Man Of Substance – Glen Antoine Palmer – Loss


grandma

  • A few months before my wedding, my grandmother suddenly passed away due to a heart attack. Emotionally, it was the most devastating event I had ever experienced in my life.
  • I don’t think one ever recovers from a significant loss like that; I think you just learn to cope and handle the reality better as time progresses.
  • I still allow myself to grieve. I allow for quiet moments by myself and I cry. The whole notion that men should not cry is foolish. Real men cry for things they love dearly. And I will always cry for my grandmother.
  • I don’t try to focus on negative imagery or thoughts. Things like what happened at her funeral…the casket…the burial…I don’t think about things like that. My tears are only reserved for the remembrance of the good times we shared together.
  • That being said, one also has to make room for laughter. My brother does an uncanny imitation of my grandmother’s voice, and his mimicry of her disapproving chastisement blended in with select biblical passages is hilarious. Yes, you have to find a way to laugh.
  • I’ve never been angry about her passing. You cannot be angry with reality. And the reality is we are not promised immortality. If anything, I’m more saddened by fact that I can’t sit with her one more time, rocking back and forth, side by side in dual rocking chairs on her porch during rainstorms.
  • Besides, it’s always better to smile. Looking back, I have to smile. I was blessed with the kind of grandmother that some people didn’t or don’t have. Yes, I am extraordinarily thankful.
  • Nevertheless, and this is the selfish part of me, I sure do miss those holiday dinners, complete with all the fixings: ham, turkey, greens, sweet macaroni & cheese (yes, you read that correct – sweet), string beans, yams, cornbread, sweet potato pie, red velvet cake, and the list goes on and on. Yes, grandma could burn in the kitchen.
  • To this day, I’m still trying to regain my holiday spirit. From childhood into my adult life, she had always been there. And now it’s just a void. But spending time with my family, along with my brother’s spot-on voice replication, I’m managing. And that’s about what we all can do – manage; in the best and positive way we know how.

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