Tag Archives: Gentleman

Style & Substance – Square in Square Geo Woven Silk Necktie – David Donahue

August 16, 2025 By in Style & Substance Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The old saying is slightly cliche, however, health is most certainly wealth. And to be certain, a gentleman’s health encompasses many facets representing the mind, body, and spirit. Now, the reference to wealth is not necessarily bound to the accumulation of monetary assets. Rather, in this context, it is the abundance and value of his personal human capital. It is human capital comprised of the aforementioned mind, body, and spirit. It is a gentleman’s responsibility to allot the proper care, resources, and management toward these three key areas. Being a good steward for one’s health and well-being should not be viewed as a complicated, fussy exercise. Simply, self-care should be intentional activities that encourage positive effects on your well-being.

For example, two weeks ago, I unexpectedly found myself temporarily freed from the duties of being a father and husband. Cognizant of the fleeting time I possessed, I escaped away to a local shopping mall. Once there, I treated myself to a good movie (The Fantastic Four) and procured a jazzy David Donahue necktie on sale for an incredibly low $33.00 – marked down from $135.00. I have a deep affinity in my heart for neckties. One could argue that I own too many (do not ask). Nevertheless, some gentlemen collect watches, others have tastes for fine liquor, and many others love cars. I on the other hand gravitate to the beauty of a lovely necktie. I like the feel of different fabrics, as well as looking at the beauty of diverse colors and decorative patterns.

The necktie pictured above boasts a rich, beautiful hue of plum that will pair nicely with either a lavender, pink, or solid white dress shirt. The necktie’s abstract, geometric pattern can playfully complement any conservative leaning dress shirt -think solid or striped- that hangs in a gentleman’s closet. The 100% woven silk adds subtle texture and a medium weight that is sure to guarantee an exquisite dimple along with a graceful drape. It was a great afternoon. If but for a few hours, I was able to enjoy the temporary emancipation from life’s demands. And when your plate is a full course meal of requests, problems, and conflicts that require a substantial amount of personal attention – it can be exceedingly overwhelming. Therefore, it is imperative that one carves out time to introduce calm into chaos. It can be as simple as a movie and necktie. Be well and be the first to put yourself first.

The Standard #61

July 28, 2025 By in Standard Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

To be certain, the respectable gentleman embraces a core principle of accountability. Now, when defining accountability, we understand it to be ownership of one’s actions and its subsequent outcomes whether it is positive or negative. Moreover, we understand that it is easier to embrace positive outcomes; those are of course more rewarding. However, unfavorable consequences challenge a gentleman to address his imperfections, failures, and transgressions. The exercise can be profoundly uncomfortable, yet it is an exercise that must be performed, nonetheless. Fleeing accountability is not some newfangled, novel notion of neglect. However, it seems as if individuals are currently abdicating responsibility at a breakneck pace. When dealing with transgressions, an essential component of accountability is acknowledging one’s role in the matter and learning from it. However, wisdom and knowledge cannot be gleaned from a lesson if the student skips the test. For the constitution of his character is clearly conveyed through a crucible of courage confessing culpability and contrition. A gentleman does not project anger, redirect faults, or offer empty excuses for his conduct. A gentleman’s objective is clear: admission, apology, and assiduous atonement. Adopt those standards to become a better gentleman, and moreover, a better human being.

Living Your Best Life – Choosing Peace Over Pandemonium

June 18, 2025 By in Best Life Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Sometimes when I drive to Planet Fitness, before I exit my vehicle with a punishing session of strength training awaiting, I slowly recline my seat and thoughtfully absorb the quiet. It is an unexpected serenity. Alone in vehicle’s cabin (a Kia Telluride), I may cue up the Sounds of Nature feature in the infotainment center – Rainy Day and Warm Fireplace are my favorites. Deep in my solitude, it has not been uncommon for me to fall into a gentle slumber. I quiet my mind and filter the noise of the bustling day. Sometimes I sit on my porch, gentle swaying frontward and backward in my rocking chair, as I treat my senses to the aromatic fragrance of my rose bush or playful color of my periwinkle. Family, friends, work, and life in general can silently clutter a gentleman’s mental and emotional space. Never hesitate to free yourself from that which anchors your spirit; offer yourself a much-needed respite from the confusion and chaos. And despite the thinly veiled or outright naked criticism, be unapologetic when guarding and defending your peace. Your well-being deservedly deserves better.

Daddy Diary – Giving Them the Best That I Got – My Shortcomings as a Father & the Hopes They Do a Little Better Than Me

June 15, 2025 By in Daddy Diary Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Today, numerous posts regarding Father’s Day will reflect upon the magnificent triumphs of fatherhood, or the profound gratitude expressed for the sacred opportunity to raise a child. I wanted to write something slightly different. Sure, a thoughtful inspection of a gentleman’s social media content would project a portrait of nobility, compassion, strength, and dutiful sacrifice – mine included. However, no one is above imperfection, and that includes me. Yes, I am quiet and mild-mannered, but my temper can flare terribly given certain circumstances. And, as my years on Earth have grown longer, conversely my patience is seriously shorter. So, when my annoyance and irritation has reached critical mass, I silently retreat within myself and shutdown. And I can elevate my voice to intimidating, frightening decibels.

