Category Archives: Life

Living Your Best Life – Watch for the Crash-Out – Slow Down, Brake for Wisdom

April 2, 2026 By in Best Life, Life Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

An intelligent gentleman understands that wisdom entails a discerning practice of collecting information while observing and understanding life experiences. Utilizing that knowledge, wisdom demands meaningful reflection followed by deliberate, calculated decision-making based on mental & emotional clarity, practicality, and well-thought conclusions. Wisdom thrives when a gentleman is devoid of self-sabotaging traits such as misguided arrogance and impulsivity. Unfortunately, wisdom is sometimes betrayed by the incontestable inexperience and volatility of youth.

This particular subject is top of mind due to the current events surrounding Jaden Ivey and his uncertain future in the National Basketball Association. Ivey was dismissed from the Chicago Bulls shortly after sharing some of his beliefs on Instagram. The purpose of this post is not to argue what is just or unjust about Ivey being waived from the team. Rather, I would like to use this event to offer practical advice to anyone that may be prone to rash decisions that lead to unexpected and unfortunate consequences. This can certainly apply to anyone, but I specifically want to speak to the young crowd today. I hope some of this information provides needed insight for someone.

  • Gentlemen, listen closely, not everything is meant for public consumption. Social media has become so ingrained in today’s society that the irresistible urge to share the most personal, intimate details of our lives has become ridiculously addictive. Meta and YouTube were just recently sued and found liable for that very fact, but I digress. Stop oversharing! For example, no husband should voice grievances about his spouse or significant other online. Some things are meant to remain private, away from the prying eyes and opinions of strangers. Guys, we do not move in this manner. It is never wise to invite the world into your bedroom. The outcomes could be regretfully disastrous.
  • Are you familiar with the saying “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? One’s message may indeed be reasonable, bear common sense, and grounded in truth. However, if the delivery is abrasive, confrontational, judgmental, and needlessly pushy; individuals will be turned away from your message instead of toward it. Your delivery matters. And ensure that you gather and place your thoughts in logical order. Anyone attempting to navigate a maze of incoherent rambling will find themselves lost and confused.
  • A gentleman must slow down and think before he acts on matters of importance. Recalling the first bullet point, too many people rush to social media for affirmation and approval. People desperately want to feel a sense of justification and confirmation based on “likes” and comments from strangers – some with nefarious intentions. And even worse, some of the responses could be the creation of an A.I. Bot. Your mental health and well-being are potentially compromised by a non-human. No. Think before you speak or act. And honestly, you probably should not do either. People (especially our young folks) can lack the foresight, failing to identify downstream effects and ramifications.
  • Similar to delivery, a gentleman should be mindful of his presentation – appearances matter. An unkempt, disheveled presentation can unfortunately undermine your credibility even if your messaging is rock solid. It’s possible you can lose the audience before you even secure their attention. And if a messy appearance is combined with an incoherent message – forget about it.
  • Matters of great importance or bear the potential for serious consequences require counsel with trusted sources. Never just wing it. There are angles and blind spots that require awareness. Having a conversation with someone and hearing your words out loud can offer much-needed reflection and insight. Wisdom is procured and refined over the course of time through lived experiences, learning from others, and deep reflection. Constructive dialogue and feedback make it stronger.

All I Want for Christmas is…Peace of Mind.

January 1, 2026 By in Life, Self-care & Mental Health Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Greetings, I hope everyone had a blessed, safe, and happy holidays over the past few weeks. For legions of children across the globe, the most wonderful time of the year brings excited anticipation and curiosity, as meticulously (or perhaps not) wrapped gifts magically appear beneath Christmas trees in households the world over. And shortly thereafter, many adults gather to ring in the new year with much-needed hope and fruitful, new beginnings. Personally, the gift I desire the most does not physically arrive in beautiful wrapping paper, tucked quietly under a Christmas tree. And heading into the new year, it is something I hope to have in abundance – peace of mind.

For many people, peace of mind can assume a variety of forms. Personally, during this time of year, the delicate art of wrapping gifts provides that peace of mind. The crafty exercise allows my mind to slow down and focus intently on the objective at hand. On its surface, it may seem like a cumbersome task – more pain in the butt than peace. However, with each careful fold or playful tie of a ribbon, the satisfying reward of seeing the finished work is undoubtedly worth the time and effort.

It affords me a quiet space in my head to tap into my thoughts and harness my creativity. Sometimes, I just look at my gift-wrapping accessories that I have slowly acquired over the years. I begin to dream of different color and material combinations in my head, and in turn, how will I adorn the exterior of the gift. Sometimes a fold will present a pleasant challenge. The wrapping paper won’t be as crisp. Some delicate paper may even mistakenly rip. Other times, I will need to untie a bow and start the process from the beginning. Nevertheless, it is all a part of the process. Surely, dutiful practice sharpens one’s skills. And once a flow is established, I can crank out gifts like a true Santa’s workshop. Looking at the finished project fills me with pride.

