“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
Audre Lorde
I can proclaim with absolute certainty, life will surely introduce varying degrees of difficult challenges and obstacles. Unsurprisingly, it is not uncommon for someone to feel discouraged from time to time. As a result, confidence and self-esteem may wane. Self-doubt can steadily begin to mold and shape reality. The consequences can be devastating. Therefore, sometimes, you need to remind yourself of your God-given talents and strength. You must remember what makes you unique. To be fully transparent, I am guilty of providing fear the space to crowd out self-belief, aspiration, and resolve. Nevertheless, I wholly understand that if I strive to live in my purpose, I must cast away self-sabotaging thoughts. Trust, never second-guess that you are one of one. You are imperfectly unique in your power and purpose. Do not allow fear to hinder your success. To be sure, it is difficult. Negative intrusive thoughts can be overwhelming. Nevertheless, every now and again, you have to remind yourself just who you are!
At the beginning of the global COVID-19 pandemic, a significant number of my workforce were granted the privilege of remote work. So, in an effort to transform a room in my basement into a constructive work environment, I deployed various furnishings to create an inviting aesthetic. I thoughtfully procured wooden, rustic picture frames to complement the wood paneling of the room. I have a few ladder style bookshelves to house said wooden picture frames along with various books, artificial plants, and scented candles. During the last few years, I have come to love the smell of a fragrant candle. If experiencing an episode of tiresome stress, a great scented candle momentarily tethers me to a state of peace.
So much so, when Bed Bath & Beyond closed physical stores in 2023, and its Warm Flannel candle was discontinued, I was heartbroken. That sounds a little over the top – right? Nevertheless, that light and slightly sweet aroma had an incredibly calming effect that carried me through a few rough years. Sometimes when I was feeling slightly despondent, I would take a few moments, close my eyes, and just focus on the beauty of the scent. If but for a sliver in time, the aroma assuaged any ailments – either mentally or emotionally. Currently, Bed Bath & Beyond only has an online presence, but if the powers that be are reading this, bring back my Warm Flannel scented candle!
Now, given my affinity to scented candles, it would bother me when a candle would burn unevenly. I tried everything recommended to ensure the candle wax would burn evenly. I would trim the wick before the candle was lit and I would allow it to burn for 1-3 hours. However, tunneling and unsightly, lopsided candle wax would accumulate around the sides leading to wasted wax. Desperate, I scoured the Internet in search of a resolution. My probe led me to the curious practice of wrapping the candle with aluminum foil. The reasoning: The aluminum foil insulates the candle and reflects heat back toward the body of wax. The edges don’t cool as fast, and so in theory, there is a relatively equal burn across the candle’s surface.
Eager to see if this hack was real, I retrieved a torn sheet of Reynolds Wrap and intently fashioned an aluminum protective guard around the candle. And I’d be damned if the foil trick did not work? Of course, I took photographic evidence else no one would believe me. It looks rightly weird, an otherwise handsome candle jar adorned in Reynolds Wrap. With confusion, my wife questioned why my candle was wrapped in aluminum foil. Nevertheless, it extends the life of the candle with no wasted wax. It doesn’t take long to implement, and better still, you can reuse the foil for another candle! I hope this information is beneficial to a fellow candle lover – happy burning!
A concerned observation from a regular gentleman: An alarming number of modern men are afflicted with an impotence of integrity, intelligence, courage, and decency. And in a desperate measure to address said deficiencies, men have turned to an addictive narcotic, hoping to stimulate and erect their seemingly flaccid manhood – power. Utilized to advance the common good for society, power can be an invaluable tool wielded by the correct individual. However, power contained within the cold, calculating clasp of the callous can lead to calamitous consequences. Without question power is responsibility. Luke 12:48 states, “But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” As men, much is required, and we must govern ourselves accordingly.
