What I Am Rocking Nowadays – Brooks Brothers Henry the Sheep Graphic Sweatshirt

wp-17038147131765754874386596539114Nowadays, this is what life as a father looks like for me. I am a gentleman of a certain age and grace that now resides in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. My beard is markedly adorned with dignified speckles of white and grey now. My woeful hairline retreated from battle decades ago. My children are growing older now, and Father Time did not sit idly by on my behalf. School events are becoming plentiful, and it is important a father attempt to attend as many as humanly possible. Therefore, school events beg for a presentation from a gentleman that looks the part of a parent. I have always reasoned with myself that I would not be the guy in his 40s foolishly attempting to look like a guy in his 20s. Hello Cliff Huxtable sweaters. Now, I was able to purchase this graphic fleece sweatshirt from Brooks Brothers on a substantial seasonal sale. The goal was to juxtapose a lighthearted, fashionable centerpiece with my otherwise serious demeanor.

An unserious, quirky sweatshirt; I have been able to rediscover and renew my creative personality traits after shedding over 70 pounds. I had a serious health scare back in July 2023, and I have been on the challenging road to improve my health. I will probably write about the experience in later posts. For now, I am enjoying clothing again and expressing my personality through my personal style. Layered over a button up shirt, this sweatshirt was definitely a conversation starter. I signed up to volunteer at my daughter’s school’s open house, and my Henry the Sheep top elicited a lot of compliments and questions. I paired the top with some Mugsy jeans, a Paul Stuart corduroy cap, and Sperry boots – all items middle-aged father approved. I have a few more sweaters I am waiting to rock in the future, and it appears the weather is going to present ample opportunities to sport them. Now, these types of sweaters are definitely not for everyone. You cannot take yourself too seriously, and you need to come to terms with an advancing age that pleads for suitable attire. I’m good on both accounts.

The Professional – Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself – 4 Ways to Confidently Close an Interview

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How a job candidate concludes an interview could seriously play a pivotal role securing a position in an organization. More than likely, it is the final time a candidate can clearly define themselves, summarize their skills, and express enthusiasm toward potentially joining the organization. Stakes can be considerably high with a competitive field, and a job candidate must ensure every measure is taken to court a successful outcome. The conclusion of an interview can be a conflicting combination of relief and regret, as a candidate will be thankful for surviving the question filled gauntlet but may be disappointed with their resulting performance. Confidently closing an interview affords you the opportunity to perform a high level, albeit succinct reiteration of key skills, personal attributes, and talents for consideration. Here below are a few tips.

  • During the close, a candidate should ask the interviewer(s) meaningful, well-thought questions. It is important to remember that the candidate should be determining if the job is a good fit for them as well. Aside from the standard fare of hours, wages, and benefits; a candidate should be inquiring about culture, training, company/department objectives, and job expectations within their first three months of employment. This level of engagement reiterates your excitement and interest regarding the position. It would also be beneficial that you are familiar with company’s vision and mission. If it is an internal department, it would behoove you to educate yourself regarding the department’s direction or any significant projects on the horizon.
  • Ensure that you present a clear vision and goal for yourself. Any personal objectives should align with the organization’s mission and vision. Again, a candidate should devote the proper time reviewing the company’s website for pertinent, detailed information. It is always wise to map out objectives and goals for your career ahead of time. It demonstrates forward-thinking and illustrates a genuine interest in the company’s future.
  • A candidate should clearly, succinctly rearticulate their talents and skills. It would be wise to grant thought toward adjectives that best describe you professionally and how those characteristics apply to the position you are seeking. A candidate should review the job description, identify keywords pertaining to the position, and smartly tailor their pitch to coincide with the company’s needs. Should a candidate copy words from the job description verbatim? Absolutely not. That would signal a particular level of laziness by the candidate. You should, however, review the job description and capture the spirit of any job prerequisites.
  • Never underestimate the importance of extending sincere gratitude for the opportunity to interview. Ensure that you have a writing utensil and piece of paper to capture names of anyone interviewing you. And verify the correct spellings. If there are multiple individuals asking questions, don’t write the same canned response to everyone. Craft a different thank you note for anyone involved in the interview process. This process may be considered old school, but what it reflects that you are serious about the opportunity. E-mail can work, but I suggest you make a trip to Target and purchase some blank thank you cards. After the interview, find a location to write your thank you cards and drop them off at the front desk – same day. If your interview was already tight; this extra measure can leave an indelible mark in their memory and separate you from the pack.