Capitalizing on end-of-holiday sales, I have amassed a diverse assortment of wrapping paper, colorful twine, ribbon, miniature ornaments, bells, and everything else from cinnamon sticks to dried lemon peels. Believe it or not, I have been able to cut down on the yearly cost of materials by simply recycling discarded twine, ribbon, or yarn. Leftover wrapping paper (after a sheet has been cut to size) is rolled and stored for the following Christmas. And when the time arrives, I search through my holiday inventory to find the appropriate piece of material to successfully complete the task.

The holiday season is now over. I will probably immerse myself in my continuing health journey to clear my head space. That is of course until it is time to tend to my garden!

Living Your Best Life – Planting Seeds of Fulfillment – My Garden of Happiness

July 10, 2024 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Cone Flowers

Over the course of a gentleman’s existence, he will undoubtedly be confronted with varying array of challenges and adversity. The resulting stress can spiral into an unhealthy dependence on unproductive vices (pornography, alcohol, gambling, etc.) that can hinder us emotionally, mentally, and physically. We hastily retreat under a comforting blanket of false gratification and deceptive happiness. Figuratively beasts of burden, we strain under the discomforting weight of life, plodding along in a sad attempt to make it from Point A to Point B. Generally speaking, Point A would represent when we wake up and Point B would be when we go to sleep. Admittedly, I am a registered and certified night owl. However, the combination of night owl tendencies and mental stress equals terrible sleeping habits. I can function with 4-5 hours of sleep, but long term that is unsustainable and unhealthy. Therefore, my objective over the last three years has been to identify activities that grant meaningful satisfaction and contentment.

One of the activities that I have immersed myself in over the past few years is gardening. I never fancied myself as a gentleman blessed with a green thumb. Nevertheless, I embraced the hobby as a way to cope with the daily grind of life and what life has dealt my way. I enjoy the quiet and solitude of my own little escape. It occupies my mind and lifts the brain fog; forcing me to focus on the sometimes-grueling task at hand. However, the physical activity grants me vigor and mental sharpness. And it is immensely rewarding to watch plant life survive and thrive under my care. I selected various flowers and plants to entice pollinators to our garden, so the feeling of pride that swells inside me as I watch butterflies, bees, and hummingbirds fly back and forth is incredible. I have coneflowers (echinacea), swamp milkweed, salvia, roses, and lavender to name a few. My daughter has even given names to specific sections of the garden such as Bee Town – that’s where the bees tend to congregate around the salvia. That makes me smile inside. And I like smiling inside.

Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge – Identify an activity that brings genuine happiness and a sense of accomplishment within yourself.

Matters of the Heart – The Faithful Day That Compelled Me to Adopt a Healthier Lifestyle and Lose Weight

June 29, 2024 By in Life Tags: , , , 1 Comment

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Honestly, I do not know where to start this particular post as I look at the split photograph above. The contrast is visible jarring. It has definitely been quite the journey. I will be soon approaching the anniversary of a serious health scare that landed me in the hospital approximately a year ago. One summer evening, I was tirelessly working in the backyard when I encountered some stubborn weeds – burdock weeds to be exact. They were ridiculously humongous, and unbeknownst to me, their roots were insanely deep. With a bit of elbow grease, I surmised I could rip these unsightly, unwelcome visitors from the soil. However, they were embedded in the ground mightily, and with each Herculean yank, a piece of my soul seemingly left my body. I cannot recall how many weeds I was able to free from the ground, but I decided to call it an evening as it progressively became darker outside. We have been known to have rogue coyotes prance through backyards at night, and I seriously did not want a close encounter of the unwanted kind.

Physically exhausted, I sluggishly retreated to my couch to play some World War Z Aftermath on the PS5 to relax. However, I felt an uncomfortable heaviness in my chest. Now, it was not painful, it was just an irritating pressure that would not subside. I thought perhaps it was gas and I needed a vigorous belch. I tried to get comfortable, but I just could not find a cozy position. Frustrated, I then retreated to the bedroom to sleep it off – maybe I strained a pectoral muscle with all the previous tugging. Still, I could not find a comfortable position. I tossed. I turned, but nothing helped. Now my mind was racing to worse case scenarios. I have a history of cardiovascular disease in my family with more than a few deaths due to heart attack or stroke. Taking my age, family history, and physical shape into account; I decided now was not the time to be too proud and ignore any warning signs.