And so, I offer an unequivocal, unapologetic opinion: There are too many men entrusted with power that are not responsible. Trafficking tension and weaponizing woe for personal profit, they cleverly utilize influence to intoxicate the masses. Beware of madness, mediocrity, and misogyny masquerading beneath a makeshift mask of masculinity. Do not be seduced by the sounds of melodic misinformation. And train one’s eyes and ears to identify empty bluster in a frail attempt to slyly conceal cowardice. For fear is an instrument wielded by individuals endowed with ineptitude and engulfed with insecurity. To be certain, a righteous gentleman will stand ten toes down on principles that are sound. A righteous gentleman understands that his masculinity is grounded in truth, dignity, honor, and respect.His strength is divinely designed to serve society and its people, as there is providential power in his purpose. I pray that you are living in your power to add virtue, morality, and goodness to this shared experience we call life.
Greetings, I hope everyone had a blessed, safe, and happy holidays over the past few weeks. For legions of children across the globe, the most wonderful time of the year brings excited anticipation and curiosity, as meticulously (or perhaps not) wrapped gifts magically appear beneath Christmas trees in households the world over. And shortly thereafter, many adults gather to ring in the new year with much-needed hope and fruitful, new beginnings. Personally, the gift I desire the most does not physically arrive in beautiful wrapping paper, tucked quietly under a Christmas tree. And heading into the new year, it is something I hope to have in abundance – peace of mind.
For many people, peace of mind can assume a variety of forms. Personally, during this time of year, the delicate art of wrapping gifts provides that peace of mind. The crafty exercise allows my mind to slow down and focus intently on the objective at hand. On its surface, it may seem like a cumbersome task – more pain in the butt than peace. However, with each careful fold or playful tie of a ribbon, the satisfying reward of seeing the finished work is undoubtedly worth the time and effort.
It affords me a quiet space in my head to tap into my thoughts and harness my creativity. Sometimes, I just look at my gift-wrapping accessories that I have slowly acquired over the years. I begin to dream of different color and material combinations in my head, and in turn, how will I adorn the exterior of the gift. Sometimes a fold will present a pleasant challenge. The wrapping paper won’t be as crisp. Some delicate paper may even mistakenly rip. Other times, I will need to untie a bow and start the process from the beginning. Nevertheless, it is all a part of the process. Surely, dutiful practice sharpens one’s skills. And once a flow is established, I can crank out gifts like a true Santa’s workshop. Looking at the finished project fills me with pride.
Capitalizing on end-of-holiday sales, I have amassed a diverse assortment of wrapping paper, colorful twine, ribbon, miniature ornaments, bells, and everything else from cinnamon sticks to dried lemon peels. Believe it or not, I have been able to cut down on the yearly cost of materials by simply recycling discarded twine, ribbon, or yarn. Leftover wrapping paper (after a sheet has been cut to size) is rolled and stored for the following Christmas. And when the time arrives, I search through my holiday inventory to find the appropriate piece of material to successfully complete the task.
The holiday season is now over. I will probably immerse myself in my continuing health journey to clear my head space. That is of course until it is time to tend to my garden!
The old saying is slightly cliche, however, health is most certainly wealth. And to be certain, a gentleman’s health encompasses many facets representing the mind, body, and spirit. Now, the reference to wealth is not necessarily bound to the accumulation of monetary assets. Rather, in this context, it is the abundance and value of his personal human capital. It is human capital comprised of the aforementioned mind, body, and spirit. It is a gentleman’s responsibility to allot the proper care, resources, and management toward these three key areas. Being a good steward for one’s health and well-being should not be viewed as a complicated, fussy exercise. Simply, self-care should be intentional activities that encourage positive effects on your well-being.
For example, two weeks ago, I unexpectedly found myself temporarily freed from the duties of being a father and husband. Cognizant of the fleeting time I possessed, I escaped away to a local shopping mall. Once there, I treated myself to a good movie (The Fantastic Four) and procured a jazzy David Donahue necktie on sale for an incredibly low $33.00 – marked down from $135.00. I have a deep affinity in my heart for neckties. One could argue that I own too many (do not ask). Nevertheless, some gentlemen collect watches, others have tastes for fine liquor, and many others love cars. I on the other hand gravitate to the beauty of a lovely necktie. I like the feel of different fabrics, as well as looking at the beauty of diverse colors and decorative patterns.
