Tag Archives: Motivation

Weight No Longer – The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly During My Weight Loss Journey

February 22, 2025 By in Culture Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

Well gentlemen, this was undoubtedly the lowest that my confidence had quietly plummeted. My self-esteem careened wildly over a cliff and exploded into an internal inferno within my heart. I was better than the man I recognized in the mirror with unfamiliarity. And yet, ironically in cruel fashion with the picture on the left, the requirement to employ a waistband extender to my slacks was not sufficient enough to spur an epiphany about my weight – I was dangerously overweight. I betrayed my body, and in turn my body was betraying me. Mysterious aches would greet me in the morning as I rose out of bed. I began to shy away from taking photographs. I was not inspired to attend events because I understood I would most likely need new, larger clothing. Because, sadly embarrassingly, I could no longer fit my old stylish threads. Fortunately, it took an unfortunate medical emergency during the summer of 2023 to kickstart my weight loss. My cardiologist was very blunt with his assessment: My life would most likely be cut short if I did not make the necessary health changes. To be sure, the journey has been challenging, but here I stand at 196 pounds after topping out at an unbelievable 315 pounds. I will most likely write about how I did it in a subsequent blog post. Today, however, I wanted to highlight the good, the bad, and the ugly along the way. Because, and the Lord knows it true, it was not easy.

The Ugly

  • A gentleman will soon realize that not everyone will be on board with the weight loss. Disclaimer, this is my personal account, so I want to be fully transparent. I have not had bariatric surgery, nor do I use GLP-1 drugs such as Ozempic or Wegovy. However, I have noticed a not so quiet criticism of individuals that do utilize such agents as a way to discredit or undermine their weight loss. Personally, I have been on the weight loss grind by walking, strength training, intermittent fasting, and eating healthier. That is what works best for me. If you are on a similar grind, some people may accuse you of employing the aforementioned weight loss methods. And that is between you, your family, and physician if that is case. Otherwise, just keep grinding and ignore the accusations. People can be seriously coldhearted nowadays, and if you are on a journey that is already taxing on your mind, body, & spirit; it’s important you surround yourself with positivity and well-intended support.

The Bad

  • Now, losing over 100 pounds has taken an insane amount of discipline. As an ardent lover of sweets, people just don’t realize how easy it is to go over the edge and spiral into indulgence. Sure, it may be easy for you to practice moderation, but for me it is eerily similar to an addict with sugar being my drug of choice. There is a reason why I ballooned to 315 pounds. A typical day could consist of a McDonald’s Big Breakfast with hotcakes and orange juice, Domino’s Garlic Parmesan Wings with Bacon & Jalapeno Stuffed Cheesy Bread for lunch, and a Beef Chalupa Supreme combination (soft taco & soft drink) with a Beans & Rice Burrito from Taco Bell to end the day. And that doesn’t include random treats during the day (Twinkies, sweet potato pie, chocolate brownies, donuts, chocolate cheesecake, etc.) and beverages (Gatorade, lemonade, grape juice, Pepsi, and Orange Sunkist). It’s really quite embarrassing to type that out for all to see. However, I need to convey that the struggle is quite real.  So, sometimes I cannot approach food with half-measures. A cheat day here, a cheat day there, a day off from the gym here, or a day off there can snowball into an avalanche fast. So, the involuntary side-eyes I receive when I am trying to make better choices or abstain from certain food choices can be a little irritating. You can feel the eyes zeroing in on your plate while you’re just minding your own business. People may caution you against becoming too small, and their heart may be in the right place, but the reality is they are probably just accustomed to seeing you overweight. Honestly, being “too small” is most likely the equivalent to just being a normal size – at least for me.
  • So, to reiterate, the self-discipline to do what it takes to lose weight will be off the charts. I mean, chocolate Twinkies are SO TASTY. Losing weight will require you to eat smaller meals and walking away from, albeit delicious, unhealthy sugar & fats. It will require going to the gym or walking when lounging on the couch feels so much better. You WILL get cravings. My gym is across the parking lot from JJ Fish & Chicken, and that aroma cascading through the air hits my nostrils like a savory sledgehammer. Fast food commercials will make your eyes widen and mouth water because McDonald’s is offering a double Fish Filet akin to a Big Mac or KFC’s newest monstrosity bowl of mashed potatoes, chicken, corn, and cheese sounds nauseatingly tempting. It requires staying the course when EVERYTHING you have done hits a plateau and your weight either does not budge or worst yet – even increases! Oh my, the times I wanted to say screw it and throw down with some warm chocolate brownies and French vanilla ice cream. You have to stay the course because…

The Good!