The Professional – Just for the Record – Why Documentation is Required Practice When Managing People

wp-1703802505364293885935194685955If I may offer some gentle advice to any new manager or supervisor: document, document, and document. And if you are a veteran leader in people management, but have mistakenly failed to perform this required practice, well, it would behoove you to document, document, and document some more immediately. Trust, an otherwise quaint work environment can become as brutal as Game of Thrones at the drop of a dime. The emergence of deceit, politics, jealously, power struggle, manipulation, and outright hate would make Cersei Lannister a proud, blushing queen. Managing a wide array of unique personalities, you can trust that at some point a colleague is going to come at you sideways. And in the event when that occurs, it is paramount that you are appropriately armed with receipts. I am speaking about recorded documentation of events and conversations that can confidently address any allegation, accusation, denial, work violation, so on and so forth.

A comprehension record of critical incidents at work is vital, especially if human resources need to be involved in a delicate situation. Let me be perfectly clear, documenting either issues with productivity or behavior should not be utilized with the intent to terminate any employee. Rather, the purpose documentation is to articulate a clear timeline of events, set clear expectations of job performance, and ensure that everyone has the same knowledge of company policies, procedures, changes, upcoming events, etc. It is all about communication with the colleague. Unfortunately, it is also to protect yourself in case a colleague decides to go full Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger) on you – manipulating both facts and people to bring about your downfall. Nope, you have to go full Sansa Stark and start running those receipts until they have no room to wiggle out of their deceit and treachery. Alright, enough Game of Thrones callbacks, here are a few reasons why it is important to keep detailed notes when in the role of management.

  • E-mail timestamps are a beautiful thing to behold. It captures the date, time, and any recipients that have received the electronic transmission of important information. This electronic signature can be invaluable when someone attempts to muddy a timeline of events or outright deny something occurred. And to take it up a notch, configure the e-mail to request a Read Receipt, which notifies you when your e-mail has been delivered and opened by the receiver. Save that Read Receipt if ever a dispute arises with anyone revising history.
  • If you are communicating directly with a subordinate, and the conversation begs for a second set of eyes, blind copy your immediate leadership so they are aware of any worthy communication that should be captured. You never want your boss to be blindsided by a situation if a colleague decides to go rouge and torch the entire department. Your boss does not necessarily need to act on the matter. This exercise is merely a courtesy heads-up for awareness.
  • The work environment can be hectic with an ever-changing landscape of policy and protocol. Therefore, if you find yourself leading a team huddle or meeting, it would be wise to assign the task of taking minutes to a colleague so it can be distributed via e-mail (there’s that timestamp again). This is a step to make sure everyone is on the same page. However, you will STILL have that one employee that will deny they were told anything. Luckily for you, those minutes are a timestamped record that they were duly informed. And if not taking minutes, jot down a brief summary of the team discussion and e-mail accordingly.
  • You would be performing a great service to yourself, because even if you don’t have it committed to memory, understanding the company’s mission and vision should help guide your management style as a leader. Copy and paste that company doctrine and slap it on a desktop sticky note. What does that have to do with document, document, and document? Because, if the situation ever calls for corrective action (either verbal or written), you should be armed with HR policy and procedures at the ready to deliver to an employee. Used in tandem with the knowledge of the mission and vision, you should be able to confidently deliver any appropriate corrective action with the company’s own language in black and white. And by the way, even “verbal” corrective actions should be documented.
  • On the topic of corrective action, omit any personal feelings or opinion on the employee matter. Rather, speak specifically to either employee behavior or productivity in regard to how they are not aligned with the company policy or protocol. Focus on areas of opportunity for improvement. In regard to either behavior or productivity, there should not be any surprises, as a manager should keep the employee informed of both. A detailed capture of any check-ins/reviews should be provided to the employee.
  • Does your company utilize a messaging software platform such as Microsoft 365 Teams? If so, well yes, those communications should be captured and filed away in another application such as Microsoft 365 OneNote. If that is not available, you can go the old-school route and file it away in a desktop folder. And you can be extra cautious by printing out any communications and filing it away in a physical folder – in a secure location of course. Whatever internal messaging platform your company is using; this can be an excellent way to document any important information that should be noted.
  • Every situation will not need an immediate corrective action. However, it is important to take notes that detail an ongoing situation. Email those notes to yourself so that the date of the occurrence is recorded and timestamped. If you find yourself in a tense situation with a colleague, state that the present behavior does not align with company or department policy, indicate you will be discussing the situation with upper management, and if further action is required you will be in contact. And then kindly excuse yourself from the interaction. Immediately record the event while still fresh in your memory but give yourself time to cool off if you are rattled or out of sorts emotionally. It is tough, but remember, you simply need to record the occurrence and utilize company/department policy to support your recommendation (if any) for corrective measures.

