The old saying is slightly cliche, however, health is most certainly wealth. And to be certain, a gentleman’s health encompasses many facets representing the mind, body, and spirit. Now, the reference to wealth is not necessarily bound to the accumulation of monetary assets. Rather, in this context, it is the abundance and value of his personal human capital. It is human capital comprised of the aforementioned mind, body, and spirit. It is a gentleman’s responsibility to allot the proper care, resources, and management toward these three key areas. Being a good steward for one’s health and well-being should not be viewed as a complicated, fussy exercise. Simply, self-care should be intentional activities that encourage positive effects on your well-being.
For example, two weeks ago, I unexpectedly found myself temporarily freed from the duties of being a father and husband. Cognizant of the fleeting time I possessed, I escaped away to a local shopping mall. Once there, I treated myself to a good movie (The Fantastic Four) and procured a jazzy David Donahue necktie on sale for an incredibly low $33.00 – marked down from $135.00. I have a deep affinity in my heart for neckties. One could argue that I own too many (do not ask). Nevertheless, some gentlemen collect watches, others have tastes for fine liquor, and many others love cars. I on the other hand gravitate to the beauty of a lovely necktie. I like the feel of different fabrics, as well as looking at the beauty of diverse colors and decorative patterns.
The necktie pictured above boasts a rich, beautiful hue of plum that will pair nicely with either a lavender, pink, or solid white dress shirt. The necktie’s abstract, geometric pattern can playfully complement any conservative leaning dress shirt -think solid or striped- that hangs in a gentleman’s closet. The 100% woven silk adds subtle texture and a medium weight that is sure to guarantee an exquisite dimple along with a graceful drape. It was a great afternoon. If but for a few hours, I was able to enjoy the temporary emancipation from life’s demands. And when your plate is a full course meal of requests, problems, and conflicts that require a substantial amount of personal attention – it can be exceedingly overwhelming. Therefore, it is imperative that one carves out time to introduce calm into chaos. It can be as simple as a movie and necktie. Be well and be the first to put yourself first.
To be certain, the respectable gentleman embraces a core principle of accountability. Now, when defining accountability, we understand it to be ownership of one’s actions and its subsequent outcomes whether it is positive or negative. Moreover, we understand that it is easier to embrace positive outcomes; those are of course more rewarding. However, unfavorable consequences challenge a gentleman to address his imperfections, failures, and transgressions. The exercise can be profoundly uncomfortable, yet it is an exercise that must be performed, nonetheless. Fleeing accountability is not some newfangled, novel notion of neglect. However, it seems as if individuals are currently abdicating responsibility at a breakneck pace. When dealing with transgressions, an essential component of accountability is acknowledging one’s role in the matter and learning from it. However, wisdom and knowledge cannot be gleaned from a lesson if the student skips the test. For the constitution of his character is clearly conveyed through a crucible of courage confessing culpability and contrition. A gentleman does not project anger, redirect faults, or offer empty excuses for his conduct. A gentleman’s objective is clear: admission, apology, and assiduous atonement. Adopt those standards to become a better gentleman, and moreover, a better human being.
Our family has officially entered the era of continuous school events and/or recreational activities; it is never-ending cycle of hustle and bustle. Today, I wanted to share a highlight from one of those events – a poetry slam from my daughter’s school. Yes, this gentleman has gotten old. I vividly remember writing about her when she was born many, many years. Well, it seemingly feels that long. It has been long enough for her to discover my blog on the Internet and actually read about my documented adventures as a new father. I digress, she wrote many poems that were captured in her book of poems, but I thought this particular one captured her thoughtful and caring demeanor. I encourage her to write down her thoughts more often, but it is a constant battle with those pesky tablets. Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Keep Going
When things get rough, you have to toughen up When you are sad, it is okay to cry And sometimes find a quiet place to hide
When I lost my dog Lindsay It was easy to say Every day would never be the same
We had our moments, and that's okay Every day is a new day For the people that supported me - thank you
When she fell in front of me and went to sleep I thought I would never play for another day
But Lindsay would want me to keep going We love you Lindsay You were great for all of your days
Certainly, an idle mind can be the devil’s workshop. When a gentleman is not intentional or productive with his time, his mind may aimlessly drift into thoughts that lead into harmful vices, negative thoughts, or destructive actions. To be sure, time is a sacred commodity. And a gentleman should be a responsible steward of his time and focus. Devote your attention to matters that reinforce your purpose and add value to your life. The superficial cesspool of social media, sobering reality of current events, and general messy housekeeping of life can be draining and guide you down a toxic path. Instead, strive to connect yourself with the fruits of an abundant life and strong sense of self. The reward is more gratifying and fulfilling.