I am, nevertheless, human. I make the common error of bottling my emotions. So, when stress and anxiety build, my emotions detonate. Still, I tend to believe there are more than enough rewarding attributes I encompass than the negative ones. I add meaningful value to the lives of people around me. And it is my hope that the best of me is what is most impactful in my children’s lives. There are a multitude of parenting books on the market, but parenthood is really on the job training. And on occasion, when even functioning as the most well-meaning father, we sometimes come up short. We just need to keep striving; we need to show up as the best version of ourselves for our kids. Today, I wanted to share my shortcomings, how I am improving, and examples of areas where I do feel accomplished as a dad.

I was born in the inner city of Detroit, Michigan – single mother household with two younger brothers. Our family did not have much; government assistance and grandparents aided us. We probably lived below or at the poverty level, but we never wanted for anything. You cannot want what you never had, nor want what you never heard of. Life was simple. Life was relatively happy. So, with that frame of mind, it has been difficult for me to view current times through my children’s eyes. Life is much different for them. Juxtaposed with my generation, I am challenged to adapt to their world. Let us talk the basics of life for them: two working-parent home, a house in a safe neighborhood, great schools, food on tap in the refrigerator, clothing in the closet, healthcare, etc. And now the extras: vacations, special school programs, electronic gadgets, fine dining, etc.

Now, I know that may even be basic to many of you, but again with my upbringing, a trip to Boblo Island and dinner from McDonald’s was a TREAT! In my early childhood, we had: one black & white TV (special shout out to those who needed pliers to turn the channel because the TV knob was stripped), received food from Focus: Hope, wore knockoff clothing (shout out to Pro Wings sneakers and Goodfellows), received food stamps & Medicaid, and lived in residences with pest issues. So, when my kids pout, express a negative attitude, or display poor behavior (especially in school); I cannot wrap my brain around it. Their life with all the bells and whistles should equal gratitude – at least in my mind. You must understand how my upbringing molded my thinking. So, when a parent’s efforts and sacrifice to provide more than their own childhood is seemingly not appreciated, well, we have reached critical mass. In addition, if you consider my work-life balance is not truly balanced; a day of absorbing the shenanigans of coworkers has me on edge. At the end of the workday, my mental and emotional tank is empty. I lose my cool. I get angry. I yell. I have popped a bottom or two.

Now, growing up in a household with only brothers, little emotion was expressed. Our mother loved us, but our mother was stern. She was no nonsense. She handed down discipline the old-fashioned way. I do not believe that “gentle parenting” was even a thing back in the eighties. However, raising three boys in Detroit, I can understand why she tended to be tough on us. Life in Detroit at that time was unforgiving. My mother did her absolute best to keep us safe, healthy, well-mannered, and educated. All three of us grew up as successful, productive African American males with good jobs, families of our own, never in trouble with the law, no drug use, etc. You can say all three of us are conservative gentlemen. Shout out to my brothers Michael and Raymond.

However, growing up in that stern environment shaped my personality today. There is not much fluff with me. I can deal with emotions, but sometimes I cannot relate to them. I am an introvert, so I do not talk much unless I am comfortable around you. People have told me I am hard to read. People have said I am anti-social. I am stoic. And so, I tend to be the disciplinarian in our household. I am the hammer in the parental tool bag when discipline and order need to be driven home. As a parent, I know my kids fear me to a certain degree. If they are disobeying my wife, and they hear my footsteps, a hasty scurry ensues as they course correct and retreat to what they should be doing. If they are being chastised, they peer over her shoulder and look in my direction. Sometimes, I need to be order to the chaos, and deep down I hate it. It is mentally exhausting as you either mete out punishment or deliver an unfavorable decision. I fear my kids will harbor resentment toward me. It absolutely crushes my spirit when a scolding is required. It is a delicate balancing act – deliver enough discipline to correct behavior, but not so much where they hold disdain and shut you out.

Fatherhood is a heavy weight to shoulder. I want to do what is best for my children, but sometimes you second-guess your parental decisions. No generation is perfect. So, you try not to pass down any trauma from your upbringing and unknowingly instill it within them. I have no ill will toward my father. But I must believe that I am doing a little better than him. I am a working father fully present in my children’s lives. Alcoholism and domestic abuse did not carry over into the man I am today. I iron school clothes. I fix breakfast. I pack school snacks. I decorate the house for Halloween and Christmas. I attend every school event possible. I help with homework. I do school projects. I volunteer at the school. Packed into a week and a half: I dropped off & picked up my daughter for play rehearsal, decorated the house for my son’s birthday, attended all three nights of my daughter’s play sitting front row, and chaperoned at her school dance. I have to believe I am doing a little better than my father before me, and maybe even my paternal grandfather I never met.