  • If I can stereotype men for a moment, we can become obsessed with performance. Be it competitive sports or any kind of competition for that matter, job responsibilities, or even in the arena of intimacy – we want, no, we need to perform our best. So, when a gentleman abuses his body in such a way that I did, ultimately performance in those arenas may suffer. Since losing a considerable amount of weight, I no longer wake up with aches and pains that I deceivingly blamed on aging. I no longer become winded during minor exertion such as walking up stairs. And for gentlemen of a certain age – listen closely because I am 48 years old – I am not proclaiming 20-year-old Dirk Diggler type performances, but strength training, walking, and eating right has done wonders for my stamina and fitness.
  • Also, my clothing just hits differently now. Never underestimate the power that a well put together outfit can do for confidence and self-esteem. I went to get myself measured by a tailor because I had not done so in many years. I was shocked at the measurements. My neck size decreased from 17.5 to 16. My waist decreased from 44 to 38. My suit jacket decreased from a 50R/50L to a 44R/44L – although a 46R/46L would probably be most comfortable. When the salesperson suggested a slim cut dress shirt to gauge the right fit, I immediately thought: No way I am getting into a slim cut dress shirt with a 16-inch collar. As soon as I saw myself in the mirror, I asked if I could go take a few pictures (above on the right) of myself. I could not believe my eyes! Gents, I am not ashamed to admit, I damn near cried during the car ride home. The personal accomplishment, the happiness was too real.
  • Now, let’s talk numbers, because true to form, it’s what on the inside that counts. During my checkup with my cardiologist, my vitals were as follows: blood pressure 110/77, total cholesterol reduced from 277 mg to 121 mg, LDL reduced from 219 mg to 77 mg, triglycerides reduced from 163 mg to 43 mg, and hemoglobin A1c reduced from 9.4 to 6.4. My HDL needs to be around 60 mg (mine was 43 mg), but my “bad” cholesterol numbers were great. Disclaimer: Due to bad genetics, I am on a statin. I have a rendezvous with my cardiologist and primary care physician in July. I cannot wait to show them all my hard work is continuing to pay dividends! And now, off to the gym I go!

Black Thought

November 10, 2024 By in Black Thought Tags: , Leave a comment

Sometimes the passage is rocky and turbulent. Sometimes we momentarily stray off course. And sometimes the destination is so far that the eye can barely see it. Alas, we dutifully stay the course. However, when we knowingly select a vessel fraught with moral dilapidation, and its integrity is compromised by ethical decay, the depths that we sink will be of our own choosing.

The Standard #61

September 8, 2024 By in Black Thought, Standard Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

Mountain

To be sure, for individuals with a heightened degree of mental acuity, one can risk leaning too heavily into one’s intelligence, much to the detriment of reason and logic. Now, there are particular circumstances that occur in life that elicit such a passionate exercise. And trust, I wholeheartedly understand the passion that can be evoked toward an intimately held belief or idea. For certain, it is passion that propels purpose and progress. Nevertheless, absent restraint, passion can pervert principle. Passion can propagate pain. And passion can prop up perplexing political partitions. Sometimes, if you can humor me, some subject matter need not be overly thought and unnecessarily complicated. Some things are as simple as they present themselves.

However, some people possess an insatiable appetite to expertly weave arguments to either explain the unexplainable or ignore the explainable altogether. So, what you have is an intellectual exhibitionist ready to expose their intelligence for all to see, solely for the purpose of self-gratification and self-affirmation. It’s not that complicated. Sometimes the subject matter boils down to key core values: integrity, honesty, accountability, responsibility, dignity, and character. Because, for all the bluster and grandstanding, a reprobate ideology should not trump morality and ethics. Is this not what we demand of our children? It’s not that complicated. Believe me, I understand the disappointment and despair. However, those feelings can yield discontent and disillusionment. And in turn, we gravitate towards something we know in our soul is wrong.

Now, you may have read the following statement before here on this blog, but I believe it bears repeating, albeit with a remix. We can disagree without being disagreeable, however, common ground should not be so uncommon, as I truly believe it is achievable. Diatribes disguised as smart discourse are disingenuous and should be definitively dispelled. In this shared experience of life, we are called upon to select imperfect vessels to carry our hopes and beliefs to a preferred destination for a greater good. Sometimes the passage is rocky and turbulent. Sometimes we momentarily stray off course. And sometimes the destination is so far that the eye can barely see it. Alas, we dutifully stay the course. However, when we knowingly select a vessel fraught with moral dilapidation, and its integrity is compromised by ethical decay, the depths that we sink will be of our own choosing.

Black Thought

July 23, 2024 By in Black Thought Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

The knee-jerk response of assigning every dissenting view as merely “hate” is just a lazy counter to constructive criticism. It is a dismissive attempt to avoid a meaningful exchange of opinion based on the merits of the subject matter. It is a way to justify the seemingly unjustifiable absent debate. A gentleman should be able to offer an opinion with candor, intelligence, reason, and respect. And conversely, a gentleman should be able to receive said criticism with openness, understanding, reason, and respect. Only through the exchange of well-thought perspectives can enlightenment and learning be achieved.