Living Your Best Life – Giving It the Best That You Got – Finding Joy

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An important component to parenting is the level of effort one expends to be engaged with one’s offspring. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked why I took the time to wrap Christmas gifts in such a fancy manner. Ultimately, the gift wrap would be hastily torn to shreds anyway. He did not really understand the reason for it all. And that is a fair question to pose. Well, there are two primary reasons why I decide to take the time to gift wrap items with a little extra flair. Now, it may be a cliche sentiment, but it really is the thought that matters. Somewhere in my children’s subconscious thoughts, I hope they are developing a deep appreciation and thankfulness for their father’s engagement. Years and years from now, it is my hope that I have created special memories they can recall when they are older. I want them to remember that during their formative childhood years; their father was an involved father. I feel overwhelming pride knowing that I am trying my best.

wp-17037497823152356965055761133696So, sure the little ones (I suppose they are not so little now) tear through their gifts like Tasmanian devils, but it well worth the effort to have a beautiful Christmas tree presentation with a colorful medley of decorative gifts underneath. My son even tagged along with me as we visited Michaels and Target to procure the necessary items to create a Palmer Winter Wonderland in the house. Hopefully, he is learning some lessons along the way. We did not purchase anything too ornate or spectacular, but the purchases enhanced the holiday spirit around the house.

wp-17037497826143480946093318733622The secondary reason for going the extra mile with gift wrapping affects me directly. Given that I do not have any harmful vices that would produce pleasure, but are nonetheless destructive, I am left to seek out positive outlets to trigger beneficial dopamine releases. Dopamine is an organic chemical that affects areas of the brain associated with temporary feelings of satisfaction, motivation, pleasure, and happiness. Therefore, it is common to find me in the yard during the summer tending to the family garden and mowing the lawn. The reward for the fruits of my labor is a great sense of accomplishment and pride. I never thought I would be that guy, but spending time out with nature and nurturing plant life is truly rewarding. Nowadays, I am always on the lookout for a project that elicits some inkling of happiness. 

wp-17037962854744167442503024111754Honestly, I would be dishonest if I said every aspect of my life was perfect and happy. No, unfortunately, that is simply not the case. Life can be indiscriminately unforgiving. Some days are really challenging. So, I wholeheartedly try to utilize every tool in my well-being toolbox to achieve as much balance as possible. The present above is one that really brought a smile to my face. The wrapping paper was heavier than the normal, standard variety one would purchase. The grayish blue surface was speckled with a glitter-like, grainy touch. It almost has a shimmer to it. It was simple, yet elegant. I used some excess paper to make a little bow which I affixed to the box with rustic piece of Christmas twine and bell. It’s amazing the sense of peace I feel as I fold, cut, tie, and tape my way to a finished project. I was really pleased with the results, and every time I saw it underneath the tree, I smiled inside with warm pride.

  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #1 – Identify an activity that engages and brings happiness to the life of another person(s). 
  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #2 – Identify an activity that brings personal contentment and a sense of accomplishment with yourself.

 

 

What I Am Rocking Right Now – Converse Chuck Taylor All Star

Hi everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed and had a joyous Christmas. Well, COVID-19 finally decided to visit the Palmer household. Somehow miraculously, I was not infected by the virus, but the rest of my family were not as fortunate. Thankfully, everyone has recovered and are healthy, but during that time I just did not have to energy to write as I was holding down the house. Soon after, I was especially busy with the requisite Christmas shopping, decorating, wrapping, and other various happenings going on with the holiday. And when I finally sat down to write, I received an odd error message regarding my Internet connection not being secure.

Therefore, I could not post any content on the Internet. The WordPress team finally resolved that issue, so I wanted to check in with a fun post about a daddy/daughter sneaker ball I attended a few weeks ago. Now, I probably own well over one hundred pairs of footwear, yet surprisingly only two pairs in that collection are sneakers. I do own some sneaker/dress shoe variants from Allen Edmonds, but those are suited more for business casual environments. The dance offered me the opportunity to blow the dust off my Converse sneakers and hit the town with my daughter. Here is how it all came together.