Admittedly, my next series of actions were questionable. I prepared my kid’s lunches for the following morning (it was between 1 a.m. & 2 a.m. I think), woke my wife up to explain the situation, and then drove myself to the emergency room. Okay – you can let me have it in the comment section. However, I truly did not feel as if I was in any medical distress. Once I was settled in the emergency room; all of the preliminary tests (EKG & bloodwork to detect markers for a heart attack) were fine. The nurse thought I’d be going home in the next few hours. Great, I would be back home to get breakfast started and see the kids off to school. Nope. Big nope. The on-call physician wanted more tests. After being tortured by the ER nurse who could not find a vein, I settled into my ER bed quite angry. Sidenote: If a nurse needs a vein finder thingy doohickie to locate your veins – ask for another nurse. I have never experienced that much pain in my life as a needle was jammed into my arm in a desperate attempt to start an IV. I’m a nice chocolate gentleman, but I can still see a faint bruise at the insertion site to this day. Thanks Stephen.

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Due to family history and my symptoms, the on-call physician wanted to examine me further before releasing me home. And so, I was wheeled away for a CTA (computed tomography angiography) to determine any funny business going on within my arteries. The results: 50-70% blockage in one of my coronary arteries. WTF?! I swear I cried for an hour straight. I stent was in my future. My mind was racing. I needed to see my children. I needed to be home. WTF?! Making calls to my wife and family were devastating. I had NEVER been hospitalized EVER. So now was the waiting game. I had to be admitted and I had to be scheduled for a cardiac catheterization to determine the best approach for stenting. The next day or so was tense. I was very much afraid. I was also deeply disappointed in myself for putting my loved ones through so much worry.

The procedure itself was a breeze. I was placed under mild sedation and given a local anesthetic; it lasted perhaps 20 minutes. I was a little loopy, but I could hear my cardiologist speaking with the nurses in the room. A miracle. I could hear him tell the room that the blockage was not bad, and a stent was not required. The blockage was more around 30% instead of the initial findings. I was overjoyed. And then my cardiologist had a frank conversation with me. I needed a lifestyle change, or next time, there would be no next time. My cholesterol was sky high, and so was my blood sugar. I never weighed myself at home. So, when the nurse wrote 139 kg on the white board inside my patient room, I was curious regarding what that equated to in pounds. Well, it converts to 307 pounds. WTF?!

The patient in the adjacent bed clocked in at around 500 pounds. He had severe sleep apnea, so he would wake up screaming when he stopped breathing. He vomited in the bed. Somehow, he yanked his IV line out and bled all over the sheets. Due to his size and inability to be mobile, he had to urinate in a basin. I could not sleep. I asked the charge nurse to pretty please change my room. However, the remaining rooms had all female occupants. And the last room had a single that was prone to violence. So, the choices were waking up to a crazed patient trying to kill me or stay with the pleasant sounds of screaming, snoring, vomiting, and peeing. I slept as best I could with headphones. Talk about a medical version of Scared Straight. I resigned myself to change.

Now, I will probably write another post regarding how I landed at my current weight – 214 pounds. Yes, I have lost over 90 pounds in a little less than a year. It has not been easy – not at all. The first glance at the gym mirror was so depressing. How did I allow myself to get this way? Losing weight felt like an impossible task. Nevertheless, we all have to start somewhere. I went on Amazon and bought a bevy of shirts to psyche myself up for each gym session. Thus far, I have reduced my blood sugar (back to recommended levels) without the aid of medication, reduce my cholesterol (still need meds because of these damn genetics), increase my overall energy, and look good in my suits again! It has been a struggle of a journey. But I’m still here y’all. And hopefully I can stick around a little while longer.

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What I Am Rocking Nowadays – Brooks Brothers Henry the Sheep Graphic Sweatshirt

February 24, 2024 By in Life, Style & Substance, What I'm Wearing Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

wp-17038147131765754874386596539114Nowadays, this is what life as a father looks like for me. I am a gentleman of a certain age and grace that now resides in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. My beard is markedly adorned with dignified speckles of white and grey now. My woeful hairline retreated from battle decades ago. My children are growing older now, and Father Time did not sit idly by on my behalf. School events are becoming plentiful, and it is important a father attempt to attend as many as humanly possible. Therefore, school events beg for a presentation from a gentleman that looks the part of a parent. I have always reasoned with myself that I would not be the guy in his 40s foolishly attempting to look like a guy in his 20s. Hello Cliff Huxtable sweaters. Now, I was able to purchase this graphic fleece sweatshirt from Brooks Brothers on a substantial seasonal sale. The goal was to juxtapose a lighthearted, fashionable centerpiece with my otherwise serious demeanor.