Living Your Best Life – Planting Seeds of Fulfillment – My Garden of Happiness

July 10, 2024 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Cone Flowers

Over the course of a gentleman’s existence, he will undoubtedly be confronted with varying array of challenges and adversity. The resulting stress can spiral into an unhealthy dependence on unproductive vices (pornography, alcohol, gambling, etc.) that can hinder us emotionally, mentally, and physically. We hastily retreat under a comforting blanket of false gratification and deceptive happiness. Figuratively beasts of burden, we strain under the discomforting weight of life, plodding along in a sad attempt to make it from Point A to Point B. Generally speaking, Point A would represent when we wake up and Point B would be when we go to sleep. Admittedly, I am a registered and certified night owl. However, the combination of night owl tendencies and mental stress equals terrible sleeping habits. I can function with 4-5 hours of sleep, but long term that is unsustainable and unhealthy. Therefore, my objective over the last three years has been to identify activities that grant meaningful satisfaction and contentment.

One of the activities that I have immersed myself in over the past few years is gardening. I never fancied myself as a gentleman blessed with a green thumb. Nevertheless, I embraced the hobby as a way to cope with the daily grind of life and what life has dealt my way. I enjoy the quiet and solitude of my own little escape. It occupies my mind and lifts the brain fog; forcing me to focus on the sometimes-grueling task at hand. However, the physical activity grants me vigor and mental sharpness. And it is immensely rewarding to watch plant life survive and thrive under my care. I selected various flowers and plants to entice pollinators to our garden, so the feeling of pride that swells inside me as I watch butterflies, bees, and hummingbirds fly back and forth is incredible. I have coneflowers (echinacea), swamp milkweed, salvia, roses, and lavender to name a few. My daughter has even given names to specific sections of the garden such as Bee Town – that’s where the bees tend to congregate around the salvia. That makes me smile inside. And I like smiling inside.

Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge – Identify an activity that brings genuine happiness and a sense of accomplishment within yourself.

Matters of the Heart – The Faithful Day That Compelled Me to Adopt a Healthier Lifestyle and Lose Weight

June 29, 2024 By in Life Tags: , , , 1 Comment

wp-17182313280977111548158283382936

Honestly, I do not know where to start this particular post as I look at the split photograph above. The contrast is visible jarring. It has definitely been quite the journey. I will be soon approaching the anniversary of a serious health scare that landed me in the hospital approximately a year ago. One summer evening, I was tirelessly working in the backyard when I encountered some stubborn weeds – burdock weeds to be exact. They were ridiculously humongous, and unbeknownst to me, their roots were insanely deep. With a bit of elbow grease, I surmised I could rip these unsightly, unwelcome visitors from the soil. However, they were embedded in the ground mightily, and with each Herculean yank, a piece of my soul seemingly left my body. I cannot recall how many weeds I was able to free from the ground, but I decided to call it an evening as it progressively became darker outside. We have been known to have rogue coyotes prance through backyards at night, and I seriously did not want a close encounter of the unwanted kind.

Physically exhausted, I sluggishly retreated to my couch to play some World War Z Aftermath on the PS5 to relax. However, I felt an uncomfortable heaviness in my chest. Now, it was not painful, it was just an irritating pressure that would not subside. I thought perhaps it was gas and I needed a vigorous belch. I tried to get comfortable, but I just could not find a cozy position. Frustrated, I then retreated to the bedroom to sleep it off – maybe I strained a pectoral muscle with all the previous tugging. Still, I could not find a comfortable position. I tossed. I turned, but nothing helped. Now my mind was racing to worse case scenarios. I have a history of cardiovascular disease in my family with more than a few deaths due to heart attack or stroke. Taking my age, family history, and physical shape into account; I decided now was not the time to be too proud and ignore any warning signs.

Admittedly, my next series of actions were questionable. I prepared my kid’s lunches for the following morning (it was between 1 a.m. & 2 a.m. I think), woke my wife up to explain the situation, and then drove myself to the emergency room. Okay – you can let me have it in the comment section. However, I truly did not feel as if I was in any medical distress. Once I was settled in the emergency room; all of the preliminary tests (EKG & bloodwork to detect markers for a heart attack) were fine. The nurse thought I’d be going home in the next few hours. Great, I would be back home to get breakfast started and see the kids off to school. Nope. Big nope. The on-call physician wanted more tests. After being tortured by the ER nurse who could not find a vein, I settled into my ER bed quite angry. Sidenote: If a nurse needs a vein finder thingy doohickie to locate your veins – ask for another nurse. I have never experienced that much pain in my life as a needle was jammed into my arm in a desperate attempt to start an IV. I’m a nice chocolate gentleman, but I can still see a faint bruise at the insertion site to this day. Thanks Stephen.

wp-17196190889608454350783210853977

Due to family history and my symptoms, the on-call physician wanted to examine me further before releasing me home. And so, I was wheeled away for a CTA (computed tomography angiography) to determine any funny business going on within my arteries. The results: 50-70% blockage in one of my coronary arteries. WTF?! I swear I cried for an hour straight. I stent was in my future. My mind was racing. I needed to see my children. I needed to be home. WTF?! Making calls to my wife and family were devastating. I had NEVER been hospitalized EVER. So now was the waiting game. I had to be admitted and I had to be scheduled for a cardiac catheterization to determine the best approach for stenting. The next day or so was tense. I was very much afraid. I was also deeply disappointed in myself for putting my loved ones through so much worry.

