The Palmers Ep. 1- Lions, Tigers, Emails, and More Rehearsals We Could Bear; Oh My! – Ava’s Big Moment in the Land of Oz

 

I quietly, patiently sat on a bench inside the school’s main office waiting for my daughter. I was there for early school pick-up, as my daughter was expected to be at play rehearsal at approximately 4:30 pm. And thus, this was daily life as we rocketed with nervous excitement toward the Wizard of Oz showtime that weekend. This was the final week for rehearsals. School dismissal is at 3:30 pm, so I needed to secure my daughter before a log jam of vehicles impeded both entry and exit to the school. I could not help but silently chuckle as I overheard another parent lamenting the same hectic, accelerated time schedule for her child.

Time management was extremely critical. And thankfully some of my mother’s customs are stubbornly engrained in me – time management being one of them. Trying to pass that skill along to your child is a story on its own. Rehearsals needed to move like clockwork. Therefore, I picked my daughter up from school, got her home to plate her dinner, her mother would feverishly apply her makeup shortly thereafter, and then I would whisk her off to a nearby high school (where the play would be ultimately performed) for rehearsal.

During previous weeks, rehearsals ranged from 5:30 pm to 7:45 pm, and at least they were not every day. In between drop-off and pick-up in the evening, I would try to squeeze in a workout at Planet Fitness. If I wanted to treat myself, I took a power nap in my car for much-needed revitalization. It was then off for pickup so I could get her home for a shower and bedtime. It was not unusual to observe my daughter walking with a slight limp from rehearsal. Aside from a speaking role, she was also cast in multiple choreographed dance sequences. To be sure, it was intense. Now, apologies to the audience, I am getting slightly ahead of myself.

Allow me to take a few much-needed steps back in time. This fantastic voyage to the stage begins back in the winter of 2024. Now, my child is a product of Disney Junior programming. Dating as far back as Doc McStuffins to current favorite Bluey; my daughter’s preferred (and parental approved) channel of choice has always been Disney. Woven within the animated fabric of general television series were fantasy musicals released on the channel. Fantasy musicals such as Descendants and Zombies were a healthy contributor to my daughter’s flair for the theatrical. And since Disney Junior were not above shamelessly broadcasting reruns ad nauseam, my daughter would eagerly capture every scripted line and nuance of her favorite characters. Her memorization was amazing. 

Fortuitously, an opportunity arose for her to utilize those theatrical superpowers for other than jitterbugging on her parents’ next to last nerve. That opportunity arrived in the form of a stage play being produced at her school. The opportunity flew under the radar until urgent e-mails were dispatched from the school to elicit student interest. The Disney Junior acting chops received the chance as Ava was cast in an ensemble role as a Lady-in-Waiting for the play Once Upon a Mattress.

The play is a musical comedy that reimagines the fairy tale “The Princess and the Pea”. Although my daughter did not have any speaking roles, she projected detailed facial expressions and mannerisms that gave life to her ensemble part. A robotic, lifeless ensemble cast can make for a dull experience; it is all the more I was proud of my girl performing. Once Upon a Mattress was a three-day affair, and every performance I sat front row to clap and cheer. A host of family and friends came out to support her. We were so very proud.

The next opportunity was a 2025 summer program offered by the Detroit Opera. My wife enrolled our daughter in the performing arts program Create & Perform. The program allows participants to write their own script, compose songs, and then act in their own original creation. Participants had approximately one week to write and compose their work, followed by one week of rehearsal. The result: The Magical Fishes and Their Frivolous Wishes.

This time my star had a speaking role; she played a magical fish in the ocean that granted wishes. Her performance did not disappoint. With a booming voice and tons of magical sassiness, she danced and sang across the stage waving her colorful sash to and fro. And armed with a magical bubble gun, she frolicked amongst the audience and stage granting wishes with reckless abandon. A woman sitting next to probably noticed my exuberance for this one particular performer. She leaned over and whispered, “Is that your daughter?” Brimming with internal pride, I replied, “Yes.” “She’s really good”, the lady replied. The edges of my mouth curled into a smile.

Fast-forward to fall/winter 2025 and the casting call for The Wizard of Oz was dispatched near and far to all the parents. The children had an opportunity to select two characters of choice for their audition. My daughter decided to read for the roles of Glinda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West. Now, allow me to tell you about this audition timeline. An e-mail was distributed on October 26th (Sunday). An e-mail was then distributed October 31st (Friday) for signup.