The plant pictured above was dying. My wife wanted to sentence it to a final resting place amongst our yard waste for weekly pickup. However, I wanted to challenge myself, and I was convinced that with a little attention and nurturing, it could thrive once again. Faint hues of green in the stems gave me a modicum of hope. So, I meticulously snipped away the dead parts and commenced the process of plant restoration. Two months into the Operation Lazarus has yielded beautiful results. Brown, decaying leaves have been replaced by healthy, vibrant green ones. When I pass it during my daily comings and goings, I am filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment Whether the task is large or small, I challenge you to occupy your time with a constructive task that presents both a challenge and reward. Give yourself purpose, utilize your time wisely, and focus on the best you.
You simply are not allowed to speak your peace or offer insight. In vain, you attempt to conjure the right words, but you are cut off or talked over. Sometimes, the other person is just talking a mile per minute. From time to time, you may encounter a belligerent colleague that just will not allow you to get a word in edgewise. You may also encounter a verbose colleague that monopolizes all of the oxygen in the room. The atmosphere may be tense, and they are determined to drive their point. You may feel frustration or exasperation. If you experience either scenario, please feel free to use the following sentences: You have to give me the opportunity to speak. If we are going to have a constructive conversation, and have a meaningful exchange of opinion or ideas, I must have the opportunity to add to the dialogue.
Now, everyone’s situation is going to vary, so I would humbly suggest you take my recommended verbiage and tailor it to fit your own specific circumstances. Your delivery should be calm, reserved, and definitely firm. Your tone should be serious. It should be worth noting that you may need to reiterate your point a few times. Some individuals will attempt to argue you into the ground. You must remain married to your talking points and not stray off course. And if you still cannot get a word in – terminate the conversation. There is no need to talk in meaningless circles. Your parting word should be your last word. And your parting word should look like the following: When you are prepared to have a substantive discussion, and I am an active participant, we can certainly reconvene the conversation. Have a nice day.
When a team meeting begins an unexpected downward spiral into chaos and negativity, as a leader in management, one must never hesitate to utilize one’s authority to shut it down – immediately. And as a leader with direct reports, managing a medley of personalities can be quite challenging. Naturally employees will have team disagreements; that is to be expected as no two individuals are exactly alike. However, when difference of opinion devolves into disruption and disrespect, the resulting disorder can adversely affect team productivity and morale. Being a leader, one must have the foresight to identify potential conflict and strategically diffuse the situation before it escalates. The power of foresight can only be attained through hardened experience; there is no course or training that will prepare you for the variables of human behavior. I have endured through trial and error. I want to share some of my insight with you. Here are a few warning signs that your meeting may fly off the rails.
First of all, well, your silent alarm should be blaring when a colleague starts their sentence with “first of all”. Said colleague is about to launch into a lengthy diatribe complete with examples and key grievances – bullet point by bullet point.
A leader must be cognizant of inflammatory language and trigger expressions. When a colleague starts using accusatory language with a belittling tone, the recipient of the incoming fire will become defensive and will most likely reciprocate the sentiment. You never, you always, you should, or why don’t you are leading subjects generally delivered in a chastising manner. Calling attention to another colleague’s faults and errors, either aggressively or passive aggressively, is extremely toxic to the work environment. When a colleague’s work ethic or performance is being critiqued in full view of the entire team – by a non-leader – it will not be received kindly.
Everyone makes mistakes. Be leery of the colleague that chastises fellow employees while presenting themselves as the paragon of work perfection. And this self-appreciation is usually contrasted with a fellow employee as described in the previous bullet point.
When colleagues constantly interrupt one another and talk over each other, they are effectively ineffective with their listening comprehension.
A leader must also be aware of body language. The folded arms, the scowl, the pursed lips, the heavy sighs, the eye rolls, and I could go on and on.