The procedure itself was a breeze. I was placed under mild sedation and given a local anesthetic; it lasted perhaps 20 minutes. I was a little loopy, but I could hear my cardiologist speaking with the nurses in the room. A miracle. I could hear him tell the room that the blockage was not bad, and a stent was not required. The blockage was more around 30% instead of the initial findings. I was overjoyed. And then my cardiologist had a frank conversation with me. I needed a lifestyle change, or next time, there would be no next time. My cholesterol was sky high, and so was my blood sugar. I never weighed myself at home. So, when the nurse wrote 139 kg on the white board inside my patient room, I was curious regarding what that equated to in pounds. Well, it converts to 307 pounds. WTF?!

The patient in the adjacent bed clocked in at around 500 pounds. He had severe sleep apnea, so he would wake up screaming when he stopped breathing. He vomited in the bed. Somehow, he yanked his IV line out and bled all over the sheets. Due to his size and inability to be mobile, he had to urinate in a basin. I could not sleep. I asked the charge nurse to pretty please change my room. However, the remaining rooms had all female occupants. And the last room had a single that was prone to violence. So, the choices were waking up to a crazed patient trying to kill me or stay with the pleasant sounds of screaming, snoring, vomiting, and peeing. I slept as best I could with headphones. Talk about a medical version of Scared Straight. I resigned myself to change.

Now, I will probably write another post regarding how I landed at my current weight – 214 pounds. Yes, I have lost over 90 pounds in a little less than a year. It has not been easy – not at all. The first glance at the gym mirror was so depressing. How did I allow myself to get this way? Losing weight felt like an impossible task. Nevertheless, we all have to start somewhere. I went on Amazon and bought a bevy of shirts to psyche myself up for each gym session. Thus far, I have reduced my blood sugar (back to recommended levels) without the aid of medication, reduce my cholesterol (still need meds because of these damn genetics), increase my overall energy, and look good in my suits again! It has been a struggle of a journey. But I’m still here y’all. And hopefully I can stick around a little while longer.

wp-17196211864518770324985610503631

wp-17196717411562561768828890279891

The Professional – Just for the Record – Why Documentation is Required Practice When Managing People

December 29, 2023 By in Professional Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

wp-1703802505364293885935194685955If I may offer some gentle advice to any new manager or supervisor: document, document, and document. And if you are a veteran leader in people management, but have mistakenly failed to perform this required practice, well, it would behoove you to document, document, and document some more immediately. Trust, an otherwise quaint work environment can become as brutal as Game of Thrones at the drop of a dime. The emergence of deceit, politics, jealously, power struggle, manipulation, and outright hate would make Cersei Lannister a proud, blushing queen. Managing a wide array of unique personalities, you can trust that at some point a colleague is going to come at you sideways. And in the event when that occurs, it is paramount that you are appropriately armed with receipts. I am speaking about recorded documentation of events and conversations that can confidently address any allegation, accusation, denial, work violation, so on and so forth.

A comprehension record of critical incidents at work is vital, especially if human resources need to be involved in a delicate situation. Let me be perfectly clear, documenting either issues with productivity or behavior should not be utilized with the intent to terminate any employee. Rather, the purpose documentation is to articulate a clear timeline of events, set clear expectations of job performance, and ensure that everyone has the same knowledge of company policies, procedures, changes, upcoming events, etc. It is all about communication with the colleague. Unfortunately, it is also to protect yourself in case a colleague decides to go full Petyr Baelish (Littlefinger) on you – manipulating both facts and people to bring about your downfall. Nope, you have to go full Sansa Stark and start running those receipts until they have no room to wiggle out of their deceit and treachery. Alright, enough Game of Thrones callbacks, here are a few reasons why it is important to keep detailed notes when in the role of management.