The necktie pictured above boasts a rich, beautiful hue of plum that will pair nicely with either a lavender, pink, or solid white dress shirt. The necktie’s abstract, geometric pattern can playfully complement any conservative leaning dress shirt -think solid or striped- that hangs in a gentleman’s closet. The 100% woven silk adds subtle texture and a medium weight that is sure to guarantee an exquisite dimple along with a graceful drape. It was a great afternoon. If but for a few hours, I was able to enjoy the temporary emancipation from life’s demands. And when your plate is a full course meal of requests, problems, and conflicts that require a substantial amount of personal attention – it can be exceedingly overwhelming. Therefore, it is imperative that one carves out time to introduce calm into chaos. It can be as simple as a movie and necktie. Be well and be the first to put yourself first.
To be certain, the respectable gentleman embraces a core principle of accountability. Now, when defining accountability, we understand it to be ownership of one’s actions and its subsequent outcomes whether it is positive or negative. Moreover, we understand that it is easier to embrace positive outcomes; those are of course more rewarding. However, unfavorable consequences challenge a gentleman to address his imperfections, failures, and transgressions. The exercise can be profoundly uncomfortable, yet it is an exercise that must be performed, nonetheless. Fleeing accountability is not some newfangled, novel notion of neglect. However, it seems as if individuals are currently abdicating responsibility at a breakneck pace. When dealing with transgressions, an essential component of accountability is acknowledging one’s role in the matter and learning from it. However, wisdom and knowledge cannot be gleaned from a lesson if the student skips the test. For the constitution of his character is clearly conveyed through a crucible of courage confessing culpability and contrition. A gentleman does not project anger, redirect faults, or offer empty excuses for his conduct. A gentleman’s objective is clear: admission, apology, and assiduous atonement. Adopt those standards to become a better gentleman, and moreover, a better human being.
Our family has officially entered the era of continuous school events and/or recreational activities; it is never-ending cycle of hustle and bustle. Today, I wanted to share a highlight from one of those events – a poetry slam from my daughter’s school. Yes, this gentleman has gotten old. I vividly remember writing about her when she was born many, many years. Well, it seemingly feels that long. It has been long enough for her to discover my blog on the Internet and actually read about my documented adventures as a new father. I digress, she wrote many poems that were captured in her book of poems, but I thought this particular one captured her thoughtful and caring demeanor. I encourage her to write down her thoughts more often, but it is a constant battle with those pesky tablets. Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Keep Going
When things get rough, you have to toughen up When you are sad, it is okay to cry And sometimes find a quiet place to hide
When I lost my dog Lindsay It was easy to say Every day would never be the same
We had our moments, and that's okay Every day is a new day For the people that supported me - thank you
When she fell in front of me and went to sleep I thought I would never play for another day
But Lindsay would want me to keep going We love you Lindsay You were great for all of your days
Certainly, an idle mind can be the devil’s workshop. When a gentleman is not intentional or productive with his time, his mind may aimlessly drift into thoughts that lead into harmful vices, negative thoughts, or destructive actions. To be sure, time is a sacred commodity. And a gentleman should be a responsible steward of his time and focus. Devote your attention to matters that reinforce your purpose and add value to your life. The superficial cesspool of social media, sobering reality of current events, and general messy housekeeping of life can be draining and guide you down a toxic path. Instead, strive to connect yourself with the fruits of an abundant life and strong sense of self. The reward is more gratifying and fulfilling.
The plant pictured above was dying. My wife wanted to sentence it to a final resting place amongst our yard waste for weekly pickup. However, I wanted to challenge myself, and I was convinced that with a little attention and nurturing, it could thrive once again. Faint hues of green in the stems gave me a modicum of hope. So, I meticulously snipped away the dead parts and commenced the process of plant restoration. Two months into the Operation Lazarus has yielded beautiful results. Brown, decaying leaves have been replaced by healthy, vibrant green ones. When I pass it during my daily comings and goings, I am filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment Whether the task is large or small, I challenge you to occupy your time with a constructive task that presents both a challenge and reward. Give yourself purpose, utilize your time wisely, and focus on the best you.
