgiveness. Allow yourself grace. Allow yourself time to learn from life’s mistakes. And most important of all, run your own race at your decided pace.
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All I Want for Christmas is…Peace of Mind.
Greetings, I hope everyone had a blessed, safe, and happy holidays over the past few weeks. For legions of children across the globe, the most wonderful time of the year brings excited anticipation and curiosity, as meticulously (or perhaps not) wrapped gifts magically appear beneath Christmas trees in households the world over. And shortly thereafter, many adults gather to ring in the new year with much-needed hope and fruitful, new beginnings. Personally, the gift I desire the most does not physically arrive in beautiful wrapping paper, tucked quietly under a Christmas tree. And heading into the new year, it is something I hope to have in abundance – peace of mind.
For many people, peace of mind can assume a variety of forms. Personally, during this time of year, the delicate art of wrapping gifts provides that peace of mind. The crafty exercise allows my mind to slow down and focus intently on the objective at hand. On its surface, it may seem like a cumbersome task – more pain in the butt than peace. However, with each careful fold or playful tie of a ribbon, the satisfying reward of seeing the finished work is undoubtedly worth the time and effort.
It affords me a quiet space in my head to tap into my thoughts and harness my creativity. Sometimes, I just look at my gift-wrapping accessories that I have slowly acquired over the years. I begin to dream of different color and material combinations in my head, and in turn, how will I adorn the exterior of the gift. Sometimes a fold will present a pleasant challenge. The wrapping paper won’t be as crisp. Some delicate paper may even mistakenly rip. Other times, I will need to untie a bow and start the process from the beginning. Nevertheless, it is all a part of the process. Surely, dutiful practice sharpens one’s skills. And once a flow is established, I can crank out gifts like a true Santa’s workshop. Looking at the finished project fills me with pride.
Capitalizing on end-of-holiday sales, I have amassed a diverse assortment of wrapping paper, colorful twine, ribbon, miniature ornaments, bells, and everything else from cinnamon sticks to dried lemon peels. Believe it or not, I have been able to cut down on the yearly cost of materials by simply recycling discarded twine, ribbon, or yarn. Leftover wrapping paper (after a sheet has been cut to size) is rolled and stored for the following Christmas. And when the time arrives, I search through my holiday inventory to find the appropriate piece of material to successfully complete the task.
The holiday season is now over. I will probably immerse myself in my continuing health journey to clear my head space. That is of course until it is time to tend to my garden!
The Standard #58
To be absolutely clear, a hardworking gentleman understands the meaning and value of his tireless labor. And to be absolutely sure, the reality of fatherhood only heightens said understanding. Trust, this gentleman maintains a deep, fundamental comprehension of provision and the significance of being a contributor. And so, when seasons of life are absent peace or joy – perhaps both; it is not uncommon for him to lean heavily into his work; a passionate attempt to seek refuge and fulfillment by claiming, reasserting his own value to himself. Work is transformed into an instrument that exerts authority over one’s mental and emotional well-being. It is a blunt tool utilized to manage anxiety, stress, insecurity, and pain. He accepts the incredible burden of arduous work to unburden himself of heavier burdens – both emotional and mental. However, whatever accomplishments that are attained, the satisfaction is never truly satisfying. Frantic attempts for relief only lead deeper into work. The wise gentleman must conclude that work does not inherently grant him value. Rather, it is he that affords value to his work, to his friends, to his family, and to himself. So, if no one tells you today (and demonstrate through their actions); I am here to convey on behalf of countless gentlemen such as yourself; you are recognized, appreciated, respected, and loved.
Daddy Diary – Superman Is a Fictional Character, Kryptonite Is Real and Super Dads Are Mortal
Stubbornly, I awkwardly stumbled my way down the driveway to my Ford Fusion and plopped down in the driver’s seat. I placed the key in the ignition to start the engine, shifted into reverse, looked over my right shoulder to confirm clearance – nothing. I looked over my left shoulder – nothing. I shifted the car back into park, removed my keys from the ignition, stumbled to my porch bench and sat there defeated. Nothing. As I had previously peered over my shoulders to perform the ritual of ensuring clearance of stray objects or pedestrians, the nothingness wasn’t the absence of things I may run over, rather it was my vision. I could not clearly make out anything. And so, I sat on my porch bench, defeated, and phoned my wife inside the house to verify if she was going to pick up our son from school. Stubbornly, I was trying to perform the role of Superman, but I failed.