An unserious, quirky sweatshirt; I have been able to rediscover and renew my creative personality traits after shedding over 70 pounds. I had a serious health scare back in July 2023, and I have been on the challenging road to improve my health. I will probably write about the experience in later posts. For now, I am enjoying clothing again and expressing my personality through my personal style. Layered over a button up shirt, this sweatshirt was definitely a conversation starter. I signed up to volunteer at my daughter’s school’s open house, and my Henry the Sheep top elicited a lot of compliments and questions. I paired the top with some Mugsy jeans, a Paul Stuart corduroy cap, and Sperry boots – all items middle-aged father approved. I have a few more sweaters I am waiting to rock in the future, and it appears the weather is going to present ample opportunities to sport them. Now, these types of sweaters are definitely not for everyone. You cannot take yourself too seriously, and you need to come to terms with an advancing age that pleads for suitable attire. I’m good on both accounts.

Living Your Best Life – Giving It the Best That You Got – Finding Joy

December 28, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

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An important component to parenting is the level of effort one expends to be engaged with one’s offspring. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked why I took the time to wrap Christmas gifts in such a fancy manner. Ultimately, the gift wrap would be hastily torn to shreds anyway. He did not really understand the reason for it all. And that is a fair question to pose. Well, there are two primary reasons why I decide to take the time to gift wrap items with a little extra flair. Now, it may be a cliche sentiment, but it really is the thought that matters. Somewhere in my children’s subconscious thoughts, I hope they are developing a deep appreciation and thankfulness for their father’s engagement. Years and years from now, it is my hope that I have created special memories they can recall when they are older. I want them to remember that during their formative childhood years; their father was an involved father. I feel overwhelming pride knowing that I am trying my best.

wp-17037497823152356965055761133696So, sure the little ones (I suppose they are not so little now) tear through their gifts like Tasmanian devils, but it well worth the effort to have a beautiful Christmas tree presentation with a colorful medley of decorative gifts underneath. My son even tagged along with me as we visited Michaels and Target to procure the necessary items to create a Palmer Winter Wonderland in the house. Hopefully, he is learning some lessons along the way. We did not purchase anything too ornate or spectacular, but the purchases enhanced the holiday spirit around the house.

wp-17037497826143480946093318733622The secondary reason for going the extra mile with gift wrapping affects me directly. Given that I do not have any harmful vices that would produce pleasure, but are nonetheless destructive, I am left to seek out positive outlets to trigger beneficial dopamine releases. Dopamine is an organic chemical that affects areas of the brain associated with temporary feelings of satisfaction, motivation, pleasure, and happiness. Therefore, it is common to find me in the yard during the summer tending to the family garden and mowing the lawn. The reward for the fruits of my labor is a great sense of accomplishment and pride. I never thought I would be that guy, but spending time out with nature and nurturing plant life is truly rewarding. Nowadays, I am always on the lookout for a project that elicits some inkling of happiness. 

wp-17037962854744167442503024111754Honestly, I would be dishonest if I said every aspect of my life was perfect and happy. No, unfortunately, that is simply not the case. Life can be indiscriminately unforgiving. Some days are really challenging. So, I wholeheartedly try to utilize every tool in my well-being toolbox to achieve as much balance as possible. The present above is one that really brought a smile to my face. The wrapping paper was heavier than the normal, standard variety one would purchase. The grayish blue surface was speckled with a glitter-like, grainy touch. It almost has a shimmer to it. It was simple, yet elegant. I used some excess paper to make a little bow which I affixed to the box with rustic piece of Christmas twine and bell. It’s amazing the sense of peace I feel as I fold, cut, tie, and tape my way to a finished project. I was really pleased with the results, and every time I saw it underneath the tree, I smiled inside with warm pride.

  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #1 – Identify an activity that engages and brings happiness to the life of another person(s). 
  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #2 – Identify an activity that brings personal contentment and a sense of accomplishment with yourself.

 

 

Living Your Best Life – I’m About to Lose My Mind (Up in Here, Up in Here) – 5 Ways to Master a Peaceful You

December 2, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , 2 Comments

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A wise gentleman understands that it is his obligation to prioritize, promote, and protect his inner peace & well-being. Mastering both peace & well-being, a gentleman must define and be a staunch advocate for establishing boundaries and eliminating stressful environments. It is not his responsibility to compromise his comfort or suffer the misery of others. Becoming a passive participant in matters that agitate your spirit is never healthy. A gentleman should give himself to activities that facilitate mindfulness and personal growth. Here are five ways I am learning to guard and nurture my peace.