You simply are not allowed to speak your peace or offer insight. In vain, you attempt to conjure the right words, but you are cut off or talked over. Sometimes, the other person is just talking a mile per minute. From time to time, you may encounter a belligerent colleague that just will not allow you to get a word in edgewise. You may also encounter a verbose colleague that monopolizes all of the oxygen in the room. The atmosphere may be tense, and they are determined to drive their point. You may feel frustration or exasperation. If you experience either scenario, please feel free to use the following sentences: You have to give me the opportunity to speak. If we are going to have a constructive conversation, and have a meaningful exchange of opinion or ideas, I must have the opportunity to add to the dialogue.
Now, everyone’s situation is going to vary, so I would humbly suggest you take my recommended verbiage and tailor it to fit your own specific circumstances. Your delivery should be calm, reserved, and definitely firm. Your tone should be serious. It should be worth noting that you may need to reiterate your point a few times. Some individuals will attempt to argue you into the ground. You must remain married to your talking points and not stray off course. And if you still cannot get a word in – terminate the conversation. There is no need to talk in meaningless circles. Your parting word should be your last word. And your parting word should look like the following: When you are prepared to have a substantive discussion, and I am an active participant, we can certainly reconvene the conversation. Have a nice day.
When a team meeting begins an unexpected downward spiral into chaos and negativity, as a leader in management, one must never hesitate to utilize one’s authority to shut it down – immediately. And as a leader with direct reports, managing a medley of personalities can be quite challenging. Naturally employees will have team disagreements; that is to be expected as no two individuals are exactly alike. However, when difference of opinion devolves into disruption and disrespect, the resulting disorder can adversely affect team productivity and morale. Being a leader, one must have the foresight to identify potential conflict and strategically diffuse the situation before it escalates. The power of foresight can only be attained through hardened experience; there is no course or training that will prepare you for the variables of human behavior. I have endured through trial and error. I want to share some of my insight with you. Here are a few warning signs that your meeting may fly off the rails.
First of all, well, your silent alarm should be blaring when a colleague starts their sentence with “first of all”. Said colleague is about to launch into a lengthy diatribe complete with examples and key grievances – bullet point by bullet point.
A leader must be cognizant of inflammatory language and trigger expressions. When a colleague starts using accusatory language with a belittling tone, the recipient of the incoming fire will become defensive and will most likely reciprocate the sentiment. You never, you always, you should, or why don’t you are leading subjects generally delivered in a chastising manner. Calling attention to another colleague’s faults and errors, either aggressively or passive aggressively, is extremely toxic to the work environment. When a colleague’s work ethic or performance is being critiqued in full view of the entire team – by a non-leader – it will not be received kindly.
Everyone makes mistakes. Be leery of the colleague that chastises fellow employees while presenting themselves as the paragon of work perfection. And this self-appreciation is usually contrasted with a fellow employee as described in the previous bullet point.
When colleagues constantly interrupt one another and talk over each other, they are effectively ineffective with their listening comprehension.
A leader must also be aware of body language. The folded arms, the scowl, the pursed lips, the heavy sighs, the eye rolls, and I could go on and on.
So, as a combustible cauldron of chaos is being stirred with hostile intent, it is your duty to quell any disorder before it explodes into professional bedlam. What we do not want is a Lord of the Flies scenario in the workplace. So, what do you do? First, you must be calm and measured. You must be the voice of reason and pragmatism. Sensing potential conflict, you must insert yourself between quarreling colleagues to prevent them from launching verbal missiles at each other. Your voice must be the most dominant in the room. And dominant does not mean yelling. It should be firm, resolute, and steady. Table the discussion and direct the team that any unresolved issues will be taken offline. You should assert that bickering does not add value and is not constructive usage of everyone’s time. And when all else fails, remember as a leader in management, you can leverage the power of corrective action. Correction actions can be a pain to implement, but allowing discord to fester can quickly disrupt team dynamics. Shut it down as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
Sometimes when I drive to Planet Fitness, before I exit my vehicle with a punishing session of strength training awaiting, I slowly recline my seat and thoughtfully absorb the quiet. It is an unexpected serenity. Alone in vehicle’s cabin (a Kia Telluride), I may cue up the Sounds of Nature feature in the infotainment center – Rainy Day and Warm Fireplace are my favorites. Deep in my solitude, it has not been uncommon for me to fall into a gentle slumber. I quiet my mind and filter the noise of the bustling day. Sometimes I sit on my porch, gentle swaying frontward and backward in my rocking chair, as I treat my senses to the aromatic fragrance of my rose bush or playful color of my periwinkle. Family, friends, work, and life in general can silently clutter a gentleman’s mental and emotional space. Never hesitate to free yourself from that which anchors your spirit; offer yourself a much-needed respite from the confusion and chaos. And despite the thinly veiled or outright naked criticism, be unapologetic when guarding and defending your peace. Your well-being deservedly deserves better.