  • E-mail timestamps are a beautiful thing to behold. It captures the date, time, and any recipients that have received the electronic transmission of important information. This electronic signature can be invaluable when someone attempts to muddy a timeline of events or outright deny something occurred. And to take it up a notch, configure the e-mail to request a Read Receipt, which notifies you when your e-mail has been delivered and opened by the receiver. Save that Read Receipt if ever a dispute arises with anyone revising history.
  • If you are communicating directly with a subordinate, and the conversation begs for a second set of eyes, blind copy your immediate leadership so they are aware of any worthy communication that should be captured. You never want your boss to be blindsided by a situation if a colleague decides to go rouge and torch the entire department. Your boss does not necessarily need to act on the matter. This exercise is merely a courtesy heads-up for awareness.
  • The work environment can be hectic with an ever-changing landscape of policy and protocol. Therefore, if you find yourself leading a team huddle or meeting, it would be wise to assign the task of taking minutes to a colleague so it can be distributed via e-mail (there’s that timestamp again). This is a step to make sure everyone is on the same page. However, you will STILL have that one employee that will deny they were told anything. Luckily for you, those minutes are a timestamped record that they were duly informed. And if not taking minutes, jot down a brief summary of the team discussion and e-mail accordingly.
  • You would be performing a great service to yourself, because even if you don’t have it committed to memory, understanding the company’s mission and vision should help guide your management style as a leader. Copy and paste that company doctrine and slap it on a desktop sticky note. What does that have to do with document, document, and document? Because, if the situation ever calls for corrective action (either verbal or written), you should be armed with HR policy and procedures at the ready to deliver to an employee. Used in tandem with the knowledge of the mission and vision, you should be able to confidently deliver any appropriate corrective action with the company’s own language in black and white. And by the way, even “verbal” corrective actions should be documented.
  • On the topic of corrective action, omit any personal feelings or opinion on the employee matter. Rather, speak specifically to either employee behavior or productivity in regard to how they are not aligned with the company policy or protocol. Focus on areas of opportunity for improvement. In regard to either behavior or productivity, there should not be any surprises, as a manager should keep the employee informed of both. A detailed capture of any check-ins/reviews should be provided to the employee.
  • Does your company utilize a messaging software platform such as Microsoft 365 Teams? If so, well yes, those communications should be captured and filed away in another application such as Microsoft 365 OneNote. If that is not available, you can go the old-school route and file it away in a desktop folder. And you can be extra cautious by printing out any communications and filing it away in a physical folder – in a secure location of course. Whatever internal messaging platform your company is using; this can be an excellent way to document any important information that should be noted.
  • Every situation will not need an immediate corrective action. However, it is important to take notes that detail an ongoing situation. Email those notes to yourself so that the date of the occurrence is recorded and timestamped. If you find yourself in a tense situation with a colleague, state that the present behavior does not align with company or department policy, indicate you will be discussing the situation with upper management, and if further action is required you will be in contact. And then kindly excuse yourself from the interaction. Immediately record the event while still fresh in your memory but give yourself time to cool off if you are rattled or out of sorts emotionally. It is tough, but remember, you simply need to record the occurrence and utilize company/department policy to support your recommendation (if any) for corrective measures.

Living Your Best Life – Giving It the Best That You Got – Finding Joy

December 28, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

wp-17037337638523348199948838610343

An important component to parenting is the level of effort one expends to be engaged with one’s offspring. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked why I took the time to wrap Christmas gifts in such a fancy manner. Ultimately, the gift wrap would be hastily torn to shreds anyway. He did not really understand the reason for it all. And that is a fair question to pose. Well, there are two primary reasons why I decide to take the time to gift wrap items with a little extra flair. Now, it may be a cliche sentiment, but it really is the thought that matters. Somewhere in my children’s subconscious thoughts, I hope they are developing a deep appreciation and thankfulness for their father’s engagement. Years and years from now, it is my hope that I have created special memories they can recall when they are older. I want them to remember that during their formative childhood years; their father was an involved father. I feel overwhelming pride knowing that I am trying my best.

wp-17037497823152356965055761133696So, sure the little ones (I suppose they are not so little now) tear through their gifts like Tasmanian devils, but it well worth the effort to have a beautiful Christmas tree presentation with a colorful medley of decorative gifts underneath. My son even tagged along with me as we visited Michaels and Target to procure the necessary items to create a Palmer Winter Wonderland in the house. Hopefully, he is learning some lessons along the way. We did not purchase anything too ornate or spectacular, but the purchases enhanced the holiday spirit around the house.

wp-17037497826143480946093318733622The secondary reason for going the extra mile with gift wrapping affects me directly. Given that I do not have any harmful vices that would produce pleasure, but are nonetheless destructive, I am left to seek out positive outlets to trigger beneficial dopamine releases. Dopamine is an organic chemical that affects areas of the brain associated with temporary feelings of satisfaction, motivation, pleasure, and happiness. Therefore, it is common to find me in the yard during the summer tending to the family garden and mowing the lawn. The reward for the fruits of my labor is a great sense of accomplishment and pride. I never thought I would be that guy, but spending time out with nature and nurturing plant life is truly rewarding. Nowadays, I am always on the lookout for a project that elicits some inkling of happiness. 

wp-17037962854744167442503024111754Honestly, I would be dishonest if I said every aspect of my life was perfect and happy. No, unfortunately, that is simply not the case. Life can be indiscriminately unforgiving. Some days are really challenging. So, I wholeheartedly try to utilize every tool in my well-being toolbox to achieve as much balance as possible. The present above is one that really brought a smile to my face. The wrapping paper was heavier than the normal, standard variety one would purchase. The grayish blue surface was speckled with a glitter-like, grainy touch. It almost has a shimmer to it. It was simple, yet elegant. I used some excess paper to make a little bow which I affixed to the box with rustic piece of Christmas twine and bell. It’s amazing the sense of peace I feel as I fold, cut, tie, and tape my way to a finished project. I was really pleased with the results, and every time I saw it underneath the tree, I smiled inside with warm pride.