However, I recount the times I had to speak to my son’s teacher nearly every day due to his behavior in the classroom. Grades were never an issue; it was following classroom rules that was a problem. I dreaded picking him up from school because the likelihood of speaking to his teacher was high. A conduct chart was posted near the classroom door. And as I slowly, anxiously walked down the hallway with that chart coming into view, I could see he was at the bottom, in the red region – again. Lord. The motivational, inspirational pep talks I conjured up every morning on the car ride to school would seemingly fall on deaf ears- for nearly three years. It was mentally and emotionally taxing. And so, I yelled. I took toys. I popped a bottom. And then more pep talks. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Thankfully, he is much better today. However, for whatever reason, my daughter started slacking in her schoolwork. Lord – now this. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I am just trying to get this fatherhood thing right. I am trying not to react with anger. I am trying to talk quietly, yet firmly. I do not pop bottoms anymore. Instead, I take away allowance, take away electronic devices, or ask for push-ups. I am trying to be a better father. How so? What am I doing?

For Your Kids

  • Keep showing up and be fully present for your kids. Go to those school events. Volunteer and represent for them.
  • Be hands-on when you have availability. Help them with homework. Read to them. Read with them. Watch educational programming and discuss the content. Teach them something. Take them to a museum, a zoo, or local event.
  • Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I will call the kids down into my home office just to talk about what is going on in their life and life topics in general. I do not sugarcoat anything. We have had discussions about drugs, bad influences, racism, adults that prey on children, adult content online, the dangers of social media – you name it, we talk about it. I recently had a conversation about boys and crushes with my daughter. Lord, please grant me strength.
  • To be sure, you will need to reprimand your kids. Nevertheless, do not forget to express love to them, and express your pride in them.
  • And when they mess up, sometimes it is okay to give them a pass. Like a police officer catching you speeding but happened to be in a kind mood that day; you can let your kids off with a warning. Hopefully, that goodwill builds trust over time.

For Yourself

  • Therapy. Yes. I have a coach to hold me accountable for my health. I have a therapist to keep me grounded and structured in my well-being. A gentleman’s selfcare and mental health is important.
  • I go for long walks. I go for short walks. Regardless of either, I walk. It is good for your health, both physically and mentally. It is a time I quiet my mind, brainstorm, and just think about life in general.
  • You need to go to the gym and lift something heavy. And by heavy, I mean heavy relative to your strength. No? Well, knock out some push-ups, free squats, sit-ups, jumping jacks, I do not really care. Just get moving and get active! It clears the mind, reduces stress, and provides a sense of accomplishment.
  • Sometimes you cannot call your therapist in the middle of the night. You need to get yourself a trusted confidant. And no, not the friend that will just spew the toxic nonsense you read online. You need someone trustworthy that will listen intently and offer wise counsel.
  • Offer yourself grace. You are human and you are going to mess up. You will not be perfect all the time. Failure is not failure in and of itself, failure is abandoning the pursuit of success. So, do not get down on yourself, continue to pursue greatness for yourself and your family. And hopefully, your kids will be a little better than you.

Salute to all the fathers out there just trying to do right by their family. Happy Father’s Day.

Valentine’s Day project. Stayed up past midnight. And packed candy bags. Oh yeah, ya man has skills.

Please like and share this content if you found it meaningful and would be meaningful to someone else.

Happy Father’s Day!

June 15, 2025 By in Brotherly Love Tags: , , , , Leave a comment
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

“Fatherhood has taught me patience in all aspects of life and unconditional love.” – Iman, Texas

“Fatherhood is a blessing to me because through love, it has caused me to examine myself as a man and made me a better person.” – Cornelius, Michigan

Style & Substance – My Midlife Stylish Phase and the Dignity of Aging Gracefully

June 14, 2025 By in Style & Substance Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

To be sure, I am certainly not the same gentleman I was thirty years ago – at least not in the physical sense. My years of youthful virility are slowly disappearing in the rearview of my life. My body’s check engine light sporadically illuminates as mysterious aches and pains quietly arrive unannounced. My creaky joints are a touch stiffer, reflexes are a shade slower, and small regions in my beard are producing hues of eggshell white. And to add insult to emotional injury: My son just beat me in a game of H-O-R-S-E with three midrange jump shots with his eyes closed. The rascal peeked no doubt; he is no Michael Jordan. I digress; this brother is aging. Now, I can either go kicking and screaming, or I can accept the reality that Father Time comes for us all. I have determined that I will not be that older gentleman that is blind to the inevitable, stark reality: Father Time is undefeated.

That brings me to today’s post. A few months ago, my wife and I were invited to a birthday celebration. As I began to assemble my outfit, I thought about the type of crowd that would be in attendance. I figured guests would be around the same age as the birthday couple. Now, ten years may not seem like a huge differential as it pertains to age groups, but one would be amazed how much change can transpire within a decade. And for reference, I am North of 40 years old. Quick aside: During my high school years, one of my uncles considered himself the consummate playboy. He was a handsome gentleman with an abundance of charisma to spare. However, as he grew older, his advancing age did not match his youthful presentation. I love the guy, but as years passed, it was obvious he was attempting to prolong his glory years. Not me. I do not have the desire to be the 50-year-old gentleman that dresses like he is 30 years younger. The outfit may whisper young adult, but the vanishing hairline and gray beard screams, “Get off my lawn!”

Nevertheless, I am wise, and there is no reason to compete with men decades my junior. I realize that a gentleman can still present himself with grace and polish without the appearance of desperately clinging to days gone by. There are simply too many stylish options at a guy’s disposal to not look fantastic. So, what do I do? For a semi-formal occasion, I still lean into a trustworthy, dark navy suit anchored by a mature necktie, an elegant pocket square, and sharp-looking dress shoes. If navy is not an option, I would reach for a charcoal grey one. If I am feeling a little saucy, and I do not want to present as too stodgy, I will opt for a dress shirt with either an interesting pattern or unconventional color to make the look pop.