So, as a combustible cauldron of chaos is being stirred with hostile intent, it is your duty to quell any disorder before it explodes into professional bedlam. What we do not want is a Lord of the Flies scenario in the workplace. So, what do you do? First, you must be calm and measured. You must be the voice of reason and pragmatism. Sensing potential conflict, you must insert yourself between quarreling colleagues to prevent them from launching verbal missiles at each other. Your voice must be the most dominant in the room. And dominant does not mean yelling. It should be firm, resolute, and steady. Table the discussion and direct the team that any unresolved issues will be taken offline. You should assert that bickering does not add value and is not constructive usage of everyone’s time. And when all else fails, remember as a leader in management, you can leverage the power of corrective action. Correction actions can be a pain to implement, but allowing discord to fester can quickly disrupt team dynamics. Shut it down as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
Sometimes when I drive to Planet Fitness, before I exit my vehicle with a punishing session of strength training awaiting, I slowly recline my seat and thoughtfully absorb the quiet. It is an unexpected serenity. Alone in vehicle’s cabin (a Kia Telluride), I may cue up the Sounds of Nature feature in the infotainment center – Rainy Day and Warm Fireplace are my favorites. Deep in my solitude, it has not been uncommon for me to fall into a gentle slumber. I quiet my mind and filter the noise of the bustling day. Sometimes I sit on my porch, gentle swaying frontward and backward in my rocking chair, as I treat my senses to the aromatic fragrance of my rose bush or playful color of my periwinkle. Family, friends, work, and life in general can silently clutter a gentleman’s mental and emotional space. Never hesitate to free yourself from that which anchors your spirit; offer yourself a much-needed respite from the confusion and chaos. And despite the thinly veiled or outright naked criticism, be unapologetic when guarding and defending your peace. Your well-being deservedly deserves better.
Today, numerous posts regarding Father’s Day will reflect upon the magnificent triumphs of fatherhood, or the profound gratitude expressed for the sacred opportunity to raise a child. I wanted to write something slightly different. Sure, a thoughtful inspection of a gentleman’s social media content would project a portrait of nobility, compassion, strength, and dutiful sacrifice – mine included. However, no one is above imperfection, and that includes me. Yes, I am quiet and mild-mannered, but my temper can flare terribly given certain circumstances. And, as my years on Earth have grown longer, conversely my patience is seriously shorter. So, when my annoyance and irritation has reached critical mass, I silently retreat within myself and shutdown. And I can elevate my voice to intimidating, frightening decibels.
I am, nevertheless, human. I make the common error of bottling my emotions. So, when stress and anxiety build, my emotions detonate. Still, I tend to believe there are more than enough rewarding attributes I encompass than the negative ones. I add meaningful value to the lives of people around me. And it is my hope that the best of me is what is most impactful in my children’s lives. There are a multitude of parenting books on the market, but parenthood is really on the job training. And on occasion, when even functioning as the most well-meaning father, we sometimes come up short. We just need to keep striving; we need to show up as the best version of ourselves for our kids. Today, I wanted to share my shortcomings, how I am improving, and examples of areas where I do feel accomplished as a dad.
I was born in the inner city of Detroit, Michigan – single mother household with two younger brothers. Our family did not have much; government assistance and grandparents aided us. We probably lived below or at the poverty level, but we never wanted for anything. You cannot want what you never had, nor want what you never heard of. Life was simple. Life was relatively happy. So, with that frame of mind, it has been difficult for me to view current times through my children’s eyes. Life is much different for them. Juxtaposed with my generation, I am challenged to adapt to their world. Let us talk the basics of life for them: two working-parent home, a house in a safe neighborhood, great schools, food on tap in the refrigerator, clothing in the closet, healthcare, etc. And now the extras: vacations, special school programs, electronic gadgets, fine dining, etc.