  • For a gentleman, it is always savvy to smartly complement your companion’s outfit. My daughter’s dress was pink, so I decided to wear a pink button-down dress shirt.
  • To accessorize the look, I selected a pocket square, a flower lapel button, and striped socks all in varying hues of lavender or pink.
  • I wanted to convey a sophisticated street presentation, so I ditched the necktie and paired some dark denim jeans with a powder blue sport coat.
  • Of course, I had to top off the look with an elegant, gentleman’s brim.
  • Since it was a sneaker ball, the shoes really needed to be the highlight of the outfit. I must admit, I bought this particular model/color with my daughter in mind about a year ago. I am somewhat of a serious guy, so I wanted a playful and colorful pair of sneakers to contrast my personality. The sneakers complemented her playful shoes and tights perfectly.
  • This was the first time I had dressed up in a long time. My sneakers garnered compliments all evening long. I think the biggest nod of approval was from an elderly man I saw in a store (I stopped to get my daughter dessert afterwards). He was literally staring me up and down. When he realized how long he was staring at me, he offered an apology, and expressed appreciation for my outfit – especially the hat and shoes.
  • I think outfit worked really well. I think I will try to look more in the future. Converse is in the midst of a sale with some really cool colors and models to offer.

Living Your Best Life – I’m About to Lose My Mind (Up in Here, Up in Here) – 5 Ways to Master a Peaceful You

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A wise gentleman understands that it is his obligation to prioritize, promote, and protect his inner peace & well-being. Mastering both peace & well-being, a gentleman must define and be a staunch advocate for establishing boundaries and eliminating stressful environments. It is not his responsibility to compromise his comfort or suffer the misery of others. Becoming a passive participant in matters that agitate your spirit is never healthy. A gentleman should give himself to activities that facilitate mindfulness and personal growth. Here are five ways I am learning to guard and nurture my peace.

  • On occasion, to connect with oneself, you need to disconnect from the turbulence in the world. Yes, I attempt to stay abreast of current events. Nevertheless, the news can be a nasty business that traffics in emotional manipulation with inflammatory rhetoric and targeted influence. Therefore, I am mindful of what I watch on television in terms of receiving information. If I watch television, I love a good comedy series. You can never go wrong with Sanford & Son!
  • I remember when social media platforms were environments where friends & family could share achievements, establish social connections, reconnect with old acquaintances, and provide whimsical updates regarding life. Now, it is just fertile ground for hyperbolic, sensationalized clickbait dealing in disagreeable culture war debates. If it does not apply, I just scroll on by. And disabling accounts altogether may be a good option as well.
  • I can be described as antisocial. However, family & close friends understand that I am just not talkative. And I have learned that if the vibe with a person or in a group gathering is off; it is best that I just separate myself from the situation. I really don’t have the talent for being fake to go along just to get along. I tend to avoid meanspirited people with conceited, cantankerous temperaments. That type of attitude does not align with my core values, and interaction can be extremely exhausting. Identify those individuals that are a drain on your spirit and either avoid or sever ties.
  • I have learned that sometimes the best response is no response. Regardless of your diligence to avoid it; misery will always find a path to intersect with your life. Sometimes you have to walk away because granting your energy toward something that produces negative returns is not fruitful.
  • I seek and embrace settings that encourage peace and reduce stress. Of course, this will be different for everyone. Personally, I am fond of darkness (if the setting permits) with the sound of the ocean, rain, or a thunderstorm playing on my Google Nest Mini. I immerse myself in deep thoughts of gratitude. I positively reflect on my past, the present, and what I would like to see for the future. And sometimes I just close my eyes and become lost in the sounds of nature (via the Google Nest Mini). I find word search puzzles amazingly relaxing. And in the summer, I sit on my porch and enjoy my garden; watching butterflies and bees come and go.

Please share how you find peace in your life. If you appreciate and enjoy the content, please drop a like on the post and share with family, friends, or someone in need of a good word. Appreciate you all.

Living Your Best Life – Self-acceptance

wp-17004456890914547504081630519463Years ago, an individual thought it was proper to mock my lifestyle because I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke, and I don’t really attend large social gatherings often. I am somewhat of an introvert, and I would rather enjoy my own company along with a select few friends and family. My assumption is my lifestyle would be classified as “square”. I was being harshly judged and roundly ridiculed. Now, the subject matter does not garner a lot of mainstream conversation, but men can often be subject to societal scrutiny.

It is a scrutiny that evaluates and determines our masculinity based upon the ability to perform XY & Z. And if a man does not check enough of the proverbial boxes, well, then he is somehow less of a man. Opinionated circles and social media platforms will constantly bombard men with questionable beta versus alpha arguments (really just sensationalized clickbait), but truthfully, we all just trying to make it through our lives how we know best. Now, true enough, self-improvement should be a part of anyone’s life. And one should always strive to become a better version of themself.