On this evening, I chose a blue/white dress shirt with a small repeating diamond print, complemented by the minimalist vibe of my conservatively striped dark navy necktie. The suit was dark navy. My shoes were black cap-toe oxfords. I rounded out the look with a fanciful flower lapel and topped off by a gentleman’s crown – in this case my Bailey. Side note: I have unapologetically embraced the exercise of wearing hats as a part of my ensemble. It should be an item in everyone older gent’s starter pack. With my now salt & pepper beard, I carry the look off well. Not pictured here, but I did decide to rock blue paisley socks. Nevertheless, my sartorial selections were rightly indicative of this stage in my life – intelligently grown-up with just enough playful interest to garner quiet respect. Call it my midlife stylish phase. When I looked at a picture from that night, I could not help but recognize how I have aged. But I look handsome and distinguished. And I am cool with that.

  • Suit – Hart Schaffner Marx
  • Shirt – Forsyth of Canada
  • Necktie – Eidos
  • Pocket Square – Burberry
  • Flower Lapel – Hook + Albert
  • Socks – Paul Stuart
  • Shoes – Allen Edmonds
  • Watch – Tissot
  • Hat – Bailey

The Standard #29

June 13, 2025 By in Standard Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Humility. The intentional act of possessing a modest opinion of one’s importance and practicing an honest self-awareness of one’s abilities. The gentleman understands the complexities of life and accepts the reality that other individuals may excel in areas he may not. Humility also demands a quiet acknowledgement of one’s strengths while resisting the desire to judge, belittle, or disparage others. To be sure, humility demands thought and responsibility. A gentleman should not be influenced by the wayward musings of individuals intoxicated by the arrogance of their own ignorance. So enamored by their perceived greatness; said individuals cannot fathom or recognize the potential shortcomings of self.

However, in the governance of life, a gentleman must be cognizant of faults and limitations. And there is absolutely no shame in that. One must understand that embracing humility does not make one weak. On the contrary, humility projects a quiet and admirable strength. It is the resolute confidence of oneself absent vanity that keeps you grounded. It keeps you focused on the more important things in life, and not a preoccupation with self-aggrandizement. The folly of arrogance is an exercise for fools. Just keep living and life will eventually happen to you. And life can be the greatest administrator of humility. Recognize your position in life, and even if your station ranks well above others, discipline yourself in humility. A humble gentleman is a paragon of inspiration, encouragement, and is wholly faithful to serving his fellow man.

Daddy Diary – Oh, What, Wow – He’s the Greatest Dancer (That Never Got the Chance to Dance)

June 11, 2025 By in Daddy Diary Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

So, it is safe to classify the following circumstances as a forgivable miss by good old Dad here. The evening event was advertised as a school dance. It was simple enough. Now, perhaps, I did not carefully read the information contained in the school e-mail as required. Perhaps, I was too excited to embarrass my child on the dance floor with the old man cutting a rug. Nonetheless, I obviously overlooked the fine print regarding the dress code for the evening event. And nowadays, I admittedly embrace the opportunity to slide into stylish threads given the years spent hiding in oversized clothing.

And so, about a month prior to the dance, lessons commenced in the family room to correct my daughter’s two left feet. I carefully curated songs from the 80s and 90s to serve up the appropriate vibe. Once we mastered the simple two step as our foundation, we were good to go. Next, I accepted the mission of procuring outfits for us both with hues of pink and purple as our core colors. I found a cute dress for my daughter at Von Maur. I procured accompanying stockings and shoes from Target. With the school dance one month away, we were ready to show up and show out. Imagine my shock as we pulled into the parking lot; kids were dressed to impress in tee shirts, shorts, and jogging pants.

With exasperation, Ava sighed, “We were supposed to be dressed for a neon lights party.” In other words, this was not the glitzy, formal affair that I envisioned in my bald cranium. Nevertheless, I reassured Ava that without any doubt, we would be the best dressed tandem at the dance. She could still accessorize her outfit with neon paraphernalia and still embody the central theme for the night. We walked past a few parents I recognized, as they chuckled at my newcomer mistake, and they confirmed that this was a dance truly for the kids. However, that irony was not lost on me because this was anything but a dance. 

To utilize the word dance to describe the event would be to use the word dance loosely. Rather, it was much more like a mosh pit of flailing limbs with all the coordination of a baby giraffe learning to walk – stuck on repeat. Amongst the arrhythmic chaos, small groups of boys decided that the auditorium was an indoor playground. They chased each other around, tossed party favors at one another, and wrestled around on the floor. I had to break up two scuffles. As a chaperon, Dad was recruited to guard the stage because hard-headed kids kept bum-rushing the stage and accosting the DJ with requests. Eventually they destroyed the neon lights party sign. 