Auditions were then held November 3 (Monday) with callbacks on November 5th (Wednesday). Talk about a, ahem, wicked timeframe. Both sessions were approximately 2.5-3 hours – after school! Even for an adult, that is an extremely long day. We had no idea we were just getting started with the marathon. And so, we spent the weekend reading lines and watching the Wizard of Oz. I pulled up tutorials on cackling like a witch. Who knew there was such a thing?

Monday auditions went well; my daughter was confident she had nailed either role. Her memory is so sharp, as we were practicing, she had memorized the dialogue of both characters and would seamlessly transition between the two. My hopes were high. After the audition, she told me she received applause from the other students. My hopes rose even higher. I anxiously waited for the e-mail regarding a callback. Finally, she got the callback for Wednesday evening. I arrived at the school for parent orientation as the final audition took place down the hallway in the cafeteria.

Play fees, attendance policy, rehearsal schedules, and volunteer expectations were discussed – however – my mind was nervously drifting intently down the hallway. So, upon dismissal, I immediately Usain Bolted straight toward the cafeteria. The children were slowly filing out. My eyes erratically scanned the crowd searching for my daughter. Finally, she emerged through the double doors. Her face projected indifference. She was not chosen for either role. My tense heart hopelessly sank like an anchor; fatherly anger began to flame broil my insides.

Nevertheless, outwardly, I needed to project an aura of calm and extend unyielding support. As a father, you thoughtfully search for linings composed of silver to communicate hope. All was not lost. She was indeed selected for a speaking role. After receiving the deflating news, I curiously asked, “Well, what role did you get?” And with a slightly confused tone, my daughter replied, “Zeke.” I cannot lie; I did not know who Zeke was either. After a brief consultation with my trusted source, Google, I was duly informed that Zeke was the human counterpart to the Cowardly Lion who worked as a farmhand. So, during the drive back home, I explained that despite the fleeting disappointment, this was an excellent opportunity to have a speaking role, albeit a minor one. We would later learn that Ava would be tasked with 4 ensemble roles in addition to Zeke. The next 2 1/2 months were going to be exciting and challenging.

That following weekend, we proceeded to rehearse lines and watch more Wizard of Oz clips on YouTube. Of course, we intently focused on the farmhand Zeke to glean inspiration for Ava’s interpretation. Now, bless her little growing thespian heart, my child is truly suburban, and teaching her to speak with a farm belt accent was agonizingly hilarious. She would start with a farm-flavored twang of the tongue before hopelessly falling back into her normal, proper diction. Eventually, that plan of action was abandoned, and simply memorizing lines became the first priority. The school rehearsals were intense. The evening rehearsals ranged from 2-3 times a week and lasted 2 hours or more. And outside of school rehearsals, students were expected to practice daily for a minimum of 15-20 minutes at home. The results: abbreviated nights of sleep, sore feet, and aching ankles. Soon, however, the hard work would be well worth the effort.

Now, for the past few years, winters have been extremely mild here in Michigan. The requirement of snow removal had become almost nonexistent. So, I feel we were perhaps owed a past-due balance of blustery temperatures and copious amounts of snow. The inevitable school cancellations led to rehearsals being rescheduled with extended practices. Commutes became a little more adventurous, as Michigan drivers will blow a stop sign on icy pavement and won’t even blink. Still, the time was drawing near. And then, Polar Vortex 2026 was forecast to hit us on Friday. And what followed was yet another school cancellation, which coincidentally occurred on the same day as opening night. A furious flurry of e-mails and text messages started flying. A pivot was incoming.

The Friday evening show was cancelled and moved to Saturday. Wait, but there was already a Saturday show scheduled. Well, that only meant a morning show AND an afternoon show were to be performed. As I picked Ava up from the final rehearsal, I could hear the student grumblings in the chilled air. A very, very long day awaited the performers. A double performance. An entire day of acting, dancing, and singing. It would be a musical marathon of Munchkin madness. The night before, Ava attempted to secure a good night of rest. Nonetheless, I could hear her tossing and turning throughout the night in the adjacent bedroom. Heck, I was restless as well. The morning soon arrived. I served up wheat toast with sunflower seed butter, sausage links, and sliced apples for a power breakfast. After breakfast, she vaulted upstairs for her makeup session with my wife. I gathered snacks and loaded her performance gear in the car, and off into the Polar Vortex we went.

I dropped off the girl and then drove home to pick up the rest of the family. Arriving at the high school again, we filed into the auditorium and found our seats – second row, right in front of the stage. We spotted family and friends dispersed throughout the crowd. Many friends and family braved the frigid cold and snow to show support. Grandparents, aunts, great-aunts, Godmother, cousins, neighbors, and sorority sisters (Alpha Kappa Alpha) of my wife came out to show love. Soon it was showtime. A live, slow instrumental to Over the Rainbow began to permeate the auditorium. In the darkened auditorium, the student portraying Dorothy soon was spotlighted alongside the aisle as she walked slowly toward the stage. My nerves began to heighten.