Today, numerous posts regarding Father’s Day will reflect upon the magnificent triumphs of fatherhood, or the profound gratitude expressed for the sacred opportunity to raise a child. I wanted to write something slightly different. Sure, a thoughtful inspection of a gentleman’s social media content would project a portrait of nobility, compassion, strength, and dutiful sacrifice – mine included. However, no one is above imperfection, and that includes me. Yes, I am quiet and mild-mannered, but my temper can flare terribly given certain circumstances. And, as my years on Earth have grown longer, conversely my patience is seriously shorter. So, when my annoyance and irritation has reached critical mass, I silently retreat within myself and shutdown. And I can elevate my voice to intimidating, frightening decibels.
I am, nevertheless, human. I make the common error of bottling my emotions. So, when stress and anxiety build, my emotions detonate. Still, I tend to believe there are more than enough rewarding attributes I encompass than the negative ones. I add meaningful value to the lives of people around me. And it is my hope that the best of me is what is most impactful in my children’s lives. There are a multitude of parenting books on the market, but parenthood is really on the job training. And on occasion, when even functioning as the most well-meaning father, we sometimes come up short. We just need to keep striving; we need to show up as the best version of ourselves for our kids. Today, I wanted to share my shortcomings, how I am improving, and examples of areas where I do feel accomplished as a dad.
I was born in the inner city of Detroit, Michigan – single mother household with two younger brothers. Our family did not have much; government assistance and grandparents aided us. We probably lived below or at the poverty level, but we never wanted for anything. You cannot want what you never had, nor want what you never heard of. Life was simple. Life was relatively happy. So, with that frame of mind, it has been difficult for me to view current times through my children’s eyes. Life is much different for them. Juxtaposed with my generation, I am challenged to adapt to their world. Let us talk the basics of life for them: two working-parent home, a house in a safe neighborhood, great schools, food on tap in the refrigerator, clothing in the closet, healthcare, etc. And now the extras: vacations, special school programs, electronic gadgets, fine dining, etc.
Now, I know that may even be basic to many of you, but again with my upbringing, a trip to Boblo Island and dinner from McDonald’s was a TREAT! In my early childhood, we had: one black & white TV (special shout out to those who needed pliers to turn the channel because the TV knob was stripped), received food from Focus: Hope, wore knockoff clothing (shout out to Pro Wings sneakers and Goodfellows), received food stamps & Medicaid, and lived in residences with pest issues. So, when my kids pout, express a negative attitude, or display poor behavior (especially in school); I cannot wrap my brain around it. Their life with all the bells and whistles should equal gratitude – at least in my mind. You must understand how my upbringing molded my thinking. So, when a parent’s efforts and sacrifice to provide more than their own childhood is seemingly not appreciated, well, we have reached critical mass. In addition, if you consider my work-life balance is not truly balanced; a day of absorbing the shenanigans of coworkers has me on edge. At the end of the workday, my mental and emotional tank is empty. I lose my cool. I get angry. I yell. I have popped a bottom or two.
Now, growing up in a household with only brothers, little emotion was expressed. Our mother loved us, but our mother was stern. She was no nonsense. She handed down discipline the old-fashioned way. I do not believe that “gentle parenting” was even a thing back in the eighties. However, raising three boys in Detroit, I can understand why she tended to be tough on us. Life in Detroit at that time was unforgiving. My mother did her absolute best to keep us safe, healthy, well-mannered, and educated. All three of us grew up as successful, productive African American males with good jobs, families of our own, never in trouble with the law, no drug use, etc. You can say all three of us are conservative gentlemen. Shout out to my brothers Michael and Raymond.