Through it all, I did not even get a chance to dance with my daughter. Honestly, I do not believe I would have been granted the opportunity because the music was warm dumpster juice on a hot, muggy afternoon. Now, I am not blaming the DJ, but the music these kids listen to nowadays (yes, I am going grumpy old man here) is atrocious. No beat. No cadence. Nonsensical lyrics. I am sorry, Travis Scott is NOT an artist that has music worth hitting the dancefloor. As FE!N blared over the speakers, and I watched rhythmic challenged suburban kids bounce around like drunk kangaroos having a seizure, I frantically checked my watch praying the lights would come up. Overall, I represented for my daughter, and we looked good together. She had fun with her friends, so that is all that counts. However, next year, I am definitely dialing back the stylish threads.

Living Your Best Life – Just a Slice of Happiness

March 24, 2025 By in Best Life Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

This is my little slice of happiness – wrapping Christmas gifts. As I have grown older, wisdom has granted me the ability to understand that happiness, occasionally, requires intention. The simple act of intention allows you to specifically target areas in your life that afford joy and fulfillment. It is important to collect your thoughts to build a foundation for your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Your self-care definitely impacts your healthcare. Therefore, train your focus on activities that encourage a sense of reward, contentment, pride and personal development. One cannot be a mere spectator in the arena of happiness. To the contrary, one must be an active participant. Because, as much as we would love for happiness to be eagerly provided, sometimes, it must be actively sought. Recently, I wrapped a gift for my wife’s birthday. My children instantly recognized the wrapping and identified it as my work because I do the “best wrapped gifts”. That made me feel good inside. It felt good to know that what brings me joy has also left a joyful impression on my children. If you have not discovered what makes you happy; I strongly encourage you to look for it intently. And if you have discovered that slice of happiness for yourself; be greedy and go get some more!

Weight No Longer – The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly During My Weight Loss Journey

February 22, 2025 By in Culture Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

Well gentlemen, this was undoubtedly the lowest that my confidence had quietly plummeted. My self-esteem careened wildly over a cliff and exploded into an internal inferno within my heart. I was better than the man I recognized in the mirror with unfamiliarity. And yet, ironically in cruel fashion with the picture on the left, the requirement to employ a waistband extender to my slacks was not sufficient enough to spur an epiphany about my weight – I was dangerously overweight. I betrayed my body, and in turn my body was betraying me. Mysterious aches would greet me in the morning as I rose out of bed. I began to shy away from taking photographs. I was not inspired to attend events because I understood I would most likely need new, larger clothing. Because, sadly embarrassingly, I could no longer fit my old stylish threads. Fortunately, it took an unfortunate medical emergency during the summer of 2023 to kickstart my weight loss. My cardiologist was very blunt with his assessment: My life would most likely be cut short if I did not make the necessary health changes. To be sure, the journey has been challenging, but here I stand at 196 pounds after topping out at an unbelievable 315 pounds. I will most likely write about how I did it in a subsequent blog post. Today, however, I wanted to highlight the good, the bad, and the ugly along the way. Because, and the Lord knows it true, it was not easy.

The Ugly

  • A gentleman will soon realize that not everyone will be on board with the weight loss. Disclaimer, this is my personal account, so I want to be fully transparent. I have not had bariatric surgery, nor do I use GLP-1 drugs such as Ozempic or Wegovy. However, I have noticed a not so quiet criticism of individuals that do utilize such agents as a way to discredit or undermine their weight loss. Personally, I have been on the weight loss grind by walking, strength training, intermittent fasting, and eating healthier. That is what works best for me. If you are on a similar grind, some people may accuse you of employing the aforementioned weight loss methods. And that is between you, your family, and physician if that is case. Otherwise, just keep grinding and ignore the accusations. People can be seriously coldhearted nowadays, and if you are on a journey that is already taxing on your mind, body, & spirit; it’s important you surround yourself with positivity and well-intended support.

The Bad

  • Now, losing over 100 pounds has taken an insane amount of discipline. As an ardent lover of sweets, people just don’t realize how easy it is to go over the edge and spiral into indulgence. Sure, it may be easy for you to practice moderation, but for me it is eerily similar to an addict with sugar being my drug of choice. There is a reason why I ballooned to 315 pounds. A typical day could consist of a McDonald’s Big Breakfast with hotcakes and orange juice, Domino’s Garlic Parmesan Wings with Bacon & Jalapeno Stuffed Cheesy Bread for lunch, and a Beef Chalupa Supreme combination (soft taco & soft drink) with a Beans & Rice Burrito from Taco Bell to end the day. And that doesn’t include random treats during the day (Twinkies, sweet potato pie, chocolate brownies, donuts, chocolate cheesecake, etc.) and beverages (Gatorade, lemonade, grape juice, Pepsi, and Orange Sunkist). It’s really quite embarrassing to type that out for all to see. However, I need to convey that the struggle is quite real.  So, sometimes I cannot approach food with half-measures. A cheat day here, a cheat day there, a day off from the gym here, or a day off there can snowball into an avalanche fast. So, the involuntary side-eyes I receive when I am trying to make better choices or abstain from certain food choices can be a little irritating. You can feel the eyes zeroing in on your plate while you’re just minding your own business. People may caution you against becoming too small, and their heart may be in the right place, but the reality is they are probably just accustomed to seeing you overweight. Honestly, being “too small” is most likely the equivalent to just being a normal size – at least for me.
  • So, to reiterate, the self-discipline to do what it takes to lose weight will be off the charts. I mean, chocolate Twinkies are SO TASTY. Losing weight will require you to eat smaller meals and walking away from, albeit delicious, unhealthy sugar & fats. It will require going to the gym or walking when lounging on the couch feels so much better. You WILL get cravings. My gym is across the parking lot from JJ Fish & Chicken, and that aroma cascading through the air hits my nostrils like a savory sledgehammer. Fast food commercials will make your eyes widen and mouth water because McDonald’s is offering a double Fish Filet akin to a Big Mac or KFC’s newest monstrosity bowl of mashed potatoes, chicken, corn, and cheese sounds nauseatingly tempting. It requires staying the course when EVERYTHING you have done hits a plateau and your weight either does not budge or worst yet – even increases! Oh my, the times I wanted to say screw it and throw down with some warm chocolate brownies and French vanilla ice cream. You have to stay the course because…