The opening scene was underway. I nervously waited for my daughter to make her dramatic (at least dramatic in my head) appearance. It was not long until she emerged onstage in her farmer’s attire, pushing a wheelbarrow. Injecting her own flavor into the role of Zeke, she delivered her lines with confidence and dramatic style. My eyes began to mildly water, but I retained my composure and soldiered through the first act with a dry, if not proud, face. Scenes transitioned, choreographed dances lit up the stage, and melodic songs echoed throughout the auditorium. And then it was over. First performance in the books, one more to go. Energized by lunch from Chicken Shack and a brief 2-hour intermission, it was time for the second performance. With possibly nerves and anxiety settled down, the second performance was better than the first. More energy. More nuance. More presence.

In the aftermath, Ava indicated that this was by far her favorite play to participate in at school. She was able to make new friends and learn exciting dances. She loved that each performer had the other’s back. When a fellow performer forgot a line, my daughter was able to think quickly on her feet and deftly improvise dialogue, so the scene did not awkwardly stall. Ava was tasked with 5 roles: Zeke, a Munchkin teacher, an Ozian, a Winkie, and Jitterbug. So, as expected, the costume changes between scenes were fast and furious. Nevertheless, Ava was able to seamlessly transition to her scenes without missing a step. And speaking of steps, the Jitterbug was her favorite dance sequence. A deleted scene from the movie, it is a swing-style dance number that has the Wicked Witch sending little bugs to infect our heroes with an insatiable urge to dance until exhausted. I must have been infected as well, because that song hung inside my head at least a few days after the musical was over.

The end of the second performance was bittersweet. It was a memorable journey, but this guy was tired. During the first few months of rehearsals, my son’s basketball league ran concurrently during the week. The tandem of play rehearsals, basketball practice, and basketball games made for a very hectic collection of months. I will be writing about that adventure as well. My son has become a basketball addict. So, I asked Ava if she had any advice for fellow students who were thinking about participating in a play. Here are some amateur tips below. Thanks for reading. I’ll see you all next time, somewhere over the rainbow, enjoying warmer weather.

  • A performer should watch videos with a focus on acting. Watching a lot of musicals would be beneficial as well.
  • It is helpful to study and memorize lines that do not belong to your character.
  • Practice your dance moves.
  • Vocal warm-ups and singing
  • Build up your courage.

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All I Want for Christmas is…Peace of Mind.

Greetings, I hope everyone had a blessed, safe, and happy holidays over the past few weeks. For legions of children across the globe, the most wonderful time of the year brings excited anticipation and curiosity, as meticulously (or perhaps not) wrapped gifts magically appear beneath Christmas trees in households the world over. And shortly thereafter, many adults gather to ring in the new year with much-needed hope and fruitful, new beginnings. Personally, the gift I desire the most does not physically arrive in beautiful wrapping paper, tucked quietly under a Christmas tree. And heading into the new year, it is something I hope to have in abundance – peace of mind.

For many people, peace of mind can assume a variety of forms. Personally, during this time of year, the delicate art of wrapping gifts provides that peace of mind. The crafty exercise allows my mind to slow down and focus intently on the objective at hand. On its surface, it may seem like a cumbersome task – more pain in the butt than peace. However, with each careful fold or playful tie of a ribbon, the satisfying reward of seeing the finished work is undoubtedly worth the time and effort.

It affords me a quiet space in my head to tap into my thoughts and harness my creativity. Sometimes, I just look at my gift-wrapping accessories that I have slowly acquired over the years. I begin to dream of different color and material combinations in my head, and in turn, how will I adorn the exterior of the gift. Sometimes a fold will present a pleasant challenge. The wrapping paper won’t be as crisp. Some delicate paper may even mistakenly rip. Other times, I will need to untie a bow and start the process from the beginning. Nevertheless, it is all a part of the process. Surely, dutiful practice sharpens one’s skills. And once a flow is established, I can crank out gifts like a true Santa’s workshop. Looking at the finished project fills me with pride.

Capitalizing on end-of-holiday sales, I have amassed a diverse assortment of wrapping paper, colorful twine, ribbon, miniature ornaments, bells, and everything else from cinnamon sticks to dried lemon peels. Believe it or not, I have been able to cut down on the yearly cost of materials by simply recycling discarded twine, ribbon, or yarn. Leftover wrapping paper (after a sheet has been cut to size) is rolled and stored for the following Christmas. And when the time arrives, I search through my holiday inventory to find the appropriate piece of material to successfully complete the task.