Nevertheless, one must be careful of attempting to become an inauthentic version of oneself. Never compromise your character and integrity to appease and satisfy the requirements of someone else’s standards. Afterall, those said standards may not align with your own moral code or beliefs. One should never rise to reach lowered expectations. Embrace all of your personal attributes that make you…you. And love yourself unconditionally. I cannot express that enough because men need to talk about it more. Love yourself man! Look, I cannot change a tire. I cannot hang drywall. I cannot change the brakes on a car. However, I can: mow & maintain a beautiful lawn, cook some utterly delicious shrimp & grits, communicate on a level that inspires and commands respect, and decorate a space with beautifully coordinated home accessories. And I’m a pretty good father – at least I believe it so.

Check the Christmas chipmunk you see above. I was shopping at Michaels when I spotted some odds and ends. I’m pretty creative, so my mind started assembling these separates to create a cute little Christmas display for the breakfast nook. That is what I like to do, that is who I am, and it brings happiness to my spirit. Embrace your God-given talents and live by your own moral code; allow no one else to dictate otherwise. Love you!

What I’m Wearing Right Now – Dior Fahrenheit

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To be quite honest, unquestionably, Dior Fahrenheit is not the type of fragrance that will endear itself to the noses of gentlemanly masses. Perhaps the shift by designer fragrances toward sweeter, unisex scents have greatly influenced today’s market. So, Fahrenheit’s aggressive and serious scent profile could be reasonably unappealing and surprising to many men. Personally, I like the boldness of the old-school, masculine vibe that Fahrenheit superbly offers. Because sometimes, the moment calls upon a robust scent that exudes ruggedness and strength to perform. And this is especially true when a gentleman is challenged to shift toward the cooling temperatures of autumn and winter. Possibly staring down the approach of inclement conditions; striking the right notes (see what I did there) can set the tone for the season.

Top notes are nutmeg flower, lavender, cedar, mandarin orange, chamomile, hawthorn, bergamot and lemon. Middle notes are violet leaf, nutmeg, cedar, sandalwood, carnation, honeysuckle, jasmine and lily-of-the-valley. Base notes are leather, vetiver, musk, amber, patchouli and tonka bean. Many describe it as having a strong gasoline odor, but I think those sentiments are greatly exaggerated – unless a gentleman goes absolutely berserk with the atomizer. It is a deep, warm fragrance with firm touches of leather and wood. Fahrenheit demands the presence of a leather jacket, shearling, denim, corduroy, boots, flat caps and woolen fabrics – not all at once of course. Best suited for late afternoon or evening wear; Fahrenheit is an unapologetic, long-lasting scent that can instill confidence, readiness, and boost self-esteem. It definitely has a home in my cold season rotation. What is a mainstay in your cologne rotation during this season?

Gentlemen’s Review – Balls Trimmer V2

wp-17005455321073121085466371548828Okay, I have to be totally honest with the audience. I was a little hesitant to review this male grooming product. However, we should all be adults congregating here. And besides, male grooming is no longer a taboo subject that threatens a man’s masculinity. Right? The fact of the matter is this: No matter what part of the body we are discussing; a well-groomed area can be beneficial for both personal hygiene and appearance. In this particular case, we are discussing a gentleman’s private area. Trust me. Make any reference to harming anything in his groin region, and then watch that gentleman instantly clutch his thighs together in imaginary pain.

Therefore, I fully understand why blades vibrating at 6,200 RPMs near the nether region does not sound particularly desirable. Nevertheless, as I mentioned before, a well-groomed area (down there) has the potential to reduce odor and bacteria that cling to your overgrown manliness. And while I can’t promise a trimmer will transform you into an adult film star (Dirk Diggler anyone?), a trimmer can showcase you a little more and visually add some length – which could boost confidence and self-esteem. And if you happen to participate in relationships between consenting adults; your partner may be more inclined to travel downtown for some sightseeing and fun activities. So, here’s hoping I don’t get myself into a pickle and get the shaft from the company by nicking myself from a bad product. I’m doing this for you guys!