Now, I know that may even be basic to many of you, but again with my upbringing, a trip to Boblo Island and dinner from McDonald’s was a TREAT! In my early childhood, we had: one black & white TV (special shout out to those who needed pliers to turn the channel because the TV knob was stripped), received food from Focus: Hope, wore knockoff clothing (shout out to Pro Wings sneakers and Goodfellows), received food stamps & Medicaid, and lived in residences with pest issues. So, when my kids pout, express a negative attitude, or display poor behavior (especially in school); I cannot wrap my brain around it. Their life with all the bells and whistles should equal gratitude – at least in my mind. You must understand how my upbringing molded my thinking. So, when a parent’s efforts and sacrifice to provide more than their own childhood is seemingly not appreciated, well, we have reached critical mass. In addition, if you consider my work-life balance is not truly balanced; a day of absorbing the shenanigans of coworkers has me on edge. At the end of the workday, my mental and emotional tank is empty. I lose my cool. I get angry. I yell. I have popped a bottom or two.
Now, growing up in a household with only brothers, little emotion was expressed. Our mother loved us, but our mother was stern. She was no nonsense. She handed down discipline the old-fashioned way. I do not believe that “gentle parenting” was even a thing back in the eighties. However, raising three boys in Detroit, I can understand why she tended to be tough on us. Life in Detroit at that time was unforgiving. My mother did her absolute best to keep us safe, healthy, well-mannered, and educated. All three of us grew up as successful, productive African American males with good jobs, families of our own, never in trouble with the law, no drug use, etc. You can say all three of us are conservative gentlemen. Shout out to my brothers Michael and Raymond.
However, growing up in that stern environment shaped my personality today. There is not much fluff with me. I can deal with emotions, but sometimes I cannot relate to them. I am an introvert, so I do not talk much unless I am comfortable around you. People have told me I am hard to read. People have said I am anti-social. I am stoic. And so, I tend to be the disciplinarian in our household. I am the hammer in the parental tool bag when discipline and order need to be driven home. As a parent, I know my kids fear me to a certain degree. If they are disobeying my wife, and they hear my footsteps, a hasty scurry ensues as they course correct and retreat to what they should be doing. If they are being chastised, they peer over her shoulder and look in my direction. Sometimes, I need to be order to the chaos, and deep down I hate it. It is mentally exhausting as you either mete out punishment or deliver an unfavorable decision. I fear my kids will harbor resentment toward me. It absolutely crushes my spirit when a scolding is required. It is a delicate balancing act – deliver enough discipline to correct behavior, but not so much where they hold disdain and shut you out.
Fatherhood is a heavy weight to shoulder. I want to do what is best for my children, but sometimes you second-guess your parental decisions. No generation is perfect. So, you try not to pass down any trauma from your upbringing and unknowingly instill it within them. I have no ill will toward my father. But I must believe that I am doing a little better than him. I am a working father fully present in my children’s lives. Alcoholism and domestic abuse did not carry over into the man I am today. I iron school clothes. I fix breakfast. I pack school snacks. I decorate the house for Halloween and Christmas. I attend every school event possible. I help with homework. I do school projects. I volunteer at the school. Packed into a week and a half: I dropped off & picked up my daughter for play rehearsal, decorated the house for my son’s birthday, attended all three nights of my daughter’s play sitting front row, and chaperoned at her school dance. I have to believe I am doing a little better than my father before me, and maybe even my paternal grandfather I never met.
However, I recount the times I had to speak to my son’s teacher nearly every day due to his behavior in the classroom. Grades were never an issue; it was following classroom rules that was a problem. I dreaded picking him up from school because the likelihood of speaking to his teacher was high. A conduct chart was posted near the classroom door. And as I slowly, anxiously walked down the hallway with that chart coming into view, I could see he was at the bottom, in the red region – again. Lord. The motivational, inspirational pep talks I conjured up every morning on the car ride to school would seemingly fall on deaf ears- for nearly three years. It was mentally and emotionally taxing. And so, I yelled. I took toys. I popped a bottom. And then more pep talks. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Thankfully, he is much better today. However, for whatever reason, my daughter started slacking in her schoolwork. Lord – now this. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I am just trying to get this fatherhood thing right. I am trying not to react with anger. I am trying to talk quietly, yet firmly. I do not pop bottoms anymore. Instead, I take away allowance, take away electronic devices, or ask for push-ups. I am trying to be a better father. How so? What am I doing?
For Your Kids
Keep showing up and be fully present for your kids. Go to those school events. Volunteer and represent for them.