However, growing up in that stern environment shaped my personality today. There is not much fluff with me. I can deal with emotions, but sometimes I cannot relate to them. I am an introvert, so I do not talk much unless I am comfortable around you. People have told me I am hard to read. People have said I am anti-social. I am stoic. And so, I tend to be the disciplinarian in our household. I am the hammer in the parental tool bag when discipline and order need to be driven home. As a parent, I know my kids fear me to a certain degree. If they are disobeying my wife, and they hear my footsteps, a hasty scurry ensues as they course correct and retreat to what they should be doing. If they are being chastised, they peer over her shoulder and look in my direction. Sometimes, I need to be order to the chaos, and deep down I hate it. It is mentally exhausting as you either mete out punishment or deliver an unfavorable decision. I fear my kids will harbor resentment toward me. It absolutely crushes my spirit when a scolding is required. It is a delicate balancing act – deliver enough discipline to correct behavior, but not so much where they hold disdain and shut you out.
Fatherhood is a heavy weight to shoulder. I want to do what is best for my children, but sometimes you second-guess your parental decisions. No generation is perfect. So, you try not to pass down any trauma from your upbringing and unknowingly instill it within them. I have no ill will toward my father. But I must believe that I am doing a little better than him. I am a working father fully present in my children’s lives. Alcoholism and domestic abuse did not carry over into the man I am today. I iron school clothes. I fix breakfast. I pack school snacks. I decorate the house for Halloween and Christmas. I attend every school event possible. I help with homework. I do school projects. I volunteer at the school. Packed into a week and a half: I dropped off & picked up my daughter for play rehearsal, decorated the house for my son’s birthday, attended all three nights of my daughter’s play sitting front row, and chaperoned at her school dance. I have to believe I am doing a little better than my father before me, and maybe even my paternal grandfather I never met.
However, I recount the times I had to speak to my son’s teacher nearly every day due to his behavior in the classroom. Grades were never an issue; it was following classroom rules that was a problem. I dreaded picking him up from school because the likelihood of speaking to his teacher was high. A conduct chart was posted near the classroom door. And as I slowly, anxiously walked down the hallway with that chart coming into view, I could see he was at the bottom, in the red region – again. Lord. The motivational, inspirational pep talks I conjured up every morning on the car ride to school would seemingly fall on deaf ears- for nearly three years. It was mentally and emotionally taxing. And so, I yelled. I took toys. I popped a bottom. And then more pep talks. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Thankfully, he is much better today. However, for whatever reason, my daughter started slacking in her schoolwork. Lord – now this. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I am just trying to get this fatherhood thing right. I am trying not to react with anger. I am trying to talk quietly, yet firmly. I do not pop bottoms anymore. Instead, I take away allowance, take away electronic devices, or ask for push-ups. I am trying to be a better father. How so? What am I doing?
For Your Kids
Keep showing up and be fully present for your kids. Go to those school events. Volunteer and represent for them.
Be hands-on when you have availability. Help them with homework. Read to them. Read with them. Watch educational programming and discuss the content. Teach them something. Take them to a museum, a zoo, or local event.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I will call the kids down into my home office just to talk about what is going on in their life and life topics in general. I do not sugarcoat anything. We have had discussions about drugs, bad influences, racism, adults that prey on children, adult content online, the dangers of social media – you name it, we talk about it. I recently had a conversation about boys and crushes with my daughter. Lord, please grant me strength.
To be sure, you will need to reprimand your kids. Nevertheless, do not forget to express love to them, and express your pride in them.
And when they mess up, sometimes it is okay to give them a pass. Like a police officer catching you speeding but happened to be in a kind mood that day; you can let your kids off with a warning. Hopefully, that goodwill builds trust over time.
For Yourself
Therapy. Yes. I have a coach to hold me accountable for my health. I have a therapist to keep me grounded and structured in my well-being. A gentleman’s selfcare and mental health is important.