  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #1 – Identify an activity that engages and brings happiness to the life of another person(s). 
  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #2 – Identify an activity that brings personal contentment and a sense of accomplishment with yourself.

 

 

What I Am Rocking Right Now – Converse Chuck Taylor All Star

December 27, 2023 By in What I'm Wearing Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Hi everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed and had a joyous Christmas. Well, COVID-19 finally decided to visit the Palmer household. Somehow miraculously, I was not infected by the virus, but the rest of my family were not as fortunate. Thankfully, everyone has recovered and are healthy, but during that time I just did not have to energy to write as I was holding down the house. Soon after, I was especially busy with the requisite Christmas shopping, decorating, wrapping, and other various happenings going on with the holiday. And when I finally sat down to write, I received an odd error message regarding my Internet connection not being secure.

Therefore, I could not post any content on the Internet. The WordPress team finally resolved that issue, so I wanted to check in with a fun post about a daddy/daughter sneaker ball I attended a few weeks ago. Now, I probably own well over one hundred pairs of footwear, yet surprisingly only two pairs in that collection are sneakers. I do own some sneaker/dress shoe variants from Allen Edmonds, but those are suited more for business casual environments. The dance offered me the opportunity to blow the dust off my Converse sneakers and hit the town with my daughter. Here is how it all came together.

  • For a gentleman, it is always savvy to smartly complement your companion’s outfit. My daughter’s dress was pink, so I decided to wear a pink button-down dress shirt.
  • To accessorize the look, I selected a pocket square, a flower lapel button, and striped socks all in varying hues of lavender or pink.
  • I wanted to convey a sophisticated street presentation, so I ditched the necktie and paired some dark denim jeans with a powder blue sport coat.
  • Of course, I had to top off the look with an elegant, gentleman’s brim.
  • Since it was a sneaker ball, the shoes really needed to be the highlight of the outfit. I must admit, I bought this particular model/color with my daughter in mind about a year ago. I am somewhat of a serious guy, so I wanted a playful and colorful pair of sneakers to contrast my personality. The sneakers complemented her playful shoes and tights perfectly.
  • This was the first time I had dressed up in a long time. My sneakers garnered compliments all evening long. I think the biggest nod of approval was from an elderly man I saw in a store (I stopped to get my daughter dessert afterwards). He was literally staring me up and down. When he realized how long he was staring at me, he offered an apology, and expressed appreciation for my outfit – especially the hat and shoes.
  • I think outfit worked really well. I think I will try to look more in the future. Converse is in the midst of a sale with some really cool colors and models to offer.

Living Your Best Life – I’m About to Lose My Mind (Up in Here, Up in Here) – 5 Ways to Master a Peaceful You

December 2, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , 2 Comments

Clouds

A wise gentleman understands that it is his obligation to prioritize, promote, and protect his inner peace & well-being. Mastering both peace & well-being, a gentleman must define and be a staunch advocate for establishing boundaries and eliminating stressful environments. It is not his responsibility to compromise his comfort or suffer the misery of others. Becoming a passive participant in matters that agitate your spirit is never healthy. A gentleman should give himself to activities that facilitate mindfulness and personal growth. Here are five ways I am learning to guard and nurture my peace.

  • On occasion, to connect with oneself, you need to disconnect from the turbulence in the world. Yes, I attempt to stay abreast of current events. Nevertheless, the news can be a nasty business that traffics in emotional manipulation with inflammatory rhetoric and targeted influence. Therefore, I am mindful of what I watch on television in terms of receiving information. If I watch television, I love a good comedy series. You can never go wrong with Sanford & Son!
  • I remember when social media platforms were environments where friends & family could share achievements, establish social connections, reconnect with old acquaintances, and provide whimsical updates regarding life. Now, it is just fertile ground for hyperbolic, sensationalized clickbait dealing in disagreeable culture war debates. If it does not apply, I just scroll on by. And disabling accounts altogether may be a good option as well.
  • I can be described as antisocial. However, family & close friends understand that I am just not talkative. And I have learned that if the vibe with a person or in a group gathering is off; it is best that I just separate myself from the situation. I really don’t have the talent for being fake to go along just to get along. I tend to avoid meanspirited people with conceited, cantankerous temperaments. That type of attitude does not align with my core values, and interaction can be extremely exhausting. Identify those individuals that are a drain on your spirit and either avoid or sever ties.
  • I have learned that sometimes the best response is no response. Regardless of your diligence to avoid it; misery will always find a path to intersect with your life. Sometimes you have to walk away because granting your energy toward something that produces negative returns is not fruitful.
  • I seek and embrace settings that encourage peace and reduce stress. Of course, this will be different for everyone. Personally, I am fond of darkness (if the setting permits) with the sound of the ocean, rain, or a thunderstorm playing on my Google Nest Mini. I immerse myself in deep thoughts of gratitude. I positively reflect on my past, the present, and what I would like to see for the future. And sometimes I just close my eyes and become lost in the sounds of nature (via the Google Nest Mini). I find word search puzzles amazingly relaxing. And in the summer, I sit on my porch and enjoy my garden; watching butterflies and bees come and go.