Be hands-on when you have availability. Help them with homework. Read to them. Read with them. Watch educational programming and discuss the content. Teach them something. Take them to a museum, a zoo, or local event.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I will call the kids down into my home office just to talk about what is going on in their life and life topics in general. I do not sugarcoat anything. We have had discussions about drugs, bad influences, racism, adults that prey on children, adult content online, the dangers of social media – you name it, we talk about it. I recently had a conversation about boys and crushes with my daughter. Lord, please grant me strength.
To be sure, you will need to reprimand your kids. Nevertheless, do not forget to express love to them, and express your pride in them.
And when they mess up, sometimes it is okay to give them a pass. Like a police officer catching you speeding but happened to be in a kind mood that day; you can let your kids off with a warning. Hopefully, that goodwill builds trust over time.
For Yourself
Therapy. Yes. I have a coach to hold me accountable for my health. I have a therapist to keep me grounded and structured in my well-being. A gentleman’s selfcare and mental health is important.
I go for long walks. I go for short walks. Regardless of either, I walk. It is good for your health, both physically and mentally. It is a time I quiet my mind, brainstorm, and just think about life in general.
You need to go to the gym and lift something heavy. And by heavy, I mean heavy relative to your strength. No? Well, knock out some push-ups, free squats, sit-ups, jumping jacks, I do not really care. Just get moving and get active! It clears the mind, reduces stress, and provides a sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes you cannot call your therapist in the middle of the night. You need to get yourself a trusted confidant. And no, not the friend that will just spew the toxic nonsense you read online. You need someone trustworthy that will listen intently and offer wise counsel.
Offer yourself grace. You are human and you are going to mess up. You will not be perfect all the time. Failure is not failure in and of itself, failure is abandoning the pursuit of success. So, do not get down on yourself, continue to pursue greatness for yourself and your family. And hopefully, your kids will be a little better than you.
Salute to all the fathers out there just trying to do right by their family. Happy Father’s Day.
Valentine’s Day project. Stayed up past midnight. And packed candy bags. Oh yeah, ya man has skills.
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To be sure, I am certainly not the same gentleman I was thirty years ago – at least not in the physical sense. My years of youthful virility are slowly disappearing in the rearview of my life. My body’s check engine light sporadically illuminates as mysterious aches and pains quietly arrive unannounced. My creaky joints are a touch stiffer, reflexes are a shade slower, and small regions in my beard are producing hues of eggshell white. And to add insult to emotional injury: My son just beat me in a game of H-O-R-S-E with three midrange jump shots with his eyes closed. The rascal peeked no doubt; he is no Michael Jordan. I digress; this brother is aging. Now, I can either go kicking and screaming, or I can accept the reality that Father Time comes for us all. I have determined that I will not be that older gentleman that is blind to the inevitable, stark reality: Father Time is undefeated.
That brings me to today’s post. A few months ago, my wife and I were invited to a birthday celebration. As I began to assemble my outfit, I thought about the type of crowd that would be in attendance. I figured guests would be around the same age as the birthday couple. Now, ten years may not seem like a huge differential as it pertains to age groups, but one would be amazed how much change can transpire within a decade. And for reference, I am North of 40 years old. Quick aside: During my high school years, one of my uncles considered himself the consummate playboy. He was a handsome gentleman with an abundance of charisma to spare. However, as he grew older, his advancing age did not match his youthful presentation. I love the guy, but as years passed, it was obvious he was attempting to prolong his glory years. Not me. I do not have the desire to be the 50-year-old gentleman that dresses like he is 30 years younger. The outfit may whisper young adult, but the vanishing hairline and gray beard screams, “Get off my lawn!”
Nevertheless, I am wise, and there is no reason to compete with men decades my junior. I realize that a gentleman can still present himself with grace and polish without the appearance of desperately clinging to days gone by. There are simply too many stylish options at a guy’s disposal to not look fantastic. So, what do I do? For a semi-formal occasion, I still lean into a trustworthy, dark navy suit anchored by a mature necktie, an elegant pocket square, and sharp-looking dress shoes. If navy is not an option, I would reach for a charcoal grey one. If I am feeling a little saucy, and I do not want to present as too stodgy, I will opt for a dress shirt with either an interesting pattern or unconventional color to make the look pop.