  • On occasion, to connect with oneself, you need to disconnect from the turbulence in the world. Yes, I attempt to stay abreast of current events. Nevertheless, the news can be a nasty business that traffics in emotional manipulation with inflammatory rhetoric and targeted influence. Therefore, I am mindful of what I watch on television in terms of receiving information. If I watch television, I love a good comedy series. You can never go wrong with Sanford & Son!
  • I remember when social media platforms were environments where friends & family could share achievements, establish social connections, reconnect with old acquaintances, and provide whimsical updates regarding life. Now, it is just fertile ground for hyperbolic, sensationalized clickbait dealing in disagreeable culture war debates. If it does not apply, I just scroll on by. And disabling accounts altogether may be a good option as well.
  • I can be described as antisocial. However, family & close friends understand that I am just not talkative. And I have learned that if the vibe with a person or in a group gathering is off; it is best that I just separate myself from the situation. I really don’t have the talent for being fake to go along just to get along. I tend to avoid meanspirited people with conceited, cantankerous temperaments. That type of attitude does not align with my core values, and interaction can be extremely exhausting. Identify those individuals that are a drain on your spirit and either avoid or sever ties.
  • I have learned that sometimes the best response is no response. Regardless of your diligence to avoid it; misery will always find a path to intersect with your life. Sometimes you have to walk away because granting your energy toward something that produces negative returns is not fruitful.
  • I seek and embrace settings that encourage peace and reduce stress. Of course, this will be different for everyone. Personally, I am fond of darkness (if the setting permits) with the sound of the ocean, rain, or a thunderstorm playing on my Google Nest Mini. I immerse myself in deep thoughts of gratitude. I positively reflect on my past, the present, and what I would like to see for the future. And sometimes I just close my eyes and become lost in the sounds of nature (via the Google Nest Mini). I find word search puzzles amazingly relaxing. And in the summer, I sit on my porch and enjoy my garden; watching butterflies and bees come and go.

Please share how you find peace in your life. If you appreciate and enjoy the content, please drop a like on the post and share with family, friends, or someone in need of a good word. Appreciate you all.

Living Your Best Life – Self-acceptance

November 25, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

wp-17004456890914547504081630519463Years ago, an individual thought it was proper to mock my lifestyle because I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke, and I don’t really attend large social gatherings often. I am somewhat of an introvert, and I would rather enjoy my own company along with a select few friends and family. My assumption is my lifestyle would be classified as “square”. I was being harshly judged and roundly ridiculed. Now, the subject matter does not garner a lot of mainstream conversation, but men can often be subject to societal scrutiny.

It is a scrutiny that evaluates and determines our masculinity based upon the ability to perform XY & Z. And if a man does not check enough of the proverbial boxes, well, then he is somehow less of a man. Opinionated circles and social media platforms will constantly bombard men with questionable beta versus alpha arguments (really just sensationalized clickbait), but truthfully, we all just trying to make it through our lives how we know best. Now, true enough, self-improvement should be a part of anyone’s life. And one should always strive to become a better version of themself.

Nevertheless, one must be careful of attempting to become an inauthentic version of oneself. Never compromise your character and integrity to appease and satisfy the requirements of someone else’s standards. Afterall, those said standards may not align with your own moral code or beliefs. One should never rise to reach lowered expectations. Embrace all of your personal attributes that make you…you. And love yourself unconditionally. I cannot express that enough because men need to talk about it more. Love yourself man! Look, I cannot change a tire. I cannot hang drywall. I cannot change the brakes on a car. However, I can: mow & maintain a beautiful lawn, cook some utterly delicious shrimp & grits, communicate on a level that inspires and commands respect, and decorate a space with beautifully coordinated home accessories. And I’m a pretty good father – at least I believe it so.

Check the Christmas chipmunk you see above. I was shopping at Michaels when I spotted some odds and ends. I’m pretty creative, so my mind started assembling these separates to create a cute little Christmas display for the breakfast nook. That is what I like to do, that is who I am, and it brings happiness to my spirit. Embrace your God-given talents and live by your own moral code; allow no one else to dictate otherwise. Love you!

Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. If you appreciate and enjoy the content, please drop a like on the post and share with family, friends, or someone in need of a good word.