  • First, let me address the huge elephant in the room – the branding. Yes, the branding is unbelievably juvenile worth a snicker or two. And yes, being a gentleman with young children in the home, I should not need to hide this boxed grooming product like a sex toy. Seriously, even sex toys arrive with more discreet packaging – not that I would know anything about that. Look, I just wish the presentation and overall branding was a little more modest. It did serve up a few light-hearted chuckles though.
  • The trimmer is lightweight, sleek (5.9 inches), and easily fits inside the palm of your hand. If I did not know any better, I would surmise that the slightly contoured trimmer was phallic in design and presentation. I am certain that was no accident.
  • The trimmer has a matte finish and is waterproof. I did not use it in a running shower, nevertheless, it was easy to grip doing usage. It was easy to handle, and clean-up was a quick rinse under the faucet (the blades don’t rust).
  • Near the, um, head of the trimmer; it is equipped with a bright LED light that helps illuminate angles in hard to view areas. Combined with curved design, I found it very user-friendly while navigating and shaving. The ceramic blades have a removable guard that can be adjusted up to three lengths. The longest length really is not needed unless you have ZZ Top rocking at the bottom. You can take the guard off, but you better exhibit some patience along with a steady hand. This is not the type of routine one would want to rush through. With the guard on at the shortest possible length, the trimmer performed a serviceable job. You won’t be smooth like a dolphin, but you won’t have Bigfoot between your legs either.
  • If I were to nitpick, I wish the cradle that holds the trimmer was a little more solid. I would not describe it as flimsy, but the trimmer does not feel quite as secure when positioned inside and could easily topple over. And the USB charging cord does not have a charging brick. This is a grooming tool meant for the bathroom, so my preference would be to have it plug directly into a wall socket. So, you will need to find a charging brick to use in conjunction with the charging cord. I am sure you don’t want to be charging this bad boy up from your laptop with tiny bits of hair finding its way on your keyboard. 
  • The company claims that a single blade is good for shaving approximately one gorilla, but this gentleman is unwilling to test that theory. Just be comforted that a replacement blade can be purchased for $24.00 on their website.
  • The Balls Trimmer is competitively priced and is a competent grooming tool for men. It’s easy to use with the “sack-safe” guard providing reassurance that you won’t nick yourself. I managed to stay out of the emergency room during my test run. There are a few things I would change such as the trimmer cradle and USB charging cord, but it would depend on your own personal preference. That may not be a deal breaker for you. The company appears to be all in with the suggestive branding, but that may deter few from buying the product. 
  •  MSRP $69.00 – Black Friday 25% off sitewide
  • Included with trimmer: charging cable, cleaning brush, and trimmer cradle.
  • Website link HERE
  • Amazon link HERE

The Standard #3

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The knowledgeable gentleman comprehends that his image does not begin with how society views him. Rather, the gentleman’s image begins with how he sees himself. He alone determines and dictates the manner in which he is presented to the world. When he gazes into the mirror, the reflection of greatness should readily greet him. It does not begin with the clothing he chooses to attire himself in, nor the vehicle he selects to navigate city streets. Not the place of employment where he makes a living. Not the amount of money presently residing in his bank account. Why? Well, because character starts with his self-worth. His esteem is not erected upon a mountain of biodegradable materialism – subject to decay and waste. No, the gentleman’s image is based on gentlemanly fundamentals that are concrete and certain. Virtue. Honor. Principle. Forthrightness. The Gentlemen’s Standard.

The Polished Professional – The Man in the Mirror – Three Toxic Behaviors That Can Stop Your Career Advancement

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Hit dogs are probably going holler when they read this post. The purpose is not to offend; rather it is to enlighten. Because unfortunately, someone is currenting sabotaging their career right now with negative behavior. I just want to point out possible blind spots. Self-awareness is defined as having an understanding of your own thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, and actions. For the purpose of this entry, the concentration will be on one’s actions, specifically in the work environment.

As an employee navigates the challenging terrain of the workplace, it is crucial to acknowledge and accept that one’s behavior has a direct influence over one’s career path. Therefore, a lack of self-awareness potentially deprives one of opportunities to identify areas in need of improvement and recognize how people around you react to your work ethic. Sometimes you really need to read the room. Have an honest conversation with yourself, do any of the points below describe how you act in the office? It just may be the reason why your career is stifled. Continue to read.

  • As an employee, you expend more time and energy attempting to exploit loopholes in company policies or undermine the organization as a whole by questioning every leadership directive out of spite. Being a staunch admirer of your own intelligence and skill; the sole goal is to outsmart the company or voice vigorous dissenting opinions – striving for maximum professional bedlam. Well, congratulations because you have officially branded yourself as either untrustworthy or cantankerous – maybe even both. And while your actions may not rise to the level of immediate termination; don’t expect career advancement any time soon. You are proving you do not align with the organization’s mission and vision. You do not add any value. And worst yet, you are most likely an exhaustive drain on leadership and your peers. And eventually, you just may be shown the door.
  • Your business is minding the business of your peers. And you never saw a bus too small to throw someone under. Yes, you are that type of employee that everyone despises. You are the type of employee that discloses private business offered to you in confidence. Your favorite hobby is snitching on fellow coworkers because you believe it elevates your status or perhaps you extract jollies from getting others in trouble. Sure, leadership may love gleaning valuable intelligence from their favorite informant, but trust, they will never elevate you above your current station. Your backhanded duplicitous nature does not exactly scream team player or leadership material. You lack respect from leadership and coworkers alike. You’re only useful at being used, and that is not position you should desire.
  • There is a clear distinction between being a righteous advocate for oneself and being a victim. Now, before everyone jumps all over me, yes, there are valid injustices in the workplace. And those occurrences should be identified and addressed accordingly. However, if you are repeatedly crying wolf absent supporting evidence & documentation to validate your assertions, your claims will lose credibility with each passing allegation. And honestly, the sad part is the aggrieved party knows full well that their grievances are without merit. Attention, good or bad, is still attention. Nevertheless, spoiler alert, no one likes drama. Work is already stressful. No one wants to welcome even more. Perhaps something more nefarious is afoot. Regrettably, perhaps it is just another ploy to work an angle for personal gain and subvert the system. This ties to the first bullet point above; lack of integrity and honesty is a surefire way to stall career advancement.