On this evening, I chose a blue/white dress shirt with a small repeating diamond print, complemented by the minimalist vibe of my conservatively striped dark navy necktie. The suit was dark navy. My shoes were black cap-toe oxfords. I rounded out the look with a fanciful flower lapel and topped off by a gentleman’s crown – in this case my Bailey. Side note: I have unapologetically embraced the exercise of wearing hats as a part of my ensemble. It should be an item in everyone older gent’s starter pack. With my now salt & pepper beard, I carry the look off well. Not pictured here, but I did decide to rock blue paisley socks. Nevertheless, my sartorial selections were rightly indicative of this stage in my life – intelligently grown-up with just enough playful interest to garner quiet respect. Call it my midlife stylish phase. When I looked at a picture from that night, I could not help but recognize how I have aged. But I look handsome and distinguished. And I am cool with that.
Humility. The intentional act of possessing a modest opinion of one’s importance and practicing an honest self-awareness of one’s abilities. The gentleman understands the complexities of life and accepts the reality that other individuals may excel in areas he may not. Humility also demands a quiet acknowledgement of one’s strengths while resisting the desire to judge, belittle, or disparage others. To be sure, humility demands thought and responsibility. A gentleman should not be influenced by the wayward musings of individuals intoxicated by the arrogance of their own ignorance. So enamored by their perceived greatness; said individuals cannot fathom or recognize the potential shortcomings of self.
However, in the governance of life, a gentleman must be cognizant of faults and limitations. And there is absolutely no shame in that. One must understand that embracing humility does not make one weak. On the contrary, humility projects a quiet and admirable strength. It is the resolute confidence of oneself absent vanity that keeps you grounded. It keeps you focused on the more important things in life, and not a preoccupation with self-aggrandizement. The folly of arrogance is an exercise for fools. Just keep living and life will eventually happen to you. And life can be the greatest administrator of humility. Recognize your position in life, and even if your station ranks well above others, discipline yourself in humility. A humble gentleman is a paragon of inspiration, encouragement, and is wholly faithful to serving his fellow man.
So, it is safe to classify the following circumstances as a forgivable miss by good old Dad here. The evening event was advertised as a school dance. It was simple enough. Now, perhaps, I did not carefully read the information contained in the school e-mail as required. Perhaps, I was too excited to embarrass my child on the dance floor with the old man cutting a rug. Nonetheless, I obviously overlooked the fine print regarding the dress code for the evening event. And nowadays, I admittedly embrace the opportunity to slide into stylish threads given the years spent hiding in oversized clothing.
And so, about a month prior to the dance, lessons commenced in the family room to correct my daughter’s two left feet. I carefully curated songs from the 80s and 90s to serve up the appropriate vibe. Once we mastered the simple two step as our foundation, we were good to go. Next, I accepted the mission of procuring outfits for us both with hues of pink and purple as our core colors. I found a cute dress for my daughter at Von Maur. I procured accompanying stockings and shoes from Target. With the school dance one month away, we were ready to show up and show out. Imagine my shock as we pulled into the parking lot; kids were dressed to impress in tee shirts, shorts, and jogging pants.
With exasperation, Ava sighed, “We were supposed to be dressed for a neon lights party.” In other words, this was not the glitzy, formal affair that I envisioned in my bald cranium. Nevertheless, I reassured Ava that without any doubt, we would be the best dressed tandem at the dance. She could still accessorize her outfit with neon paraphernalia and still embody the central theme for the night. We walked past a few parents I recognized, as they chuckled at my newcomer mistake, and they confirmed that this was a dance truly for the kids. However, that irony was not lost on me because this was anything but a dance.
To utilize the word dance to describe the event would be to use the word dance loosely. Rather, it was much more like a mosh pit of flailing limbs with all the coordination of a baby giraffe learning to walk – stuck on repeat. Amongst the arrhythmic chaos, small groups of boys decided that the auditorium was an indoor playground. They chased each other around, tossed party favors at one another, and wrestled around on the floor. I had to break up two scuffles. As a chaperon, Dad was recruited to guard the stage because hard-headed kids kept bum-rushing the stage and accosting the DJ with requests. Eventually they destroyed the neon lights party sign.