The Good!

  • If I can stereotype men for a moment, we can become obsessed with performance. Be it competitive sports or any kind of competition for that matter, job responsibilities, or even in the arena of intimacy – we want, no, we need to perform our best. So, when a gentleman abuses his body in such a way that I did, ultimately performance in those arenas may suffer. Since losing a considerable amount of weight, I no longer wake up with aches and pains that I deceivingly blamed on aging. I no longer become winded during minor exertion such as walking up stairs. And for gentlemen of a certain age – listen closely because I am 48 years old – I am not proclaiming 20-year-old Dirk Diggler type performances, but strength training, walking, and eating right has done wonders for my stamina and fitness.
  • Also, my clothing just hits differently now. Never underestimate the power that a well put together outfit can do for confidence and self-esteem. I went to get myself measured by a tailor because I had not done so in many years. I was shocked at the measurements. My neck size decreased from 17.5 to 16. My waist decreased from 44 to 38. My suit jacket decreased from a 50R/50L to a 44R/44L – although a 46R/46L would probably be most comfortable. When the salesperson suggested a slim cut dress shirt to gauge the right fit, I immediately thought: No way I am getting into a slim cut dress shirt with a 16-inch collar. As soon as I saw myself in the mirror, I asked if I could go take a few pictures (above on the right) of myself. I could not believe my eyes! Gents, I am not ashamed to admit, I damn near cried during the car ride home. The personal accomplishment, the happiness was too real.
  • Now, let’s talk numbers, because true to form, it’s what on the inside that counts. During my checkup with my cardiologist, my vitals were as follows: blood pressure 110/77, total cholesterol reduced from 277 mg to 121 mg, LDL reduced from 219 mg to 77 mg, triglycerides reduced from 163 mg to 43 mg, and hemoglobin A1c reduced from 9.4 to 6.4. My HDL needs to be around 60 mg (mine was 43 mg), but my “bad” cholesterol numbers were great. Disclaimer: Due to bad genetics, I am on a statin. I have a rendezvous with my cardiologist and primary care physician in July. I cannot wait to show them all my hard work is continuing to pay dividends! And now, off to the gym I go!

Matters of the Heart – The Faithful Day That Compelled Me to Adopt a Healthier Lifestyle and Lose Weight

June 29, 2024 By in Life Tags: , , , 1 Comment

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Honestly, I do not know where to start this particular post as I look at the split photograph above. The contrast is visible jarring. It has definitely been quite the journey. I will be soon approaching the anniversary of a serious health scare that landed me in the hospital approximately a year ago. One summer evening, I was tirelessly working in the backyard when I encountered some stubborn weeds – burdock weeds to be exact. They were ridiculously humongous, and unbeknownst to me, their roots were insanely deep. With a bit of elbow grease, I surmised I could rip these unsightly, unwelcome visitors from the soil. However, they were embedded in the ground mightily, and with each Herculean yank, a piece of my soul seemingly left my body. I cannot recall how many weeds I was able to free from the ground, but I decided to call it an evening as it progressively became darker outside. We have been known to have rogue coyotes prance through backyards at night, and I seriously did not want a close encounter of the unwanted kind.

Physically exhausted, I sluggishly retreated to my couch to play some World War Z Aftermath on the PS5 to relax. However, I felt an uncomfortable heaviness in my chest. Now, it was not painful, it was just an irritating pressure that would not subside. I thought perhaps it was gas and I needed a vigorous belch. I tried to get comfortable, but I just could not find a cozy position. Frustrated, I then retreated to the bedroom to sleep it off – maybe I strained a pectoral muscle with all the previous tugging. Still, I could not find a comfortable position. I tossed. I turned, but nothing helped. Now my mind was racing to worse case scenarios. I have a history of cardiovascular disease in my family with more than a few deaths due to heart attack or stroke. Taking my age, family history, and physical shape into account; I decided now was not the time to be too proud and ignore any warning signs.