I understand there may be exceptions to the examples I listed above. However, odds are not in your favor if you embody any of the traits discussed here. Every now and again, one has to look in the mirror and determine if they are the source of their work problems and stagnant career. It may be difficult to confront yourself, but your growth and development will benefit in the long run.

Monday Morning Musings – Thoughts Weighing on my Heart & Mind 11.13.23

  • Halloween 2023Sometimes, ignorance truly is wonderful bliss. True indeed, life can be can suffocatingly stressful. Nowadays, I draw happiness and joy from the innocence of my children – like seeing them catch snowflakes with their tongues on Halloween.
  • True enough, happiness won’t always find you, but one can always identify something that fills you with gratitude.
  • I purchased a Vasagle coat rack from Amazon last week. A steel frame with four wooden shelves, it adds a touch of charm to my home office. A well-organized, tidy space allows me to think clearly and better.
  • While cleaning the office and identifying items for recycling, I came across some magazines that were ten to twenty years old. It is painfully obvious and amazing that the average gentleman is no longer the target demographic. During a time when classic men’s style was championed by popular men’s magazines; that is unfortunately no longer the case. The magazines are either defunct or cater to unreasonable, fashion extremes better suited for the quirks of Hollywood than regular ordinary life.
  • I graduated from Cass Technical High School in 1994 where preppy style was immensely popular amongst the student body. Maybe that is why I like that damn Polo Bear so much.
  •  Bed Bath and Beyond offered a wonderfully scented candle from the Heirloom Home collection. It was called warm flannel. The smell of that candle helped me through some rough days a few years back. The company declared bankruptcy and closed its brick-and-mortar locations. Acquired by Overstock.com, the Bed Bath and Beyond name currently existed online under the operations of a rebranded Overstock. Sadly, the Heirloom Home Warm Flannel candle is not available for purchase. I miss that candle.
  • Emotional pain is similar to a back injury. There is a certain degree of healing. However, what was before will never quite be the same. Some days will be better than others, but the pain will always exist in varying intensities. It will all depend upon how you handle it.
  • At my moderately advanced age, I cannot allow certain things stress or upset me. And so, watching the Detroit Pistons has been placed on deserved hiatus until the organization gets their act together.
  • Through a work benefit, I have a monthly standing appointment with a life coach to discuss my mental health and well-being. We do not talk about the Detroit Pistons.

Black Thought – Happiness

Alice Walker

“Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.”

Alice Walker

I won’t insult the audience with a platitude that sounds pleasing to the ears, and albeit well-intended, sadly lacks real world practicality. The unfortunate truth is that happiness is not a perpetual guarantee, nor promise for anyone. Your happiness and the pursuit thereof are your sole responsibility. Because, in this mutually shared event called life, we cannot be mere spectators allowing our joy to be dictated by the actions of others. To be clear, you must assume ownership of your own contentment and what affects you. To do otherwise is to unconditionally submit your well-being to uncertainty. Sometimes, you cannot control the environment around you. However, you can control your thoughts and how you react.

Far too often I have foolishly sacrificed my own wellness to please others; grossly mistaking that the gesture would be reciprocated. To enjoy a fulfilling return on your happiness; you must fully invest in yourself. You must allocate the necessary time and resources to fill your spirit with gratification and jubilance. Music is one of my outlets. So, when I cue either Stevie Wonder or Luther Vandross to play on my Google smart display, my spirits are instantly raised. I smile. I dance a little jig. I sing with a joyous heart. In that moment I am happy. If the moment presents itself – take it! And if not – make it!

Black Thought – Purpose

carter-g-woodson-2

“Real education means to inspire people to live more abundantly, to learn to live with life as they find it and make it better.”

– Carter G. Woodson

To be absolutely sure, a gentleman’s life earns new significance when he not only identifies his purpose, but he also cultivates that purpose into something tangible that benefits other individuals. It is tragically irresponsible when an accomplished gentleman attains a certain degree of success, only to be miserly and penurious with his blessings. For the blessed gentleman that enjoys prosperity and favor, it is critical that he utilizes his influence to encourage, empower, and educate the under-served, often neglected sects of our society.