Please share how you find peace in your life. If you appreciate and enjoy the content, please drop a like on the post and share with family, friends, or someone in need of a good word. Appreciate you all.

Living Your Best Life – Self-acceptance

November 25, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

wp-17004456890914547504081630519463Years ago, an individual thought it was proper to mock my lifestyle because I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke, and I don’t really attend large social gatherings often. I am somewhat of an introvert, and I would rather enjoy my own company along with a select few friends and family. My assumption is my lifestyle would be classified as “square”. I was being harshly judged and roundly ridiculed. Now, the subject matter does not garner a lot of mainstream conversation, but men can often be subject to societal scrutiny.

It is a scrutiny that evaluates and determines our masculinity based upon the ability to perform XY & Z. And if a man does not check enough of the proverbial boxes, well, then he is somehow less of a man. Opinionated circles and social media platforms will constantly bombard men with questionable beta versus alpha arguments (really just sensationalized clickbait), but truthfully, we all just trying to make it through our lives how we know best. Now, true enough, self-improvement should be a part of anyone’s life. And one should always strive to become a better version of themself.

Nevertheless, one must be careful of attempting to become an inauthentic version of oneself. Never compromise your character and integrity to appease and satisfy the requirements of someone else’s standards. Afterall, those said standards may not align with your own moral code or beliefs. One should never rise to reach lowered expectations. Embrace all of your personal attributes that make you…you. And love yourself unconditionally. I cannot express that enough because men need to talk about it more. Love yourself man! Look, I cannot change a tire. I cannot hang drywall. I cannot change the brakes on a car. However, I can: mow & maintain a beautiful lawn, cook some utterly delicious shrimp & grits, communicate on a level that inspires and commands respect, and decorate a space with beautifully coordinated home accessories. And I’m a pretty good father – at least I believe it so.

Check the Christmas chipmunk you see above. I was shopping at Michaels when I spotted some odds and ends. I’m pretty creative, so my mind started assembling these separates to create a cute little Christmas display for the breakfast nook. That is what I like to do, that is who I am, and it brings happiness to my spirit. Embrace your God-given talents and live by your own moral code; allow no one else to dictate otherwise. Love you!

Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. If you appreciate and enjoy the content, please drop a like on the post and share with family, friends, or someone in need of a good word.

The Standard #3

November 18, 2023 By in Standard Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Mountain

The knowledgeable gentleman comprehends that his image does not begin with how society views him. Rather, the gentleman’s image begins with how he sees himself. He alone determines and dictates the manner in which he is presented to the world. When he gazes into the mirror, the reflection of greatness should readily greet him. It does not begin with the clothing he chooses to attire himself in, nor the vehicle he selects to navigate city streets. Not the place of employment where he makes a living. Not the amount of money presently residing in his bank account. Why? Well, because character starts with his self-worth. His esteem is not erected upon a mountain of biodegradable materialism – subject to decay and waste. No, the gentleman’s image is based on gentlemanly fundamentals that are concrete and certain. Virtue. Honor. Principle. Forthrightness. The Gentlemen’s Standard.

The Polished Professional – The Man in the Mirror – Three Toxic Behaviors That Can Stop Your Career Advancement

November 15, 2023 By in Professional Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

photography of laptop computer camera smartphone headphones and mug

Hit dogs are probably going holler when they read this post. The purpose is not to offend; rather it is to enlighten. Because unfortunately, someone is currenting sabotaging their career right now with negative behavior. I just want to point out possible blind spots. Self-awareness is defined as having an understanding of your own thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, and actions. For the purpose of this entry, the concentration will be on one’s actions, specifically in the work environment.

As an employee navigates the challenging terrain of the workplace, it is crucial to acknowledge and accept that one’s behavior has a direct influence over one’s career path. Therefore, a lack of self-awareness potentially deprives one of opportunities to identify areas in need of improvement and recognize how people around you react to your work ethic. Sometimes you really need to read the room. Have an honest conversation with yourself, do any of the points below describe how you act in the office? It just may be the reason why your career is stifled. Continue to read.