Admittedly, my next series of actions were questionable. I prepared my kid’s lunches for the following morning (it was between 1 a.m. & 2 a.m. I think), woke my wife up to explain the situation, and then drove myself to the emergency room. Okay – you can let me have it in the comment section. However, I truly did not feel as if I was in any medical distress. Once I was settled in the emergency room; all of the preliminary tests (EKG & bloodwork to detect markers for a heart attack) were fine. The nurse thought I’d be going home in the next few hours. Great, I would be back home to get breakfast started and see the kids off to school. Nope. Big nope. The on-call physician wanted more tests. After being tortured by the ER nurse who could not find a vein, I settled into my ER bed quite angry. Sidenote: If a nurse needs a vein finder thingy doohickie to locate your veins – ask for another nurse. I have never experienced that much pain in my life as a needle was jammed into my arm in a desperate attempt to start an IV. I’m a nice chocolate gentleman, but I can still see a faint bruise at the insertion site to this day. Thanks Stephen.

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Due to family history and my symptoms, the on-call physician wanted to examine me further before releasing me home. And so, I was wheeled away for a CTA (computed tomography angiography) to determine any funny business going on within my arteries. The results: 50-70% blockage in one of my coronary arteries. WTF?! I swear I cried for an hour straight. I stent was in my future. My mind was racing. I needed to see my children. I needed to be home. WTF?! Making calls to my wife and family were devastating. I had NEVER been hospitalized EVER. So now was the waiting game. I had to be admitted and I had to be scheduled for a cardiac catheterization to determine the best approach for stenting. The next day or so was tense. I was very much afraid. I was also deeply disappointed in myself for putting my loved ones through so much worry.

The procedure itself was a breeze. I was placed under mild sedation and given a local anesthetic; it lasted perhaps 20 minutes. I was a little loopy, but I could hear my cardiologist speaking with the nurses in the room. A miracle. I could hear him tell the room that the blockage was not bad, and a stent was not required. The blockage was more around 30% instead of the initial findings. I was overjoyed. And then my cardiologist had a frank conversation with me. I needed a lifestyle change, or next time, there would be no next time. My cholesterol was sky high, and so was my blood sugar. I never weighed myself at home. So, when the nurse wrote 139 kg on the white board inside my patient room, I was curious regarding what that equated to in pounds. Well, it converts to 307 pounds. WTF?!

The patient in the adjacent bed clocked in at around 500 pounds. He had severe sleep apnea, so he would wake up screaming when he stopped breathing. He vomited in the bed. Somehow, he yanked his IV line out and bled all over the sheets. Due to his size and inability to be mobile, he had to urinate in a basin. I could not sleep. I asked the charge nurse to pretty please change my room. However, the remaining rooms had all female occupants. And the last room had a single that was prone to violence. So, the choices were waking up to a crazed patient trying to kill me or stay with the pleasant sounds of screaming, snoring, vomiting, and peeing. I slept as best I could with headphones. Talk about a medical version of Scared Straight. I resigned myself to change.

Now, I will probably write another post regarding how I landed at my current weight – 214 pounds. Yes, I have lost over 90 pounds in a little less than a year. It has not been easy – not at all. The first glance at the gym mirror was so depressing. How did I allow myself to get this way? Losing weight felt like an impossible task. Nevertheless, we all have to start somewhere. I went on Amazon and bought a bevy of shirts to psyche myself up for each gym session. Thus far, I have reduced my blood sugar (back to recommended levels) without the aid of medication, reduce my cholesterol (still need meds because of these damn genetics), increase my overall energy, and look good in my suits again! It has been a struggle of a journey. But I’m still here y’all. And hopefully I can stick around a little while longer.

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What I Am Rocking Nowadays – Brooks Brothers Henry the Sheep Graphic Sweatshirt

February 24, 2024 By in Life, Style & Substance, What I'm Wearing Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

wp-17038147131765754874386596539114Nowadays, this is what life as a father looks like for me. I am a gentleman of a certain age and grace that now resides in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. My beard is markedly adorned with dignified speckles of white and grey now. My woeful hairline retreated from battle decades ago. My children are growing older now, and Father Time did not sit idly by on my behalf. School events are becoming plentiful, and it is important a father attempt to attend as many as humanly possible. Therefore, school events beg for a presentation from a gentleman that looks the part of a parent. I have always reasoned with myself that I would not be the guy in his 40s foolishly attempting to look like a guy in his 20s. Hello Cliff Huxtable sweaters. Now, I was able to purchase this graphic fleece sweatshirt from Brooks Brothers on a substantial seasonal sale. The goal was to juxtapose a lighthearted, fashionable centerpiece with my otherwise serious demeanor.

An unserious, quirky sweatshirt; I have been able to rediscover and renew my creative personality traits after shedding over 70 pounds. I had a serious health scare back in July 2023, and I have been on the challenging road to improve my health. I will probably write about the experience in later posts. For now, I am enjoying clothing again and expressing my personality through my personal style. Layered over a button up shirt, this sweatshirt was definitely a conversation starter. I signed up to volunteer at my daughter’s school’s open house, and my Henry the Sheep top elicited a lot of compliments and questions. I paired the top with some Mugsy jeans, a Paul Stuart corduroy cap, and Sperry boots – all items middle-aged father approved. I have a few more sweaters I am waiting to rock in the future, and it appears the weather is going to present ample opportunities to sport them. Now, these types of sweaters are definitely not for everyone. You cannot take yourself too seriously, and you need to come to terms with an advancing age that pleads for suitable attire. I’m good on both accounts.