Through it all, I did not even get a chance to dance with my daughter. Honestly, I do not believe I would have been granted the opportunity because the music was warm dumpster juice on a hot, muggy afternoon. Now, I am not blaming the DJ, but the music these kids listen to nowadays (yes, I am going grumpy old man here) is atrocious. No beat. No cadence. Nonsensical lyrics. I am sorry, Travis Scott is NOT an artist that has music worth hitting the dancefloor. As FE!N blared over the speakers, and I watched rhythmic challenged suburban kids bounce around like drunk kangaroos having a seizure, I frantically checked my watch praying the lights would come up. Overall, I represented for my daughter, and we looked good together. She had fun with her friends, so that is all that counts. However, next year, I am definitely dialing back the stylish threads.
There is something to be said about the contemporary gentleman that grants thoughtful attention to his appearance, or at the bare minimum, conveys the impression that he gives a subtle damn about it. Generally speaking, a man will direct his focus on garments that are decidedly most visible: shirt/sweater, pants, and footwear. Simple. A gentleman’s socks, on the other hand, are quite the distant afterthought. Your hosiery deserves a lot better; don’t you agree? Your standard collection of solid blue, brown, and black socks are rightly exhausted, and a gentle refresh is definitely in order. As we have transitioned into spring with summer steadily on the horizon, a gentleman’s options are plentiful with colorful & patterned socks in stock and at the ready for purchase.
So, why should a gentleman elect to employ the services of a pair of seemingly garish hosiery about the ankles? Short and sweet answer: personality. You can quietly, smartly distinguish yourself from the homogenous masses. Allow me to recount a true story for the audience. One day, I was walking around a local mall on my lunchbreak, and I crossed paths with a former colleague from many years ago. After exchanging pleasantries and inquiring about one another’s families, she playfully commanded me to show her my socks. Sheepishly I raised the hem of a pants leg to reveal my sock selection for the day. I do not remember what I was wearing, but I do remember that she nodded with approval and complimented me for staying stylish.
The sartorial exercise is not terribly difficult to execute. As a simple rule of thumb, especially when the occasion is informal, I attempt to not match my socks with my trousers. Instead, I coordinate my socks with a top, necktie, or pocket square. And on the occasion when that is not a possibility, I aim for a lighter hue to make by socks stand out from my pants. For example, if my pants are dark blue, I would then opt for a shade a touch brighter and mix in an interesting pattern to ensure a distinct difference in appearance. Especially for warmer seasons, I lean into whimsical motifs that may see flowers, bees, flamingos, or butterflies adorning my ankles. However, if that direction is a bit much, one can never go wrong with variegated stripes, polka dots, or a combination of the two.
Ultimately, the objective should be to infuse your presentation with a hint of personality and character that elevates your style above the monotonous, humdrum offering of dark and solid. And if the execution strays a bit off course, no worries, you are a gentleman willing to take sartorial risks. I am willing to bet that you hit the target more times than not. It all starts with opening your mind and starting the process. There are plenty of shopping destinations such as Target, Macy’s, T.J. Maxx, and DSW that are stocked with affordable options for a gentleman. You can experiment with what works with your outfits without breaking the bank. You need only worry about the compliments you receive from the public!
Hopefully, when a person has lived a requisite number of years gleaning wisdom from life; there should be an understanding that said life can be a masterpiece of flawed beauty. Our existence can be a perfect picture of imperfection filled with a complex compilation of uneven and damaging experiences. Life, sometimes stubbornly, does not proceed as planned. It can certainly be ugly out there. And yet along the broken landscape of our lives, beauty can spring from unfamiliar and unexpected places. Disrepair need not fuel disbelief or foster discontent. Be encouraged that the discovery and/or creation of something beautiful – even with less than desirable conditions – can positively affect and bring about joy to not only your life but perhaps someone else. Be the reason someone smiles today. Be blessed and be well. Talk to you later.
So, it is safe to classify the following circumstances as a forgivable miss by good old Dad here. The evening event was advertised as a school dance. It was simple enough. Now, perhaps, I did not carefully read the information contained in the school e-mail as required. Perhaps, I was too excited to embarrass my child on the dance floor with the old man cutting a rug. Nonetheless, I obviously overlooked the fine print regarding the dress code for the evening event. And nowadays, I admittedly embrace the opportunity to slide into stylish threads given the years spent hiding in oversized clothing.