Monday Morning Musings – Thoughts Weighing on my Heart & Mind 11.13.23

November 13, 2023 By in Black Thought, Life Tags: , Leave a comment
  • Halloween 2023Sometimes, ignorance truly is wonderful bliss. True indeed, life can be can suffocatingly stressful. Nowadays, I draw happiness and joy from the innocence of my children – like seeing them catch snowflakes with their tongues on Halloween.
  • True enough, happiness won’t always find you, but one can always identify something that fills you with gratitude.
  • I purchased a Vasagle coat rack from Amazon last week. A steel frame with four wooden shelves, it adds a touch of charm to my home office. A well-organized, tidy space allows me to think clearly and better.
  • While cleaning the office and identifying items for recycling, I came across some magazines that were ten to twenty years old. It is painfully obvious and amazing that the average gentleman is no longer the target demographic. During a time when classic men’s style was championed by popular men’s magazines; that is unfortunately no longer the case. The magazines are either defunct or cater to unreasonable, fashion extremes better suited for the quirks of Hollywood than regular ordinary life.
  • I graduated from Cass Technical High School in 1994 where preppy style was immensely popular amongst the student body. Maybe that is why I like that damn Polo Bear so much.
  •  Bed Bath and Beyond offered a wonderfully scented candle from the Heirloom Home collection. It was called warm flannel. The smell of that candle helped me through some rough days a few years back. The company declared bankruptcy and closed its brick-and-mortar locations. Acquired by Overstock.com, the Bed Bath and Beyond name currently existed online under the operations of a rebranded Overstock. Sadly, the Heirloom Home Warm Flannel candle is not available for purchase. I miss that candle.
  • Emotional pain is similar to a back injury. There is a certain degree of healing. However, what was before will never quite be the same. Some days will be better than others, but the pain will always exist in varying intensities. It will all depend upon how you handle it.
  • At my moderately advanced age, I cannot allow certain things stress or upset me. And so, watching the Detroit Pistons has been placed on deserved hiatus until the organization gets their act together.
  • Through a work benefit, I have a monthly standing appointment with a life coach to discuss my mental health and well-being. We do not talk about the Detroit Pistons.

The Professional – It’s a Sabotage – 5 Simple Ways You’re Undermining Your Career

November 3, 2022 By in Career, Life, Professional Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
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Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

I have been exceedingly blessed with just over twenty-one years of work experience; nineteen years employed by the same company. I am truly thankful and gracious to experience such longevity. I have held a number of roles at various levels within the organization, and I have observed the varying degrees of success and failure of other colleagues. At this point, I am never surprised to see a colleague blame their lack of success on other individuals or the company itself. Now, I am not carelessly blind to the existence of professional barriers based on racial, gender, age, and sexual orientation discrimination. That is a topic for another conversation.

And while the aforementioned offenses could surely send a career down in flames; let us recognize other brazen violations that will not only severely hinder one’s career; it could get you terminated, sued, or perhaps even worse – sent to jail. Offenses such as sexual harassment, physical assault, theft, or NSFW material in the office will surely tank anyone aspiring an ascent up the corporate ladder. Today, however, I want to highlight 5 behaviors that aren’t so blatant. Well, maybe they are blatant. Still, you would be surprised that some individuals don’t connect these toxic traits to a sputtering or unfulfilling career.

5 Office Habits That Are Sabotaging Your Career

  • Gossiping – The professional environment should remain as such – professional. Yet many individuals behave as if they are still in grade school. To be sure, word does indeed travel fast – as does the identity of the individual spreading said word. Disseminating misinformation and/or disinformation is a good indicator that the person is not particularly trustworthy. Advancing your career could prove to be difficult if you develop a reputation for spreading inaccurate information, blatantly false information, or information that should otherwise be kept confidential. Leadership will be hard pressed to have an individual amongst the ranks that consistently leaks and spreads information to the detriment of the company.
  • Complaining – Straight up and to the point: No one wants to work with a malcontent. True indeed, misery loves company. However, misery needs to understand that the rest of us can do without your negativity and toxic attitude. Understand that your incessant complaining is draining and exhausting. Offering opposition absent any meaningful propositions is never constructive and adds zero value to the work environment. The malcontent only exceeds at dampening spirits, derailing productivity, and worse yet – spreading their toxicity to other employees. If presented with the opportunity, a company would be most inclined to remove this workplace cancer from the team.
  • Average at Best – A professional should never be too comfortable with being comfortable. True, one can feel fully satisfied with their current work situation with absolutely no desire for further advancement. And that is fair. However, performing the bare minimum just to skate by could very well jeopardize performance reviews and tag you as exceedingly expendable. I am not advocating that one work themselves into an early grave for an ungrateful employer. However, willful acceptance of mediocrity is not doing your development any favors – professionally or even personally.
  • The Office Villain – Closely related to the complainer; but instead of consistently sharing their disdain solely towards the company, venom is also unleased upon fellow colleagues. Communication consists of belittling and disparaging others. Work ethic is strictly self-serving without any regard for making the team better. The office villain is obnoxious, rude, inconsiderate, and quick to throw anyone under the bus to get ahead or avoid responsibility. This person never crossed a bridge they didn’t like to torch. In the workplace, your reputation is your brand. So, don’t expect anyone to invest in you if the product is unprincipled, cantankerous, and trash.
  • Bad Work Performance – This example is self-explanatory. Woefully devoid of self-awareness, you are unabashedly terrible in your role. Trust, at any moment, your belongings could be in a cardboard box. Yet, you think your dreadful work performance and poor work ethic should be handsomely rewarded during performance review time. The profound lack of ownership regarding your shortcomings and errors is breathtaking. You display little curiosity in learning and growing within your professional craft. If you are adding little to no value (maybe even adding negative value) to a company; understand that your career stagnation is wholly your own doing.

