The Standard

#21

barack-obama-familyThe gentleman should never underestimate the magnitude of a cheerful, happy disposition-especially when that attitude is displayed towards his children. Sure, discipline is a vital function required to raise children. However, the totality of child rearing must be equal parts discipline and equal parts love. He cannot levy seventy-five percent discipline and only twenty-five percent love. And that discipline cannot be driven by anger. That would be unwise. Listen, a gentleman cannot walk around with a scowl etched on a rigid face of granite all the time. Smile. Laugh. Sing. As a father, it is incumbent that he sets the appropriate tone and atmosphere for his household. Children need to witness him being more than that guy who trudges to and from work. Tired. Irritable. Unhappy. Trust this: children are much more perceptive than you award credit, and they absorb the negatively charged climate that you have helped create. Stop. The time has arrived for you to glide through the door and welcome your family with a fresh, joyous attitude. They deserve it. You deserve it. Will it be like that everyday? Probably not. Nevertheless, trust that your efforts will not give audience to blind eye. Your children will definitely notice, and they will love you even more. Feels fantastic doesn’t it?

#22

Malcolm+in+hatI am perfectly cognizant of the reality that traditions change as time progresses with each successive decade after the last. Behavior and culture from, say, 1950 is decidedly different from that of 2013. Nevertheless, there exists a few key behavioral attributes that have weathered the ever-transforming landscape of gentlemanly conduct. Whether referred to it as displaying the correct etiquette or possessing proper manners; there are certain standards that are resolutely non-negotiable. For instance, it is widely assumed that a gentleman should remove his hat when entering a home, a restaurant, an institution of worship, or any venue that demands deference. Walking into a funeral with your cap twisted to the side? Stop it. Wearing an over-sized cap at the dinner table? Absolutely not! Now, if this is common knowledge to you, I would highly recommended forwarding this post to any guy that is oblivious to this fact. Seriously, you would be surprised, or perhaps not, at the number of men who are unaware of hat etiquette. Now, will the world implode if you rock your hat indoors. Certainly not. But that is not point. It is paramount that a gentleman display proper form, especially in the presence of lady. And it also silently communicates to a young, impressionable male that you have code that entails dignity, respect, and tact – never a bad thing to have.

#23

urinal B&WTrue story: So, after a strenuous morning of doing battle with some heavy dumbbells, I am retrieving my belongings in the gentleman’s locker room when another gentleman enters and discreetly disappears around a corner. Now, what followed next was not so discreet. Bellowing around the corner, I was audibly assaulted by loud moans and groans emanating from the urinal area. Seriously dude – what the hell? I could not discern whether he was emptying his bladder or performing a four-finger shuffle with his manhood. Now, it is utterly ridiculous that I have to write an entry like this, but it would appear that some gentlemen require the proper instruction regarding urinal etiquette. Here are five edicts that every gentleman should commit to memory before stepping foot in a public restroom.

  • Sure, that Pepsi has been resting in your bladder for the duration of that 2 hour meeting, but that is no excuse to get all X-rated at the urinal with moans of eye-fluttering ecstasy. Relieve yourself as quietly as possible.
  • And speaking of quiet, you can wait to discuss why that 2 hour meeting was pointless to begin with in the first place. But, if you feel the burning need ( no, hopefully not that burning need ) to discuss your supervisor’s leadership, or lack thereof, please do so in brief.
  • Now, if you have made the decision to partake in some urinal chit-chat, remember that if your head swivels to the left or right, the other one below the belt should remain fixed in one direction: straight ahead. Because, when stepping up to plate, no gentleman likes to step in puddles of pee, or the dried, sticky variety for that matter – it’s urinal area, not a fly trap. Bonus edict: Flatulence can be a pain, but releasing a sonic boom around your fellow gents is crass, and it just makes your urinal mate feel uncomfortable.
  • The following is a personal plea: drink more water gentlemen! Forgive me, I’m not trying to get all up in your personal business, I’m just tired of being greeted by the aroma of ammonia and stale syrup when I enter a public restroom. Bonus edict: Flush the toilet my friend. Looking into a bowl with what appears to be Samuel Adams pooled in the bottom is just unsightly.
  • Lastly, wash your damn hands! Pardon the language, but that is just nasty. No one wants to shake your filthy paws. Note: Washing one’s hands is not constituted by a quick splash of water on the mittens, followed by a hasty shake to dry them off. I’m going to need you to use some soap and water while humming the alphabet song in your head – you need to make it to at least the letter O.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation gentleman. Pass this along.

#24

BooksThe intellectual gentleman recognizes the power of education, and he champions its virtue. He fully understands that knowledge is the beginning of intellectual growth & prosperity. He understands that the proper use of his knowledge can transform distant aspirations into touchable reality. His success hinges on steadfast labor and the unequivocal dedication to achieving educational excellence. Each gentleman has this ability – the ability to set meaningful goals and accomplish an array of tasks that he has undertaken. A gentleman’s potential is but a ready seed, thirsting for the water produced from sweat, and sometimes – salty tears. What, you thought it would be easy? Nothing worth the labor expended ever is. Seriously, educating oneself is paramount, it is key. And through education, one begins to realize that no goal is too precipitous to climb and conquer. And understand, goals do not plateau, for learning does not cease once adulthood is reached. Learning does not abruptly halt once the classroom is a faint memory or college professors stop instructing. Grow your knowledge because knowledge is strength for the body, mind, and spirit.  Read a book. Watch a documentary. Seek out educational courses offered at a local community college or center. Make every attempt to continuously exercise your mind. So gentlemen, grow your minds, pursue your dreams, make them a reality, and once you are there – don’t stop growing.

