Over the course of a gentleman’s existence, he will undoubtedly be confronted with varying array of challenges and adversity. The resulting stress can spiral into an unhealthy dependence on unproductive vices (pornography, alcohol, gambling, etc.) that can hinder us emotionally, mentally, and physically. We hastily retreat under a comforting blanket of false gratification and deceptive happiness. Figuratively beasts of burden, we strain under the discomforting weight of life, plodding along in a sad attempt to make it from Point A to Point B. Generally speaking, Point A would represent when we wake up and Point B would be when we go to sleep. Admittedly, I am a registered and certified night owl. However, the combination of night owl tendencies and mental stress equals terrible sleeping habits. I can function with 4-5 hours of sleep, but long term that is unsustainable and unhealthy. Therefore, my objective over the last three years has been to identify activities that grant meaningful satisfaction and contentment.
One of the activities that I have immersed myself in over the past few years is gardening. I never fancied myself as a gentleman blessed with a green thumb. Nevertheless, I embraced the hobby as a way to cope with the daily grind of life and what life has dealt my way. I enjoy the quiet and solitude of my own little escape. It occupies my mind and lifts the brain fog; forcing me to focus on the sometimes-grueling task at hand. However, the physical activity grants me vigor and mental sharpness. And it is immensely rewarding to watch plant life survive and thrive under my care. I selected various flowers and plants to entice pollinators to our garden, so the feeling of pride that swells inside me as I watch butterflies, bees, and hummingbirds fly back and forth is incredible. I have coneflowers (echinacea), swamp milkweed, salvia, roses, and lavender to name a few. My daughter has even given names to specific sections of the garden such as Bee Town – that’s where the bees tend to congregate around the salvia. That makes me smile inside. And I like smiling inside.
Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge – Identify an activity that brings genuine happiness and a sense of accomplishment within yourself.
Nowadays, this is what life as a father looks like for me. I am a gentleman of a certain age and grace that now resides in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. My beard is markedly adorned with dignified speckles of white and grey now. My woeful hairline retreated from battle decades ago. My children are growing older now, and Father Time did not sit idly by on my behalf. School events are becoming plentiful, and it is important a father attempt to attend as many as humanly possible. Therefore, school events beg for a presentation from a gentleman that looks the part of a parent. I have always reasoned with myself that I would not be the guy in his 40s foolishly attempting to look like a guy in his 20s. Hello Cliff Huxtable sweaters. Now, I was able to purchase this graphic fleece sweatshirt from Brooks Brothers on a substantial seasonal sale. The goal was to juxtapose a lighthearted, fashionable centerpiece with my otherwise serious demeanor.
So, sure the little ones (I suppose they are not so little now) tear through their gifts like Tasmanian devils, but it well worth the effort to have a beautiful Christmas tree presentation with a colorful medley of decorative gifts underneath. My son even tagged along with me as we visited Michaels and Target to procure the necessary items to create a Palmer Winter Wonderland in the house. Hopefully, he is learning some lessons along the way. We did not purchase anything too ornate or spectacular, but the purchases enhanced the holiday spirit around the house.
The secondary reason for going the extra mile with gift wrapping affects me directly. Given that I do not have any harmful vices that would produce pleasure, but are nonetheless destructive, I am left to seek out positive outlets to trigger beneficial dopamine releases. Dopamine is an organic chemical that affects areas of the brain associated with temporary feelings of satisfaction, motivation, pleasure, and happiness. Therefore, it is common to find me in the yard during the summer tending to the family garden and mowing the lawn. The reward for the fruits of my labor is a great sense of accomplishment and pride. I never thought I would be that guy, but spending time out with nature and nurturing plant life is truly rewarding. Nowadays, I am always on the lookout for a project that elicits some inkling of happiness. 
Honestly, I would be dishonest if I said every aspect of my life was perfect and happy. No, unfortunately, that is simply not the case. Life can be indiscriminately unforgiving. Some days are really challenging. So, I wholeheartedly try to utilize every tool in my well-being toolbox to achieve as much balance as possible. The present above is one that really brought a smile to my face. The wrapping paper was heavier than the normal, standard variety one would purchase. The grayish blue surface was speckled with a glitter-like, grainy touch. It almost has a shimmer to it. It was simple, yet elegant. I used some excess paper to make a little bow which I affixed to the box with rustic piece of Christmas twine and bell. It’s amazing the sense of peace I feel as I fold, cut, tie, and tape my way to a finished project. I was really pleased with the results, and every time I saw it underneath the tree, I smiled inside with warm pride.
Years ago, an individual thought it was proper to mock my lifestyle because I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke, and I don’t really attend large social gatherings often. I am somewhat of an introvert, and I would rather enjoy my own company along with a select few friends and family. My assumption is my lifestyle would be classified as “square”. I was being harshly judged and roundly ridiculed. Now, the subject matter does not garner a lot of mainstream conversation, but men can often be subject to societal scrutiny.
Sometimes, ignorance truly is wonderful bliss. True indeed, life can be can suffocatingly stressful. Nowadays, I draw happiness and joy from the innocence of my children – like seeing them catch snowflakes with their tongues on Halloween.
It would be an immense understatement if I said last year was painfully challenging. Consumed with anxiety and stress; personal victories were attained by simply making it through a day with a shred of sanity intact. True to form, life is predictably unpredictable, and sometimes leaning heavily into faith is the only recourse – even when said faith is terribly shaken. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the quality of life that has been afforded to me through grace and mercy. I am exceedingly thankful that my family has been able to endure the pandemic absent severe sickness or death.