The holiday season is now over. I will probably immerse myself in my continuing health journey to clear my head space. That is of course until it is time to tend to my garden!

Daddy Diary – Giving Them the Best That I Got – My Shortcomings as a Father & the Hopes They Do a Little Better Than Me

Today, numerous posts regarding Father’s Day will reflect upon the magnificent triumphs of fatherhood, or the profound gratitude expressed for the sacred opportunity to raise a child. I wanted to write something slightly different. Sure, a thoughtful inspection of a gentleman’s social media content would project a portrait of nobility, compassion, strength, and dutiful sacrifice – mine included. However, no one is above imperfection, and that includes me. Yes, I am quiet and mild-mannered, but my temper can flare terribly given certain circumstances. And, as my years on Earth have grown longer, conversely my patience is seriously shorter. So, when my annoyance and irritation has reached critical mass, I silently retreat within myself and shutdown. And I can elevate my voice to intimidating, frightening decibels.

I am, nevertheless, human. I make the common error of bottling my emotions. So, when stress and anxiety build, my emotions detonate. Still, I tend to believe there are more than enough rewarding attributes I encompass than the negative ones. I add meaningful value to the lives of people around me. And it is my hope that the best of me is what is most impactful in my children’s lives. There are a multitude of parenting books on the market, but parenthood is really on the job training. And on occasion, when even functioning as the most well-meaning father, we sometimes come up short. We just need to keep striving; we need to show up as the best version of ourselves for our kids. Today, I wanted to share my shortcomings, how I am improving, and examples of areas where I do feel accomplished as a dad.

I was born in the inner city of Detroit, Michigan – single mother household with two younger brothers. Our family did not have much; government assistance and grandparents aided us. We probably lived below or at the poverty level, but we never wanted for anything. You cannot want what you never had, nor want what you never heard of. Life was simple. Life was relatively happy. So, with that frame of mind, it has been difficult for me to view current times through my children’s eyes. Life is much different for them. Juxtaposed with my generation, I am challenged to adapt to their world. Let us talk the basics of life for them: two working-parent home, a house in a safe neighborhood, great schools, food on tap in the refrigerator, clothing in the closet, healthcare, etc. And now the extras: vacations, special school programs, electronic gadgets, fine dining, etc.

Now, I know that may even be basic to many of you, but again with my upbringing, a trip to Boblo Island and dinner from McDonald’s was a TREAT! In my early childhood, we had: one black & white TV (special shout out to those who needed pliers to turn the channel because the TV knob was stripped), received food from Focus: Hope, wore knockoff clothing (shout out to Pro Wings sneakers and Goodfellows), received food stamps & Medicaid, and lived in residences with pest issues. So, when my kids pout, express a negative attitude, or display poor behavior (especially in school); I cannot wrap my brain around it. Their life with all the bells and whistles should equal gratitude – at least in my mind. You must understand how my upbringing molded my thinking. So, when a parent’s efforts and sacrifice to provide more than their own childhood is seemingly not appreciated, well, we have reached critical mass. In addition, if you consider my work-life balance is not truly balanced; a day of absorbing the shenanigans of coworkers has me on edge. At the end of the workday, my mental and emotional tank is empty. I lose my cool. I get angry. I yell. I have popped a bottom or two.

Now, growing up in a household with only brothers, little emotion was expressed. Our mother loved us, but our mother was stern. She was no nonsense. She handed down discipline the old-fashioned way. I do not believe that “gentle parenting” was even a thing back in the eighties. However, raising three boys in Detroit, I can understand why she tended to be tough on us. Life in Detroit at that time was unforgiving. My mother did her absolute best to keep us safe, healthy, well-mannered, and educated. All three of us grew up as successful, productive African American males with good jobs, families of our own, never in trouble with the law, no drug use, etc. You can say all three of us are conservative gentlemen. Shout out to my brothers Michael and Raymond.