#25

The responsible gentleman understands the principles of accountability. Ownership. Culpability. Obligation. Any attempt to avoid or avert responsibility is not entertained. If his conduct is unbecoming or offensive, he does not contort his face with surprised expressions of coy denial. No, he exhibits the correct amount of sincere compunction, and he actively searches for a viable resolution to atone for his actions. He is not seeking total absolution, as he understands the act of forgiveness is a process – a sometimes complicated process. His only objective is to acknowledge his guilt, offer an earnest apology, and establish a suitable resolution. That is the standard he abides by, as that is the only standard he knows. Ensure that you know it too.

29 responses

  1. Gentlemen Standard is a great site. I have often found this site to be uplifting and informative. I am very impressed with the new look.

  2. I am very happy with the quality of the site, and I find the information to be enjoyable and insightful!

  3. I have spent the better part of the day perusing The Gentlemen’s Standard, and I must agree that this is a great site. Very few catch and hold my attention, but this is definitely one that I have passed on to my mentees that try, and do “upgrades” by walking through my closet, and picking out men’s accessories to “borrow”. Definitely keep this going as it is informative as entertaining.

    • Well, thank you very much. I really wanted to create a positive site that everyone could enjoy. And I really enjoy writing it too. I am very pleased with how the WordPress platform is working out. It is better than I had ever hoped.

  4. I like this series of posts. You manage to strike a good balance where you don’t come off too preachy nor wise. As long as I’m reading, keep them coming.

  5. This reminds me of my Pastor, Rev. Dr. Ralph Douglas West in Houston, Texas. What would I love is a general picture of what these men want in their mates, wives attire. I know your book is probably already written but a few hints for their mates or African American women would be nice!

  6. No. Conservative women married to men of distinction, gentlemen and a few hints about how the women should dress. For example many women who marry pastors, today do not know how to dress appropriately except on some not all Sundays. It’s hit or miss for services on weeknights- one day they dress like a teenager and on another day they dress nicely. In other words whereas these men dress on purpose and have a standard their wives often do not— esp. women under 45 or 40 married to leaders, pastors etc… It takes the self examination, vision, and philosophy described on your site for the men to knowingly and unknowingly dress. How do we get the women to do the same? Do you have any hints for them— just a few….

    • Hi Lawrence. I have added 2 follow buttons towards the bottom of the blog page under my picture. If you have a WordPress account, you can just hit the follow button up top in the task bar on the page. Hope that helps and thanks for reading.

  7. Mr. Palmer, this is a great website. If American men, regardless of race would start following this advice our society would be a much more kinder, gentler place to be. The points you make remind me of my grandfather and the simple things about the proper conduct of a man. Things like opening doors for women, honoring your family and responsibilities, saying sir/ma’am, etc. keep up the great work!

  8. Young hispanic man here, I just stumbled across this website and was touched. It’s easy to forget these standards and lose your way. I am very thankful for your writing and will take it to heart.

  9. Just to be clear: this is a great site for a man of ANY color. Blessings to you on this high road and may it always be clear.

  10. Im so glad i found this site. its difficult for young brothers to find good role models. we have to look pretty hard unfortunately, but its up to us to be our best ideal selves whether we have a role model or not

    • Hey, thanks for checking me out. Sorry for the delayed response. I don’t get nearly enough time to blog like I used to. However, my daughter has put together 2 nights in a row of good sleep. Knock on wood! Maybe I will get more time to write again. Thanks again for dropping in.

  11. I simply cannot believe how I did not discover this website earlier! A gentleman who lives what he preaches. As an aspiring gentleman I am delighted to say that your teaching along with that of my father and other males in my life are putting me on a track that leads straight to manhood. As an adolescent I am at a stage where I am malleable like a piece of Alkali metal. Too many males are remaining boys and not enough are becoming men. Even fewer are becoming gentlemen. If I am learning only one thing from your “standard” posts is that I need to teach as much as I am learning. I honestly cannot thank you enough for what you have provided me with.

    • Hi Paul – thank you so much for your testimony. Your words have really touched me. I am glad that you find my site helpful in your maturation. I am sure you have surrounded yourself with great influence and you’ll a gentleman others will look to for inspiration. You appear to certainly on the right track. Thanks again for the kind words. You take care sir.

  12. As a 30 year old black man, I would like to thank you for this blog. This was such a refreshing, corrective and encouraging read. I am a gentleman in most of these points, but sometimes even a gentleman needs his coat tail pulled. This was certainly an encouraging read, due to my ambitions and goals that I though were far fetched. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and pursuing a graduate degree and was unsure about this decision, since the University I was accepted to is 700 miles away from my family. Although I have friends in that state, this will be my first time away from my family and I am proud that I made this decision to go forth. I hope that you continue with these Standard points, as they are very much needed. Best!!!!!!!!

  13. Mr. Palmer,

    I found your blog through a link from Real Men Real Style and I am grateful that I have. I have 2 Son’s whom I would love to gift some of the Gentleman’s Standards to in a Leather Bound Book on their 16th Birthdays. One is 15 and the other is 9. Is there someone I can contact to request permission?

    • Hi John – I a very flattered that you would like to share some of my work. Sure, I don’t have an issue. Thank you for reading, and thank for thinking highly of my work that you would share with your sons.

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