Note: There are exceptions to every rule, and some individuals you may see succeeding embody the traits above. Nevertheless, that is not an excuse for you to exhibit the same behaviors. Ultimately, the goal is to be the best version of yourself and live your best life.

Daddy Diary – It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday – My Little Girl Is Growing Up and I’m Hopelessly In My Feelings

October 29, 2022 By in Daddy Diary, Life Tags: , , , 2 Comments

I must humbly submit that I am fraught with trepidation writing this post. Unfortunately, I don’t write much nowadays because the daily grind of life has allowed time to escape more readily than I desire. However, events of the past few months have exposed me to a predictable inevitability; kindling deep reflection that I want dutifully documented. Therefore, if you would please, bear with me because I am perhaps rusty with this blogging thing. Allow me to proceed straight away to the point – my beautiful baby girl is blossoming into a little young lady. And through this maturation, I have been overwhelmed with varying emotions. Nostalgia, sadness, joy, and pride all spiral within me, lessening and magnifying in strength depending upon the day’s mood.

Admittedly, during those seemingly perpetual days of torturous sleep deprivation, as I clung desperately to any modicum of available sleep, a friend noted that I would one day miss those days. And defiantly, I stubbornly disagreed with the absurdity. Well, the time as begrudgingly arrived. Trust me, I certainly do not long for the days of erratic and scant sleep. Nevertheless, I do yearn for those early years when that intimate connection between father and daughter was being cultivated. Now, as she grows older and establishes more independence, her dependence on me is seemingly fading. Yes – I am being overly dramatic. At only 8 years of age, she is still greatly dependent on me for a host of things. And she will be for the foreseeable future. However, as a parent of a growing child, emotion and logic sometimes don’t cooperatively coincide. So, what has me thinking and caught up in my feelings nowadays? I felt compelled to connect again with my audience and share a few thoughts below.

  • Long gone are the days of putting my daughter to sleep with Kenny G softly playing in background. And gone are the days of making a small pallet on the floor next to her crib as I sleep trained and took her to potty at night. Those nights have been replaced with her escaping to our bed after a nightmare whilst elbowing and kicking me and my wife because she is a trained mixed martial arts sleeper.
  • Harry the Bunny. Shushybye Baby. The Dance Time Boys. Musti. This was the era of Baby First – an educational television channel geared towards the development of babies and toddlers. Disney Junior introduced Doc McStuffins, Octonauts, and Mickey’s Playhouse and PJ Masks. Now Bluey and Firebuds are in constant rotation. I swear I watched these programs more than I watched regular adult programming. Theme music danced in my head throughout my workday. It was a great escape from the tiring grind of adult life. Ava would cuddle underneath my arm and place her tiny hand on my forearm. As she has grown older, we don’t share those moments that often anymore. However, she surprised me the other day. She plopped down on the couch beside me and said, “Can I come chill with you dad?” Chill? She’s in elementary school now, so she is picking up new lingo. She snuggled up next to my shoulder. I smiled inside.
  • First, I would carry her into daycare. That soon progressed to me guiding her little staggering steps into school – sometimes still carrying her due to inclement weather conditions or simply trying to save time as I was pressed to get to work. Now, we are all the way to the point of her walking to the school bus stop. Initially, I walked her to the school bus stop, but I was hastily demoted in favor of her walking with her friends. As the weather has shifted to brisk mornings, she now prefers the warmth of my SUV until the bus arrives. Thankfully, the bus stop is literally one block over from our house. I guess I’ll wait until spring to get demoted again in favor of the girls next door.
  • And speaking of demotions, I fondly recall a teacher complimenting the preparation and content of Ava’s lunches. I took great pride making her lunch the night before school day. However, I was once again wantonly stripped of my responsibilities as I was now rudely replaced by elementary school…cafeteria food? I felt like Craig being fired on his day off. The absolute, unmitigated, audacious nerve of it all! What in the tater tot casserole and non-descript pizza on an aluminum baking sheet is going on here? Nevertheless, some of my services have been retained, as I have been commissioned to pack complementary snacks for the princess. Boy have I sunk low.
  • I have not even touched the topic of boys. Now, she has not openly admitted to an attraction to the opposite sex, but I was treated to an extended period of incessant chatter about her “best friend” – whom happened to be a boy – at school. Every. Single. Day. And the day he was a little mean to her – she was crushed. Teaching moment. In the distant future, I now understand I need to recruit a close confidant to have a conversation with any young men that may enter her life – we’re talking a Will Smith/Martin Lawrence Bad Boys’ style conversation. Just joking, just joking – no, not really.