  • As an employee, you expend more time and energy attempting to exploit loopholes in company policies or undermine the organization as a whole by questioning every leadership directive out of spite. Being a staunch admirer of your own intelligence and skill; the sole goal is to outsmart the company or voice vigorous dissenting opinions – striving for maximum professional bedlam. Well, congratulations because you have officially branded yourself as either untrustworthy or cantankerous – maybe even both. And while your actions may not rise to the level of immediate termination; don’t expect career advancement any time soon. You are proving you do not align with the organization’s mission and vision. You do not add any value. And worst yet, you are most likely an exhaustive drain on leadership and your peers. And eventually, you just may be shown the door.
  • Your business is minding the business of your peers. And you never saw a bus too small to throw someone under. Yes, you are that type of employee that everyone despises. You are the type of employee that discloses private business offered to you in confidence. Your favorite hobby is snitching on fellow coworkers because you believe it elevates your status or perhaps you extract jollies from getting others in trouble. Sure, leadership may love gleaning valuable intelligence from their favorite informant, but trust, they will never elevate you above your current station. Your backhanded duplicitous nature does not exactly scream team player or leadership material. You lack respect from leadership and coworkers alike. You’re only useful at being used, and that is not position you should desire.
  • There is a clear distinction between being a righteous advocate for oneself and being a victim. Now, before everyone jumps all over me, yes, there are valid injustices in the workplace. And those occurrences should be identified and addressed accordingly. However, if you are repeatedly crying wolf absent supporting evidence & documentation to validate your assertions, your claims will lose credibility with each passing allegation. And honestly, the sad part is the aggrieved party knows full well that their grievances are without merit. Attention, good or bad, is still attention. Nevertheless, spoiler alert, no one likes drama. Work is already stressful. No one wants to welcome even more. Perhaps something more nefarious is afoot. Regrettably, perhaps it is just another ploy to work an angle for personal gain and subvert the system. This ties to the first bullet point above; lack of integrity and honesty is a surefire way to stall career advancement.

I understand there may be exceptions to the examples I listed above. However, odds are not in your favor if you embody any of the traits discussed here. Every now and again, one has to look in the mirror and determine if they are the source of their work problems and stagnant career. It may be difficult to confront yourself, but your growth and development will benefit in the long run.

Monday Morning Musings – Thoughts Weighing on my Heart & Mind 11.13.23

November 13, 2023 By in Black Thought, Life Tags: , Leave a comment
  • Halloween 2023Sometimes, ignorance truly is wonderful bliss. True indeed, life can be can suffocatingly stressful. Nowadays, I draw happiness and joy from the innocence of my children – like seeing them catch snowflakes with their tongues on Halloween.
  • True enough, happiness won’t always find you, but one can always identify something that fills you with gratitude.
  • I purchased a Vasagle coat rack from Amazon last week. A steel frame with four wooden shelves, it adds a touch of charm to my home office. A well-organized, tidy space allows me to think clearly and better.
  • While cleaning the office and identifying items for recycling, I came across some magazines that were ten to twenty years old. It is painfully obvious and amazing that the average gentleman is no longer the target demographic. During a time when classic men’s style was championed by popular men’s magazines; that is unfortunately no longer the case. The magazines are either defunct or cater to unreasonable, fashion extremes better suited for the quirks of Hollywood than regular ordinary life.
  • I graduated from Cass Technical High School in 1994 where preppy style was immensely popular amongst the student body. Maybe that is why I like that damn Polo Bear so much.
  •  Bed Bath and Beyond offered a wonderfully scented candle from the Heirloom Home collection. It was called warm flannel. The smell of that candle helped me through some rough days a few years back. The company declared bankruptcy and closed its brick-and-mortar locations. Acquired by Overstock.com, the Bed Bath and Beyond name currently existed online under the operations of a rebranded Overstock. Sadly, the Heirloom Home Warm Flannel candle is not available for purchase. I miss that candle.
  • Emotional pain is similar to a back injury. There is a certain degree of healing. However, what was before will never quite be the same. Some days will be better than others, but the pain will always exist in varying intensities. It will all depend upon how you handle it.
  • At my moderately advanced age, I cannot allow certain things stress or upset me. And so, watching the Detroit Pistons has been placed on deserved hiatus until the organization gets their act together.
  • Through a work benefit, I have a monthly standing appointment with a life coach to discuss my mental health and well-being. We do not talk about the Detroit Pistons.

Black Thought – Happiness

November 8, 2023 By in Black Thought Tags: , , , 1 Comment

Alice Walker

“Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.”

– Alice Walker

I won’t insult the audience with a platitude that sounds pleasing to the ears, and albeit well-intended, sadly lacks real world practicality. The unfortunate truth is that happiness is not a perpetual guarantee, nor promise for anyone. Your happiness and the pursuit thereof are your sole responsibility. Because, in this mutually shared event called life, we cannot be mere spectators allowing our joy to be dictated by the actions of others. To be clear, you must assume ownership of your own contentment and what affects you. To do otherwise is to unconditionally submit your well-being to uncertainty. Sometimes, you cannot control the environment around you. However, you can control your thoughts and how you react.

Far too often I have foolishly sacrificed my own wellness to please others; grossly mistaking that the gesture would be reciprocated. To enjoy a fulfilling return on your happiness; you must fully invest in yourself. You must allocate the necessary time and resources to fill your spirit with gratification and jubilance. Music is one of my outlets. So, when I cue either Stevie Wonder or Luther Vandross to play on my Google smart display, my spirits are instantly raised. I smile. I dance a little jig. I sing with a joyous heart. In that moment I am happy. If the moment presents itself – take it! And if not – make it!