I go for long walks. I go for short walks. Regardless of either, I walk. It is good for your health, both physically and mentally. It is a time I quiet my mind, brainstorm, and just think about life in general.
You need to go to the gym and lift something heavy. And by heavy, I mean heavy relative to your strength. No? Well, knock out some push-ups, free squats, sit-ups, jumping jacks, I do not really care. Just get moving and get active! It clears the mind, reduces stress, and provides a sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes you cannot call your therapist in the middle of the night. You need to get yourself a trusted confidant. And no, not the friend that will just spew the toxic nonsense you read online. You need someone trustworthy that will listen intently and offer wise counsel.
Offer yourself grace. You are human and you are going to mess up. You will not be perfect all the time. Failure is not failure in and of itself, failure is abandoning the pursuit of success. So, do not get down on yourself, continue to pursue greatness for yourself and your family. And hopefully, your kids will be a little better than you.
Salute to all the fathers out there just trying to do right by their family. Happy Father’s Day.
Valentine’s Day project. Stayed up past midnight. And packed candy bags. Oh yeah, ya man has skills.
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To be sure, I am certainly not the same gentleman I was thirty years ago – at least not in the physical sense. My years of youthful virility are slowly disappearing in the rearview of my life. My body’s check engine light sporadically illuminates as mysterious aches and pains quietly arrive unannounced. My creaky joints are a touch stiffer, reflexes are a shade slower, and small regions in my beard are producing hues of eggshell white. And to add insult to emotional injury: My son just beat me in a game of H-O-R-S-E with three midrange jump shots with his eyes closed. The rascal peeked no doubt; he is no Michael Jordan. I digress; this brother is aging. Now, I can either go kicking and screaming, or I can accept the reality that Father Time comes for us all. I have determined that I will not be that older gentleman that is blind to the inevitable, stark reality: Father Time is undefeated.
That brings me to today’s post. A few months ago, my wife and I were invited to a birthday celebration. As I began to assemble my outfit, I thought about the type of crowd that would be in attendance. I figured guests would be around the same age as the birthday couple. Now, ten years may not seem like a huge differential as it pertains to age groups, but one would be amazed how much change can transpire within a decade. And for reference, I am North of 40 years old. Quick aside: During my high school years, one of my uncles considered himself the consummate playboy. He was a handsome gentleman with an abundance of charisma to spare. However, as he grew older, his advancing age did not match his youthful presentation. I love the guy, but as years passed, it was obvious he was attempting to prolong his glory years. Not me. I do not have the desire to be the 50-year-old gentleman that dresses like he is 30 years younger. The outfit may whisper young adult, but the vanishing hairline and gray beard screams, “Get off my lawn!”
Nevertheless, I am wise, and there is no reason to compete with men decades my junior. I realize that a gentleman can still present himself with grace and polish without the appearance of desperately clinging to days gone by. There are simply too many stylish options at a guy’s disposal to not look fantastic. So, what do I do? For a semi-formal occasion, I still lean into a trustworthy, dark navy suit anchored by a mature necktie, an elegant pocket square, and sharp-looking dress shoes. If navy is not an option, I would reach for a charcoal grey one. If I am feeling a little saucy, and I do not want to present as too stodgy, I will opt for a dress shirt with either an interesting pattern or unconventional color to make the look pop.
On this evening, I chose a blue/white dress shirt with a small repeating diamond print, complemented by the minimalist vibe of my conservatively striped dark navy necktie. The suit was dark navy. My shoes were black cap-toe oxfords. I rounded out the look with a fanciful flower lapel and topped off by a gentleman’s crown – in this case my Bailey. Side note: I have unapologetically embraced the exercise of wearing hats as a part of my ensemble. It should be an item in everyone older gent’s starter pack. With my now salt & pepper beard, I carry the look off well. Not pictured here, but I did decide to rock blue paisley socks. Nevertheless, my sartorial selections were rightly indicative of this stage in my life – intelligently grown-up with just enough playful interest to garner quiet respect. Call it my midlife stylish phase. When I looked at a picture from that night, I could not help but recognize how I have aged. But I look handsome and distinguished. And I am cool with that.