Now, I completely understand all of this sounds over-the-top. However, whether I am summoning Small Potatoes (a cartoon short that used to air on Disney Junior) on my smart phone to distract and comfort her in the ER, pulling a splinter from a tiny foot, purchasing her favorite character’s Halloween costume, or cooking one of her favorite dinners (chicken& waffles); I care very deeply about being a fully present father. And dwelling within my scattered thoughts is the unreasonable fear that one day I will no longer be needed. I’m woefully obsolete. It is that intense tug-of-war between emotion and logic. Emotion dictates a converse relationship between a child growing older and my own parental worth. As her age increases, my worth and value decline. Logic then intervenes and affirms that as a parent, as a father; I will always have purpose and presence in my children’s lives. I need to cope and understand that change is indeed inevitable. Nonetheless, those changes don’t detract from my role and responsibility. I need to remind myself every now and again. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go fix my little girl some hot tea with lemon & honey to assuage a nagging cough.

Living Your Best Life – Unexpected Joy

March 19, 2022 By in Life Tags: , , , , 3 Comments

GiftsIt would be an immense understatement if I said last year was painfully challenging. Consumed with anxiety and stress; personal victories were attained by simply making it through a day with a shred of sanity intact. True to form, life is predictably unpredictable, and sometimes leaning heavily into faith is the only recourse – even when said faith is terribly shaken. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the quality of life that has been afforded to me through grace and mercy. I am exceedingly thankful that my family has been able to endure the pandemic absent severe sickness or death.

Now, it would be disingenuous to suggest that faith alone solved all my tribulations. And for all intents and purposes, I am a practical man that favors tangible and actionable solutions. Over the course of the year, I was able to find sanctuary within a myriad of activities that were enjoyable. And as the year winded down, the holiday season presented an unexpected opportunity for a constructive distraction to assuage the discomfort in my spirit and mind.

That distraction arrived in the form of wrapping Christmas gifts. Due to my slight habit of being obsessive compulsive, I discovered myself diving into YouTube tutorials featuring the art of gift wrapping. Instagram and Pinterest became familiar destinations to extract visual inspiration. Big box locations such as Michaels and Target stocked the necessary supplies to transform imagination into reality. If but for brief moments of solitude, I was able to glean a piece of happiness through the coordination of design, color, and material. It was especially satisfying to present a beautiful array of gifts under the tree to my children. One of the greatest joys of fatherhood is being able to provide happiness to your children. So, whenever or wherever you might discover some unexpected joy in life; ensure that you grant the requisite time to absorb and appreciate every second of it.

The Standard #58

August 24, 2021 By in Life, Standard Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Clouds

To be absolutely clear, a hardworking gentleman understands the meaning and value of his tireless labor. And to be absolutely sure, the reality of fatherhood only heightens said understanding. Trust, this gentleman maintains a deep, fundamental comprehension of provision and the significance of being a contributor. And so, when seasons of life are absent peace or joy – perhaps both; it is not uncommon for him to lean heavily into his work; a passionate attempt to seek refuge and fulfillment by claiming, reasserting his own value to himself. Work is transformed into an instrument that exerts authority over one’s mental and emotional well-being. It is a blunt tool utilized to manage anxiety, stress, insecurity, and pain. He accepts the incredible burden of arduous work to unburden himself of heavier burdens – both emotional and mental. However, whatever accomplishments that are attained, the satisfaction is never truly satisfying. Frantic attempts for relief only lead deeper into work. The wise gentleman must conclude that work does not inherently grant him value. Rather, it is he that affords value to his work, to his friends, to his family, and to himself. So, if no one tells you today (and demonstrate through their actions); I am here to convey on behalf of countless gentlemen such as yourself; you are recognized, appreciated, respected, and loved.

Living Your Best Life – Fulfillment

June 4, 2021 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

As an engaged father, being an active participant in your child’s life is one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever have as a parent. As you nurture their burgeoning self-esteem and champion varying accomplishments; their achievements will reinforce one of the most important components in a gentleman’s life – purpose. To be sure, acceptance of idle fatherhood is to deny one’s principal role as a father. Passionately embrace your purpose, and the joyful fulfillment you feel will further drive the best in you.

Living Your Best Life – Forgiveness

April 28, 2021 By in Black Thought, Life Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Forgiveness is not necessarily intended for the individual that inflicted pain upon you. Rather, forgiveness is freeing oneself from the bondage of grief, hate, and vengeance. Forgiveness is an arduous exercise of affording deserved peace and order to one’s spirit. Forgiveness is moving forward untethered to suffering and pain.