My health issues started the day before on August 4, 2020. I remember that day because I was driving to the polls to vote. As I made a left turn on Evergreen Road, I noticed my vision momentarily blurred as I entered the turn. As I made a mental note of the occurrence, I figured it perhaps a consequence of motion sickness as I sometimes suffer from time to time. However, this time was different because I was the driver and not the passenger. I noted the strange occurrence and continued on to vote with no problems. However, later that evening, I suffered a dizzy spell as I was bringing dinner to the table for the kids. It stopped me dead in my tracks and I had to find my bearings.
Don’t Push Me, Cause I’m Close to the Edge – Maintaining Sanity in a World of Insane Stress
I cannot accurately recite how many times she beckoned for my attention, but the urgency of her tone revealed that it had been more than a few times over. As my mother-in-law called my name, I sat blankly staring out of a window, quietly lost in a turmoil of thought – muted to my surroundings. Suddenly, I was fully present again. I cannot accurately identify the specific catalyst that triggered my temporary, unresponsive state. However, if I dedicate enough thought to the matter, it most likely was a perfect culmination of stress related to marriage, fatherhood, health, and work. Responsibility. Obligation. Accountability. In other words, the daily strain of life.
And absent personal time for proper reflection and meditation, the mind sporadically pivots from one stressor to next, until you slowly begin to detach from your immediate environment – thus perhaps explaining my stupor at the time. My focus was scattered. A multitude of issues converging within my mind simultaneously. The stress would also manifest itself in other aspects of life. Sometimes, I could not derive happiness from events that would normally bring joy. My interpersonal skills would sometimes suffer with people close to me, as I would disconnect and shut individuals out. My drive and energy were nonexistent. While I am certainly not a therapist, I have formulated some thoughts and strategies to combat my stress. I detail a few points below. Nothing is a perfect solution, but it makes stress more manageable.
Stress Relief for the Gentleman
- Recognize, perhaps, there is an issue. I’m just stating if you are feeling out of sorts and stress is becoming overwhelming, it is time to enact measures to address the current adversities burdening your spirit. Don’t ignore what is troubling your mind and spirit.
- Recruit wise counsel, because sometimes having a good sounding board is the perfect tool to help deflect negative energy and guide you in a positive direction. A trusted friend, companion, or trained professionals are excellent options.
- Ground yourself in a positive space. Existing in a constant flux of irritation, anxiety, anger, and sadness is corrosive to your mental, physical, and emotional health. Your frame of mind should align with the well-known Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Perform an activity that is therapeutic. Personally, writing this entry is that therapy for me, as finding fellowship with other gentlemen experiencing the same struggle is calming and reassuring to me. For other individuals, it could an athletic activity. It could be immersing yourself in your favorite arts & crafts, music, photography, gardening, etc. The selected exercise(s) that can soothe and ease your spirit – do it!
- Laugh. No really – laugh. Laughter stimulates the release of endorphins – hormones released within the body that grants a sense of euphoria. There’s nothing like a classic episode of Sanford & Son or Martin to get those endorphins flowing.
- Beware of vices that only serve to satiate your carnal spirit. Embarking down this rabbit hole of excess can be self-destructive, and while temporarily pleasing, it is ineffective addressing the underlying source of your stress and the management thereof.
- Get adequate sleep. Don’t deprive yourself of much-needed rest.
- A gentleman can employ some small, simple tools that bring a touch of happiness or calm. There isn’t a morning or night that I fail to look at pictures of my children on my cell phone. Sometimes I just sit in darkness and listen to the sound of thunderstorms on my Google mini (it reminds me of sitting on the porch with my late grandmother during rainstorms). I like pops of color and pleasant scents, therefore, I revamped my whole workspace (pictured above) with flowers, colored notepads, and potpourri. Where do you extract small measures of joy?
The Gentlemen's Standard 