When benevolence and compassion no longer exist in the hearts and minds of men, the quality of life for both the fortunate and less fortunate gradually diminish. And the best quality of life is something we should all strive to achieve – for everyone. So, operating within your domain of achievement, I urge the gentleman to re-purpose his purpose and seek to promote excellence and success in the lives those who are underprivileged. And going forward, hopefully, they will perform the same charitable act for someone else.

What I’m Wearing Right Now – Jean Paul Gaultier – Le Male Le Parfum Intense

I have lurked around enough online fragrance communities to realize a great misconception amongst that particular audience. It is the thought that every gentleman should harbor a deep affinity for complex, unique fragrances born from the creative noses of master perfumers. However, if you are an ordinary guy that fancies a designer, mass-appealing fragrance such as Dior Sauvage, well, that designated selection is somewhat frowned upon. And in some cases that choice of cologne is mocked and belittled. Some of the reasoning behind the intense dislike for Sauvage: Everyone allegedly owns it. It is too mainstream. It lacks creativity. And…Johnny Depp reps it in Dior commercials. I suppose no one wants to smell like Captain Jack Sparrow.

Now, there is nothing wrong with an honest, true appreciation of a beautiful, well-crafted scent. However, when that attitude leans heavily elitist, the views and opinions can be downright obnoxious. Generally, for the everyday gentleman, it roughly comes down to 4 As for cologne: aroma, affordability, audience, and affection. Is the scent profile pleasing? How much does it cost? Are you wearing it to elicit compliments or just personal enjoyment? Perhaps both? How does it make you feel when you wear it?

It all comes down to this: Wear what you love. You can walk outside right now in the real world, and no one is going to grade your cologne against another fragrance – if you’re even wearing cologne at all. So, that brings me to what I am wearing this season. Yes, a mass produced, designer fragrance that does not push any boundaries. However, as I stated before, wear what pleases you the most. And besides, Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male Le Parfum Intense (that’s a mouthful) smells fantastic during cooler months. Here are just a few of my thoughts on the fragrance.

  • Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male Le Parfum Intense is a 2020 release; created by perfumers Quentin Bisch and Natalie Gracia-Cetto. I was not even in the market for a new cologne, but a chance visit to my favorite spot – Von Maur – presented the opportunity to sample the new offering as it was just hitting the market. It was love at first whiff. With Le Male Le Parfum Intense, the note breakdown is as follows: cardamom (top), lavender + iris (heart), and vanilla +oriental + woodsy (base).
  • Within the muscular, signature sailor inspired bottle you’ll find a warm, slightly spicy scent that is gracefully sensual without being aggressively carnal. You’ll smell like a sexy beast with more emphasis on sexy and less on beast. So yes, upon applying a few sprays from the golden atomizer, I instantly feel like a smooth operator (think Big Daddy Kane circa 88-89′).
  • As the cologne evolves, the middle and base notes produce a soft powdery sweet licorice vibe. I know that may appear as if this scent leans feminine, but assuredly it does not. Despite the aromatic, fresh feel during the dry down; the smell is sufficiently dark with enough weight to be comforting and intimate. And actually, this is one of my favorite bedroom scents, as it conveys an inviting amount of coziness. This is not a loud scent. The last thing you want is an aggressive smell that chases your boo from under the covers and out the bedroom door.
  • With this scent, one can go an easy 6-8 sprays without overdoing it. Nevertheless, be mindful that everyone has a different body chemistry, so experiment with what works best for you. Depending on the number of applications, a gentleman should get a solid 6-7 hours of performance. And even after, you would still be able to detect it, albeit lying intimately closer to the skin.
  • JPG Le Male Le Parfum is formulated for the measured gentleman that aims to project quiet authority and confidence. This is definitely a cologne designed for cooler temperatures, so fall and winter is a perfect time to deploy this beautiful scent. Depending on the environment and occasion, I believe this scent is business casual appropriate. You can definitely wear this to the office, and it would be great for a classy date night with that special someone. It is a serious scent without being too rigid.
  • Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male Le Parfum Intense retails for $106.00 2.5 oz. and $135.00 4.2 oz. True, that price tag may be a little steep for a lot of guys. However, being three years removed from its launch, you can probably purchase it from and online discounter. And Macy’s runs a sale seemingly every other week, so there’s that option as well. If not there, it is available at Jean Paul Gaultier, Ulta Beauty, Nordstrom, Von Maur, and other fine men’s department stores.