The Standard #23

February 21, 2013 By Glen Antoine Palmer in Standard 4 Comments

True story: So, after a strenuous morning of doing battle with some heavy dumbbells, I am retrieving my belongings in the gentleman’s locker room when another gentleman enters and discreetly disappears around a corner. Now, what followed next was not so discreet. Bellowing around the corner, I was audibly assaulted by loud moans and groans emanating from the urinal area. Seriously dude – what the hell? I could not discern whether he was emptying his bladder or performing a four-finger shuffle with his manhood. Now, it is utterly ridiculous that I have to write an entry like this, but it would appear that some gentlemen require the proper instruction regarding urinal etiquette. Here are five edicts that every gentleman should commit to memory before stepping foot in a public restroom.

Sure, that Pepsi has been resting in your bladder for the duration of that 2 hour meeting, but that is no excuse to get all X-rated at the urinal with moans of eye-fluttering ecstasy. Relieve yourself as quietly as possible.

And speaking of quiet, you can wait to discuss why that 2 hour meeting was pointless to begin with in the first place. But, if you feel the burning need ( no, hopefully not that burning need ) to discuss your supervisor’s leadership, or lack thereof, please do so in brief.

Now, if you have made the decision to partake in some urinal chit-chat, remember that if your head swivels to the left or right, the other one below the belt should remain fixed in one direction: straight ahead. Because, when stepping up to plate, no gentleman likes to step in puddles of pee, or the dried, sticky variety for that matter – it’s urinal area, not a fly trap. Bonus edict: Flatulence can be a pain, but releasing a sonic boom around your fellow gents is crass, and it just makes your urinal mate feel uncomfortable.

The following is a personal plea: drink more water gentlemen! Forgive me, I’m not trying to get all up in your personal business, I’m just tired of being greeted by the aroma of ammonia and stale syrup when I enter a public restroom. Bonus edict: Flush the toilet my friend. Looking into a bowl with what appears to be Samuel Adams pooled in the bottom is just unsightly.

Lastly, wash your damn hands! Pardon the language, but that is just nasty. No one wants to shake your filthy paws. Note: Washing one’s hands is not constituted by a quick splash of water on the mittens, followed by a hasty shake to dry them off. I’m going to need you to use some soap and water while humming the alphabet song in your head – you need to make it to at least the letter O.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation gentleman. Pass this along.

The Standard #22

January 2, 2013 By Glen Antoine Palmer in Standard, Uncategorized 10 Comments

I am perfectly cognizant of the reality that traditions change as time progresses with each successive decade after the last. Behavior and culture from, say, 1950 is decidedly different from that of 2013. Nevertheless, there exists a few key behavioral attributes that have weathered the ever-transforming landscape of gentlemanly conduct. Whether referred to it as displaying the correct etiquette or possessing proper manners; there are certain standards that are resolutely non-negotiable. For instance, it is widely assumed that a gentleman should remove his hat when entering a home, a restaurant, an institution of worship, or any venue that demands deference. Walking into a funeral with your cap twisted to the side? Stop it. Wearing an over-sized cap at the dinner table? Absolutely not! Now, if this is common knowledge to you, I would highly recommended forwarding this post to any guy that is oblivious to this fact. Seriously, you would be surprised, or perhaps not, at the number of men who are unaware of hat etiquette. Now, will the world implode if you rock your hat indoors. Certainly not. But that is not point. It is paramount that a gentleman display proper form, especially in the presence of lady. And it also silently communicates to a young, impressionable male that you have code that entails dignity, respect, and tact – never a bad thing to have.

The Standard #21

December 27, 2012 By Glen Antoine Palmer in Standard Leave a comment

The gentleman should never underestimate the magnitude of a cheerful, happy disposition-especially when that attitude is displayed towards his children. Sure, discipline is a vital function required to raise children. However, the totality of child rearing must be equal parts discipline and equal parts love. He cannot levy seventy-five percent discipline and only twenty-five percent love. And that discipline cannot be driven by anger. That would be unwise. Listen, a gentleman cannot walk around with a scowl etched on a rigid face of granite all the time. Smile. Laugh. Sing. As a father, it is incumbent that he sets the appropriate tone and atmosphere for his household. Children need to witness him being more than that guy who trudges to and from work. Tired. Irritable. Unhappy. Trust this: children are much more perceptive than you award credit, and they absorb the negatively charged climate that you have helped create. Stop. The time has arrived for you to glide through the door and welcome your family with a fresh, joyous attitude. They deserve it. You deserve it. Will it be like that everyday? Probably not. Nevertheless, trust that your efforts will not give audience to blind eye. Your children will definitely notice, and they will love you even more. Feels fantastic doesn’t it?

The Standard #19

November 12, 2012 By Glen Antoine Palmer in Standard Tags: Gentleman Leave a comment

The sharply styled, contemporary gentleman is fully cognizant of his immediate surroundings. He surveys the landscape around him and makes intelligent sartorial decisions. Once assigning himself to the notion that people do not notice what you are wearing, this gentleman has experienced a maturation process that speaks quite to the contrary. He is wiser and more seasoned now. He understands that people will take a snap mental inventory of his presentation. One’s appearance can be a subtle indicator of social status and character. Yes, your attire is a non-verbal form of communication; your clothes articulate a message and people readily listen.

Well, who comprises the audience that is so attentive observant? Your current or potential employer certainly notices. Man is not judged by resume alone. No. Sophisticated attire could be that extra 10 percent you require to differentiate yourself from the next applicant. In this economy, you might need it. Your first impression should be a lasting impression.

Speaking of impressions, observe your lovely lady’s eyes widen and the corners of her mouth curl into a sly smile when she sees your effortless elegance. Yes indeed, every woman loves a sharp dressed man; never underestimate that fact. Ponder the impression you leave on the youth and especially your own children when they absorb the gentleman’s confidence and class.

There is power in your presence, wield it wisely. Your peers even record mental notes. Please. Men are all about competition. Females usually take flack for their ritualistic judgment of each other, but do not be fooled; men want to bring sartorial A game to the table too. We are just a little more disguised with our attitude. We attempt to act like we don’t care, but we do. Employer. Spouse. Co-worker. Sibling. Son. Daughter. No matter the person, recognize that they recognize what your style articulates about you. Dignified. Confident. Masculine. Intelligent. Trustworthy. Definite characteristics the contemporary gentleman should exude.

The Standard #1

September 8, 2012 By Glen Antoine Palmer in Standard Tags: Standard Leave a comment

An honorable gentleman fully comprehends the concept of exhibiting class, sympathy, and compassion. During episodes of great tragedy or human misery, the humane gentleman believes in charity and generosity. It is second nature. The considerate gentleman does not greedily seize upon the opportunity to criticize, politicize, or monetize unfortunate realities. His moral fiber is fortified with virtue and humility. He understands that the weight of life may prove too great for some individuals to bear. Alas, he has been blessed with robust shoulders that can bear life’s burdens, and that fact is not lost on him. He is blessed to be a blessing to those in need. Because, benevolence is a character trait that is not foreign to him, nor is it casually minimized. It is far too easy, agonizingly too simple to take what life has pleasantly afforded us for granted. Sometimes, perspective becomes distorted when the lens has become clouded with prosperity. Allow your wisdom to correct your focus. Your current situation could be dramatically different-and not in a good way. Be thankful. And always remember to assist others who may be in need. It could be you that requires the empathetic generosity of a stranger one day.