Living Your Best Life – Giving It the Best That You Got – Finding Joy

December 28, 2023 By in Life Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

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An important component to parenting is the level of effort one expends to be engaged with one’s offspring. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked why I took the time to wrap Christmas gifts in such a fancy manner. Ultimately, the gift wrap would be hastily torn to shreds anyway. He did not really understand the reason for it all. And that is a fair question to pose. Well, there are two primary reasons why I decide to take the time to gift wrap items with a little extra flair. Now, it may be a cliche sentiment, but it really is the thought that matters. Somewhere in my children’s subconscious thoughts, I hope they are developing a deep appreciation and thankfulness for their father’s engagement. Years and years from now, it is my hope that I have created special memories they can recall when they are older. I want them to remember that during their formative childhood years; their father was an involved father. I feel overwhelming pride knowing that I am trying my best.

wp-17037497823152356965055761133696So, sure the little ones (I suppose they are not so little now) tear through their gifts like Tasmanian devils, but it well worth the effort to have a beautiful Christmas tree presentation with a colorful medley of decorative gifts underneath. My son even tagged along with me as we visited Michaels and Target to procure the necessary items to create a Palmer Winter Wonderland in the house. Hopefully, he is learning some lessons along the way. We did not purchase anything too ornate or spectacular, but the purchases enhanced the holiday spirit around the house.

wp-17037497826143480946093318733622The secondary reason for going the extra mile with gift wrapping affects me directly. Given that I do not have any harmful vices that would produce pleasure, but are nonetheless destructive, I am left to seek out positive outlets to trigger beneficial dopamine releases. Dopamine is an organic chemical that affects areas of the brain associated with temporary feelings of satisfaction, motivation, pleasure, and happiness. Therefore, it is common to find me in the yard during the summer tending to the family garden and mowing the lawn. The reward for the fruits of my labor is a great sense of accomplishment and pride. I never thought I would be that guy, but spending time out with nature and nurturing plant life is truly rewarding. Nowadays, I am always on the lookout for a project that elicits some inkling of happiness. 

wp-17037962854744167442503024111754Honestly, I would be dishonest if I said every aspect of my life was perfect and happy. No, unfortunately, that is simply not the case. Life can be indiscriminately unforgiving. Some days are really challenging. So, I wholeheartedly try to utilize every tool in my well-being toolbox to achieve as much balance as possible. The present above is one that really brought a smile to my face. The wrapping paper was heavier than the normal, standard variety one would purchase. The grayish blue surface was speckled with a glitter-like, grainy touch. It almost has a shimmer to it. It was simple, yet elegant. I used some excess paper to make a little bow which I affixed to the box with rustic piece of Christmas twine and bell. It’s amazing the sense of peace I feel as I fold, cut, tie, and tape my way to a finished project. I was really pleased with the results, and every time I saw it underneath the tree, I smiled inside with warm pride.

  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #1 – Identify an activity that engages and brings happiness to the life of another person(s). 
  • Gentlemen’s Best Life Challenge #2 – Identify an activity that brings personal contentment and a sense of accomplishment with yourself.

 

 

The Standard #60

October 21, 2023 By in Standard Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

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On the arduous, sometimes uneven path of a gentleman’s life, it is paramount to remain firmly grounded in gratitude. Trust and truly believe: Tribulation must be tempered by sincere thankfulness. Afterall, life’s journey can be wrought with pain, sadness, and an uncertainty that can methodically erode one’s spirit – if one’s fortitude lacks the necessary strength to allow it. Now, it is important to be mindful that during this continuous journey, a gentleman’s thoughts become a loyal, steadfast companion. And when adversity wounds the spirit, those thoughts stubbornly can bind to mental and emotional hurt. It is an unhealthy marriage of pain and familiarity.

Because, when hurt is intense and intimate, sometimes we subconsciously cling to events that aggrieve us the most. It is a perplexing, discomforting comfort. However, preoccupation with past pain can prohibit a productive future and preclude a pleasing present. Life is too important, too deceivingly fleeting to sacrifice energy on the altar of regret and woe. The blessings of today beg much-required attention. Today, compile a list of things/events that require praise and thanks. And so, when life presents challenges or your thoughts drift away to revisit sadness, refer to your list to offer levity, clarity, and balance. Lift up your heart with graciousness and celebrate the life you deserve.

Black Thought

November 26, 2019 By in Black Thought Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

“The rich man who achieves a degree of greatness achieves it not because he hoards his wealth, but because he gives it away in the interest of good causes.”

-Benjamin Mays

A thoughtful gentleman clearly understands that his blessings are not of his own. His success is not a singular possession that lays clenched in miserly hands. He logically comprehends that he cannot exist as an insular entity-isolated from his community. No, his true greatness is predicated on charity and service to his community. His wealth, not necessarily in monetary terms, must be distributed to those who would definitely benefit the most. Blessed to be a blessing, a gentleman enjoys watching others thrive and succeed. He possesses no stock in watching others fail. Succeed as a collective, or fail separately. The choice is clear. It is imperative to use one’s wealth of knowledge, or wealth of finance to better those around you. Pay good fortune forward. Tutor. Volunteer. Donate some business clothes to someone in need. Today, someone is in need of your help. Heed the call. Give back!