However, growing up in that stern environment shaped my personality today. There is not much fluff with me. I can deal with emotions, but sometimes I cannot relate to them. I am an introvert, so I do not talk much unless I am comfortable around you. People have told me I am hard to read. People have said I am anti-social. I am stoic. And so, I tend to be the disciplinarian in our household. I am the hammer in the parental tool bag when discipline and order need to be driven home. As a parent, I know my kids fear me to a certain degree. If they are disobeying my wife, and they hear my footsteps, a hasty scurry ensues as they course correct and retreat to what they should be doing. If they are being chastised, they peer over her shoulder and look in my direction. Sometimes, I need to be order to the chaos, and deep down I hate it. It is mentally exhausting as you either mete out punishment or deliver an unfavorable decision. I fear my kids will harbor resentment toward me. It absolutely crushes my spirit when a scolding is required. It is a delicate balancing act – deliver enough discipline to correct behavior, but not so much where they hold disdain and shut you out.

Fatherhood is a heavy weight to shoulder. I want to do what is best for my children, but sometimes you second-guess your parental decisions. No generation is perfect. So, you try not to pass down any trauma from your upbringing and unknowingly instill it within them. I have no ill will toward my father. But I must believe that I am doing a little better than him. I am a working father fully present in my children’s lives. Alcoholism and domestic abuse did not carry over into the man I am today. I iron school clothes. I fix breakfast. I pack school snacks. I decorate the house for Halloween and Christmas. I attend every school event possible. I help with homework. I do school projects. I volunteer at the school. Packed into a week and a half: I dropped off & picked up my daughter for play rehearsal, decorated the house for my son’s birthday, attended all three nights of my daughter’s play sitting front row, and chaperoned at her school dance. I have to believe I am doing a little better than my father before me, and maybe even my paternal grandfather I never met.

However, I recount the times I had to speak to my son’s teacher nearly every day due to his behavior in the classroom. Grades were never an issue; it was following classroom rules that was a problem. I dreaded picking him up from school because the likelihood of speaking to his teacher was high. A conduct chart was posted near the classroom door. And as I slowly, anxiously walked down the hallway with that chart coming into view, I could see he was at the bottom, in the red region – again. Lord. The motivational, inspirational pep talks I conjured up every morning on the car ride to school would seemingly fall on deaf ears- for nearly three years. It was mentally and emotionally taxing. And so, I yelled. I took toys. I popped a bottom. And then more pep talks. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Thankfully, he is much better today. However, for whatever reason, my daughter started slacking in her schoolwork. Lord – now this. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I am just trying to get this fatherhood thing right. I am trying not to react with anger. I am trying to talk quietly, yet firmly. I do not pop bottoms anymore. Instead, I take away allowance, take away electronic devices, or ask for push-ups. I am trying to be a better father. How so? What am I doing?

  • Keep showing up and be fully present for your kids. Go to those school events. Volunteer and represent for them.
  • Be hands-on when you have availability. Help them with homework. Read to them. Read with them. Watch educational programming and discuss the content. Teach them something. Take them to a museum, a zoo, or local event.
  • Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. I will call the kids down into my home office just to talk about what is going on in their life and life topics in general. I do not sugarcoat anything. We have had discussions about drugs, bad influences, racism, adults that prey on children, adult content online, the dangers of social media – you name it, we talk about it. I recently had a conversation about boys and crushes with my daughter. Lord, please grant me strength.
  • To be sure, you will need to reprimand your kids. Nevertheless, do not forget to express love to them, and express your pride in them.
  • And when they mess up, sometimes it is okay to give them a pass. Like a police officer catching you speeding but happened to be in a kind mood that day; you can let your kids off with a warning. Hopefully, that goodwill builds trust over time.
  • Therapy. Yes. I have a coach to hold me accountable for my health. I have a therapist to keep me grounded and structured in my well-being. A gentleman’s selfcare and mental health is important.
  • I go for long walks. I go for short walks. Regardless of either, I walk. It is good for your health, both physically and mentally. It is a time I quiet my mind, brainstorm, and just think about life in general.
  • You need to go to the gym and lift something heavy. And by heavy, I mean heavy relative to your strength. No? Well, knock out some push-ups, free squats, sit-ups, jumping jacks, I do not really care. Just get moving and get active! It clears the mind, reduces stress, and provides a sense of accomplishment.
  • Sometimes you cannot call your therapist in the middle of the night. You need to get yourself a trusted confidant. And no, not the friend that will just spew the toxic nonsense you read online. You need someone trustworthy that will listen intently and offer wise counsel.
  • Offer yourself grace. You are human and you are going to mess up. You will not be perfect all the time. Failure is not failure in and of itself, failure is abandoning the pursuit of success. So, do not get down on yourself, continue to pursue greatness for yourself and your family. And hopefully, your kids will be a little better than you.

Salute to all the fathers out there just trying to do right by their family. Happy Father’s Day.

Valentine’s Day project. Stayed up past midnight. And packed candy bags. Oh yeah, ya man has skills.